Tomorrow will be exactly 1 month (Jan 14, 2020) since I quit smoking (time sure flies when you’re having fun!). That’s over 300 cigarettes I haven’t smoked, that’s nearly 250 dollars I’ve saved and that’s a whole lot of Self-Love! Having the ability to feel Self-Love is something I struggle with daily as you’ve probably noticed by now.
To feel Self-Love takes a lot of ongoing and continual upkeep of a person’s body, mind and soul in order to help maintain a more fulfilling life. Simply put, it’s not something money can buy you because Self-Love isn’t a feeling of instant gratification you desire in order to fulfill a pleasure in the here and now.
Well seeing as tomorrow just so happens to also be Valentine’s Day maybe it’s a sign from Cupid, maybe he is willing to guide me toward true Self-Love but maybe in the meantime he can guide me toward some of that instant gratification! Afterall, 30 days smoke free surely deserves a gift in the here and now too; wouldn’t you agree? ❤💖🛍💍👡
Twenty five years ago (give or take) I received a gift which I have held onto all these years later. It was a book called “All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten”, written by Robert Fulghum. When I was given the book I was just beginning a new career path (one of many regrets I have) and I was also a newlywed (25 years this spring!) and the book was a perfect celebration of both events even if at the time I didn’t know just how significant this book would truly be to my life.
As a child we are taught very simple yet very valuable rules but by the time we become an adult we often think we know better and seem to forget the importance of these rules somewhere along the way. But these rules continue to follow us along our journey well into adulthood and in one way or another they will be tested and they will be a constant reminder to us through our failures, our tribulations, our practices and even through our triumphs and successes.
If only we continued to embrace the world around us as we once did in Kindergarten with optimism, adventure and like there ain’t nothing that’s gonna stand in the way of our dreams then maybe by the time we reach adulthood we could appreciate or be bold enough to practice some, if not all of Fulghum’s very important lessons he mentions in his book starting with learning to live our best life by ensuring we create a well balanced life. That means we need to “learn some and drink some and draw some and paint some and sing and dance and play and work everyday some.”
I know I feel like I lost my way sometime after I reached adulthood and I would give just about anything right now to be able to live a well balanced life by adhering to the same simple rules for which we teach our children to in Kindergarten. For far too long now I have been playing an adult version of Hide-and-Seek which Fulghum describes as “Wanting to hide. Needing to be sought. Confused about being found.” A perfect metaphor for where I am in my life and that maybe, had I learned back in Kindergarten that it was okay to colour outside of the lines or that it was okay to colour the sky pink or the grass purple I may have been better prepared for what lay ahead. But for now I am slowly learning to embrace a life where “warm cookies and cold milk are good for you” and that taking a nap is all part of good mental health.
No-one can really know for sure what their future holds but this book can encourage us and teach us that no matter what we do or where we end up in our life we must hold on tight to our creativity, we must be open to exploring new boundaries, we must grasp our arms tightly around our imperfections and we must remember how important it is to step outside of our comfort zone in order to live a well balanced life. And we must also never forget that we are not alone and that “when you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together!”
***Read the book if you haven’t already and read it again if you already have!
Last week was a pretty damn crappy one. I experienced some of the most difficult and trying days for me and without so much of the incredible support in my life I wouldn’t have made it through. I was reminded the other day of a blog I wrote over 3 years ago called “Make Your Bed”. It is one of the very first blogs I ever wrote and to this day is still one of my favorites. I thought since many of you probably didn’t see it the first time around and even if you did originally read it, we could all still use some good ole fashioned motivation before we start the new week ahead. I also highly recommend you watch the video too; it actually inspired my kids to start making their beds every morning!
Recently I watched a commencement speech given by Admiral William H. McRaven, a retired U.S Navy Seal, in 2014 to the graduating class at the University of Texas. I was so intrigued listening to his speech which recounted 10 lessons he learned from his 6 months of grueling, demanding, tiring and debilitating Navy Seal training. These 10 lessons not only apply to life as a Navy Seal, but it equally applies to the challenges that each and every one of us endure as human beings living in an uncertain world.
After giving his speech in 2014, which went viral, Admiral William H. McRaven decided that he still had so much more to share with the world from his 37 year career as a U.S Navy Seal (which included the capturing of Saddam Hussein). He felt a responsibility to expand on how those 10 simple lessons helped shape his life and did so by publishing a book a few months ago titled “Make Your Bed”. It is a small but extremely powerful, compassionate and optimistic book that I was able to read with ease. It is subtitled “Little Things That Can Change Your Life…And Maybe The World”. That for me was what caught my eye as I am always looking for inspirational and relevant words that pertain to my life.
