Many (and I emphasize the word “many”) of us are struggling with our mental health more than ever before right now which is why we need to remind ourselves to make sure that each day includes “Me Time”. Is it selfish? No F#*king way. Is it essential and non-negotiable? You better f#*king believe it is. We all need to hit the pause button more than ever. There are 24 hours in a day (don’t know how we would fill any more than that right now), so tell me which hour of the day do you prefer to spend your “Me Time”? And more importantly what are some of the ways you like to spend it?
Creating a Vision Board is something I’ve wanted to do and more importantly it’s something I’ve needed to do for quite some time now as part of my healing but it’s definitely not just a great activity for healing your mind.
Visualization is probably one of the most powerful things though that you can do to exercise your mind and now more than ever it seems like the perfect time for a creative and welcomed distraction. Now seems like the perfect time and best way to bring some clarity into our lives during these uncertain times. Now seems like the perfect time to focus our attention on something positive and purposeful.
What seemed important to us just weeks ago (shit at this point it’s more like days or hours ago), what we thought we needed in our life just weeks ago, what we envisioned for ourselves just weeks ago, what we hoped and dreamed for our future just weeks ago, what we thought was a priority in our life just weeks ago may all of the sudden have so much less value and may not even matter anymore all together when we can finally begin to heal from this tragedy.
Vision Boards can include images, words or phrases that affirm our intentions and help us stay focused on our goals. I decided it was finally the right time for me to create my Vision Board yesterday as my anxiety was causing me severe heart palpitations, numbness and uncontrollable shaking and a much needed creative distraction was in order.
Through my Vision Board I know that I need to continue to write, to continue to blog, to continue to share my journey, to continue to help others by sharing my children’s book, to continue to advocate for change, to continue to show empathy, to continue to listen to others who need to be heard, to continue starting important conversations and to continue to find a way to heal.
Creating a Vision Board doesn’t have to be an activity you do alone and you don’t need to be creative; you can even do them online with an App called Canva. But no matter how you choose to create your Vision Board, it’s a relaxing way to help nurture your mind and even a fun activity to try with the whole family, maybe even try doing a Zoom Vision Board Party with friends!
If you have ever created a Vision Board before I’d love to see them in the comments or come back here when you’re all done.
There is still so much uncertainty right now pertaining to the rest of the current school year and for 2 of my kids this isn’t really an issue given that my son is done school already and one daughter is just completing her last few weeks of her 3rd year of University which is now being done all online, but then there is my youngest daughter who is just a few short months away from her High School Graduation and it’s beyond heartbreaking to think that she could miss out on the best and most defining moments of her High School career.
March Break is now officially over for us Ontarions and early this morning my daughter should have been returning home from her Graduation trip to Punta Cana with her friends, but instead she is at home unable to return to school for another 2 weeks, but whose kidding who, it’s going to be much longer than that and there has been quite a bit of buzz over the last few days that school could actually be cancelled for the remainder of the year.
As of right now there has not been any concrete plan put into place for this very possible and very devastating scenario, the one where my daughter doesn’t get to go to her High School Prom or attend her Graduation Ceremony but ya at least she has the accessibility to finish up her school year online if need be. But not every child can do so, in fact many children and their families don’t have computer or internet access in their home and have always relied on the available and free resources from our schools and libraries.
And right now many parents are panicking and rightfully so, but can we just take a step back for a moment (we have nothing better to do right now anyways). We as parents are under a tremendous amount of stress, overwhelm and anxiety about how they are going to be able to “homeschool” their children when the reality is, we aren’t meant to homeschool our kids unless that was the path you had already chosen for them. And an even bigger reality right now is that if school is to be cancelled for the remainder of the school year we honestly have so much more to be worried about than learning fractions or Shakespeare (he needs to be scraped from the curriculum all together!).
I really don’t think I need to tell you what it means if this pandemic continues right through to the summer. Right now we need to support each other as parents and remember that many parents may be doing this parenting and social distancing thing alone or maybe they are coping with the stressors that come along with having a child with special needs or maybe they are new to Canada and haven’t yet grasped the English language or maybe they are dealing with some physical or emotional issues.
Whatever it is that someone else may be going through we need to stop judging each other. Whatever way you are able to get through today and tomorrow and the day after that, remember that you are a good parent and doing the best you can to survive these unprecedented times.