Each of the 10 chapters recounts stories of perseverance, suffering, determination, courage and humbleness. Even through all of the hardships he endured, he still finds a way to motivate and captivate his readers with his knowledge and experience. He reminds us that life is not meant to be attempted alone, that we all need a strong team behind us, cheering us on and picking up the slack when times get tough. He teaches us the importance of respect and to never ever caste judgement on others. He conveys to us that life is not always fair and that sometimes bad things do happen to good people. He proves to us that failure IS an option and it will only help build character and strength. He shows us that we all must take risks in order to get through the toughest obstacles that may be standing in our way. He tells us to never back down from our fears, that it is better to face them straight on in order to find the courage to move forward. He emphasizes that no matter what darkness may be thrown our way at some point in our lives, and it will, make sure to find the hopefulness and power within us to never ever give up.
The title “Make Your Bed” which is in turn, the first chapter of the book is also the foundation for which all the other chapters are built on. How many times as a child did your parents tell you to make your bed, and how many times as a parent yourself have you mimicked those words to your own children. My kids can attest to this as I am constantly bugging them to complete this task, but I am continually let down in my efforts.
The Admiral drills into his reader’s heads how important it is to accomplish this task, no matter how small or senseless it may seem to many it can actually change the way you approach your day. He believes that if you want to change your life or conquer the world, it starts by completing this task first thing every morning, igniting a positive tone for what challenges may be thrown your way that day. It helps lay to rest the struggles you may have encountered the day before, giving you fresh opportunities to face another day productively and ensure you complete many more tasks throughout your day. As silly as it may seem, developing this good habit can also help reduce your stress level and de-clutter your mind, as when you walk into your room with a well made bed the aura of cleanliness will always make you smile and not to mention the satisfaction you feel when you get back into your tidy bed at the end of the day. Lastly, by completing this simple task at the start of every day can help to reinforce the importance that its the little things in life that truly matter and who in this world doesn’t need a healthy dose of that. I for one do, and from now on, the start of every day (whatever time that may be), I will be completing this task, maybe with hospital corners and all…and maybe just maybe, it will inspire my kids to follow…ya right, who am I kidding?
*I encourage everyone to watch Admiral William H. McRaven’s commencement speech on YouTube…or read his book!*
A year ago today (it came up on my memory wall) I told you about a chronic recurrent skin condition that I have been battling with for about 3 years now (see blog; Antibiotics: To Take Or Not To Take). Its name is as painful to pronounce as the condition itself and when a flair up occurs it is beyond debilitating.
Last summer I went to see a specialist who happens to be the only one of her kind in the city who specializes in Hidradenitis Suppurativa (HS for short). Months prior to seeing the specialist I had been put on an antibiotic indefinitely which I was not comfortable with but it seemed like the only solution until my appointment with the specialist.
Once I finally met with the specialist she then prescribed me yet another medication that she said would be more tolerable as a long term option. We discussed future treatments in case the medication didn’t work, treatments which could include surgery or a very well known drug which treats many autoimmune diseases that would need to be injected into my body weekly for the rest of my life.
As you can well imagine, none of her options sounded too appealing to me. We also had a very candid discussion about many of the underlying causes behind this chronic (and basically) non- curable condition. Included in that list of causes are inflammation in the body and mood disorders, both of which have been the bane of my existence for almost 6 years now. It is also very likely to affect people (this condition in general affects more women than men) who are overweight and who smoke. Well lucky me, I was basically 4 for 4.
I have another follow up appointment in a couple of months but I have not had a single flair up in 2 months since I began my quest to find all natural remedies for my Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis symptoms. I have lost weight and quit smoking in that same 2 month period and I am living pain free as well; all thanks to a couple of scoops of magic each and every day. And the best part is I don’t need to take medication anymore to keep the flair ups at bay.
There may be no cure for HS or many of the other daily issues that consume my life but for now I am grateful to have found these products that are helping me focus on finding my way towards living my best life both mentally and physically.
I hope you can tell from the picture (it’s a glass frame so you may have to zoom in to get the full effect) that the central focus inside the frame is a semicolon with positive affirmations encompassing it. The semicolon has been a huge part of my story for several years now and I have shown my support to the Project Semicolon Movement for close to 4 years now. For those of you who don’t know, Project Semicolon is a “nonprofit organization known for its advocacy of mental health wellness and its focus as an anti-suicide initiative. Founded in 2013, the movement’s aim is presenting hope and love to those who are struggling with depression,suicide, addiction, and self-injury. They are known for encouraging people to tattoo the punctuation mark semicolon (;) as a form of solidarity between people dealing with mental illness or the death of someone from suicide”, which is what I did in July 2016 (see photo).
I’ve been struggling a lot over the past week and I figured I could use some inspiration today so I made it a “crafty” kind of day. It’s ok to not be ok, it’s ok to talk about the hard days and it’s more than ok to tell someone you’re struggling because we all deserve to feel hope, we all deserve to feel worthy and we all deserve to feel like our story isn’t over yet;
My tattoo on my left shoulder
You see, a semicolon is not just any ole punctuation mark that an author would use to end a sentence, it instead indicates a brief pause, and for me that brief pause is a symbol of my life and the need to catch my breath in order to continue the rest of my story. We are all authors to our own stories and it’s ok if you need to take a pause between sentences.
The other night I cracked open a can of diet coke from the fridge. It had been well over a week since I’d even had the urge to do so and I actually felt the back of my throat start to burn as I drank it. Just 2 short months ago I literally drank diet coke for breakfast, lunch, dinner and as a midnight snack; I mean if I could have taken it intravenously I would have but now thanks to the delicious cup of hot cocoa (which also comes in coffee) I’ve been drinking every morning for almost 2 months my craving, my desire, my need, my want for diet coke is completely gone. I’m even starting to believe that this magic cup of hot chocolate may be the reason that I wanted to quit smoking too! Can you imagine how the back of my throat would feel today inhaling a cigarette, 21 days smoke-free!
Today I’m having a particularly hard day. I can’t say that there’s been one thing in particular that has made the start of the new week so hard for me but often when someone is suffering with Depression and Anxiety there doesn’t have to be a good reason, it just is. I probably experienced every negative emotion known to mankind before noon-time today and cried at least three times before then as well.
I wasn’t sure I was gonna make it past noon today with so many overwhelmingly negative and unwanted thoughts going on inside my head causing me a great amount of fear, guilt, anger and sadness to erupt all at once so I sure as hell was grateful that I had an appointment already scheduled to see my therapist this afternoon.
Over the course of my illness there has been one constant in my journey and that is therapy. It has not always been good therapy and some of it has left me shaking my head in shock and anger and some has just been downright awful but through a lot of trial and error I finally found the perfect balance for me a couple of years ago and my lifesaver. I’m not ashamed to tell people I go to therapy (well that’s probably quite obvious by now seeing as I divulge every intimate thought and feeling to you!) and it makes me feel sad when some people are reluctant to see a Therapist or make excuses as to why they can’t see one because whether it’s going to see a Therapist, a Counsellor, a Life Coach, a Social Worker, a Psychologist or a Psychiatrist when you are feeling overwhelmed or sad should be just as normal as going to see your Doctor when you have the flu!
I know that therapy can be very expensive if not covered by OHIP (in Canada) or an insurance plan (if you even have one) and we all know that there can be long wait lists for OHIP covered Therapists and Doctors however there are still plenty of places to start if you need help right away including Distress and Crisis Helplines and Hospital ER’s. I have found myself in many Emergency Rooms, too many times now that I’ve stopped counting, but during several of those visits I have been given access to free community-based group and individual programs and sometimes I was also placed in one on one care with a Counsellor who work with outpatients.
It’s not always easy to talk to a loved one or confidant about what you are feeling and very often when a situation is bigger than you then you may need an outsider to listen to you who can advise you from a non-judgmental place and with an unbiased perspective. A therapist et al can help to validate your experience and not make you and your problems feel unworthy while being in a safe place to process your thoughts. They will give you different tools for working through difficult situations, allowing room for your personal growth, teach you coping skills, give you insight and model for you what healthy boundaries and healthy relationships should be and sometimes just being able to say things out loud can help you understand your thoughts and feelings in a whole new way.
Until 5 years and 10 months ago I had never been to a Therapist; I never felt that I needed to but now I look at therapy or life-coaching from a totally different lens and I truly believe that at some point or another in every person’s life that seeking the guidance of a professional for a little extra emotional support could really help keep us balanced. We all go through ups and downs in our lifetime and we could all use some tweaking from time to time and there ain’t no shame in that! Oh and by the way, no matter how hard today has been for me I did not smoke!!
If you or someone you know needs immediate help start here or go to your closest emergency room:
January is behind me now and all I can say about that is good riddance to you and don’t let the cold air hit you in the face on the way out. I had big intentions for January which included great forethought and planning after purposely taking some much needed downtime for myself for much of December. Yes January, you really let me down big time but you also taught me a thing or two about myself as well.
I spent the month resting and for the better part of it I needed to do so in order to recuperate from my concussion but at the same time I got quite comfortable doing so, possibly too comfortable. As someone who battles with depression everyday, it’s not ideal to want to be in bed all day and night, even if you may need to. I have to say though that one thing that helped me survive the month of January was believe it or not, Social Media.
I’m not afraid to admit it but I love Facebook and I’m not gonna apologize for it either, nor do I have any intentions to use it less, in fact I need to use it even more… intentionally. Facebook and other forms of Social Media have become a place for me to express myself, engage in meaningful conversations, inspire and be inspired, motivate and be motivated and a place where I have created many genuine and intentional friendships as well.
Social Media has allowed me to speak my truth, help others speak their truth and when I need a little extra emotional support I know that my online community is always there for me. Trust me I have lots of emotional support from my “real” friends and family too but just knowing how many people I have cheering me on from the sidelines is a true blessing.
Since starting my blog and publishing my book I’ve needed Social Media more than ever and I have learned how to navigate it with the greatest intent of continuing to keep building a bigger and better platform to ensure my message is heard and heard loudly. I’m having a hard time getting back on track and just so overwhelmed right now but hopefully February has much better intentions for me! At least there is one thing I know for sure that February has in store, only 47 more days until Spring!
Yesterday’s Bell Let’s Talk initiative raised over 7.5 million dollars all because of you! Bell’s initiative is considered to be the largest mental health movement in the entire world (#proudcanadian) and even saw the likes of @ellendegeneres tweeting out #BellLetsTalk hashtags!
Since its conception 10 years ago there has been a definite step in the right direction as to how we talk about mental illness and Bell’s generous initiative and donations year after year are helping to make a difference in the lives of so many communities even if some choose to not believe it. I mean can you tell me what other big corporations do you know of that are dedicated to donating that much money to help support research, development and mental health across Canada?
And for me yesterday while reading so many heartfelt stories on social media by people opening up about their own personal struggles with mental illness was the icing on the cake. For some it was their very first time (that takes a whole lot of courage, trust me I know!)and it also brings us one step closer to ending the stigma. Having the courage to share your struggles openly, honesty and with vulnerability may just be the key that unlocks someone else’s ability to start their own conversation and find the strength to ask for help. So please, let’s keep the conversation going every single day and if you ever need someone to talk to day or night I am always here to listen, without judgment!
Today is #BellLetsTalkDay. I can’t believe it’s already in its 10th year. Bell’s main initiative each year is to raise awareness and combat the stigma surrounding mental illness. During #BellLetsTalkDay, Bell Media donates 5¢ (in Canada) for every text, call, tweet, social media video view and use of their Facebook frame or Snapchat filter.
Their campaign initiative this year is “when it comes to mental health every action counts” so please take a few minutes today and do your part to help raise awareness to end the stigma, be present for someone who needs it, start an important conversation, check on a loved one, be kind to yourself and don’t forget to text, call, tweet #BellLetsTalk, watch their social media video and view and use their Facebook frame or Snapchat filter.
**Over the last several years there has been a lot of controversy surrounding #BellLetsTalkDay as many people feel that it’s just an excuse for a big money hungry Corporation to use their initiative as nothing more than one giant advertising campaign. Well I say kudos to them for stepping up (it’s not like our Government is helping matters) because I’m more than happy to support a Corporation that is doing their part to raise awareness, educate others, start important conversations and create positive change all the while donating millions of dollars to research, development and organizations in need of funds to help support mental health. Start the conversation today and help make it a better tomorrow!https://letstalk.bell.ca/en/results-impact/#funds #BellLetsTalk #endthestigmatogether #youareenough #choosekindness #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #mentalillness #mentalhealth #everyactioncounts #wheredidmommyssmilego #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation #dontsufferinsilence Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.
YouAreEnough 
You must be logged in to post a comment.