So for now while we wait for what’s to come in the next few weeks try to focus on some kind of routine, but one which allows room for lots of flexibility and lots of outdoor recess and naptime. Now is as good a time as ever to slow down because we ain’t going anywhere anytime soon. Also let’s remember that our main objective as parents and human beings right now is to keep you and your family safe as best you can.
There will be so many opportunities for teachable moments throughout the day and maybe it will happen while you’re baking cookies, laughing at a TV show or taking a walk outside or maybe while you’re playing a game or painting a picture. Homeschooling needs to be about self-care which as I said above is much more important right now than fractions (and for sure Shakespeare; sorry to my Shakespeare fans).
So considering my illness feels like it’s hit an iceberg and is causing me to suffer with daily headaches to boot, I will continue to try my best to be the best parent I know how by ensuring that my kids all get an A+ for doing their part in watching way too much Netflix while they help to flatten the curve.
If you’re feeling lonely, vulnerable, isolated, anxious or afraid (or maybe all of them) right now then take a step outside for a moment and look up at the sky above you (wherever you are day or night) and know that no matter where you are in the world that we all share the same beautiful sky. So reach your hands up in the air as high up as you can, close your eyes, take a deep breath and imagine for a moment the whole world united by that same beautiful sky.
A beautiful “pick me up” email I received today on what feels otherwise very sombering. I always love receiving emails from Amazon informing me that I’ve just sold a book, but when I see that one person/organization bought 5 at one time makes my heart overflow with joy.
Boy did I pick the wrong decade to quit smoking. I came very close to caving today, probably the closest I’ve come in the 2 months since quitting. My mental health has gotten the best of me. I went to the store today where I’ve been buying my cigarettes for years, the woman working behind the counter asked me how I am doing and of course the tears began flowing down my cheeks as I stood there staring right through her at the shelving of cigarettes mounted to the wall above her head. I wiped away my tears, took a deep breath and decided maybe winning the lottery was a better choice for me today instead.
Yesterday was a difficult day for many and I know that there was alot to take in and that new information was being thrown at us from every news source; pretty much on an hourly basis. So it’s perfectly understandable that our level of anxiety may be higher than normal today. This is all very unprecedented territory and still very much unknown. I have compiled a list (through several Mental Health Experts) of some ways for us to cope with this type of anxiety.
1.Take a break from the news or limit the amount of time you spend watching it, and try to filter it out online. Also please remember that half of what is being shared on Social Media is not always the truth. 2. Talk to someone (or text) about how you are feeling. Sorting out your emotions and feeling supported by loved ones is so helpful. Keeping your feelings bottled up will only cause you to spiral further. 3. Try to be present in the moment. If you are feeling anxious about catching the virus just let yourself know that right now there is no immediate threat to you and use lots of positive affirmations to remind yourself that you are safe. 4. Start journaling and writing down your thoughts and feelings of gratitude.
It’s ok to feel anxious or angry, or have difficulty sleeping or concentrating but the best thing we can all do right now is to keep washing our hands and following all the required steps to try and stay healthy for ourselves and our loved ones and remember that not every cough and sneeze means someone has Corona!
Ya it’s no secret that I have a severe anxiety and panic disorder and ya it’s no secret that it disrupts my life daily. I’m just not sure if you can actually imagine how badly it affects my daily life and how severely it affects those closest to me either (unless you are one of the lucky ones to have witnessed it first hand).
I feel like I’m living in a constant war zone in my own head which only amplifies how severe my anxiety and panic have become over the last few months. I’d also be lying if I didn’t acknowledge that my illness has taken a toll on many other’s lives, some of whom I drive up a wall on a regular basis because of my severe anxiety and panic but I truly feel like I just can’t help myself.
And guess who gets to feel the brunt of it? If you guessed anyone other than Rich you guessed wrong :). Rich, (unfortunately for him) is my lifeline and my safety net and the lucky guy who gets to hear me say “What’s wrong?” on a daily basis. That phrase probably spews off my tongue at least 25 times a day but if you were to ask Rich he’d probably tell you to double that number.
No matter what, my head is always full of catastrophic and unwanted thoughts and whether Rich is sitting right next to me minding his own business or we are miles apart it’s become a very burdensome and knee-jerk reaction at all hours of the day and night for me. I am very much aware that it has become excessive and uncontrollable but lately it feels quite warranted!
So what has Rich done to try and minimize the disruptive and very annoying (his word!) behavior and help ease his tolerance? Well probably what any caring and supportive husband would do; he mocks me in an ever so loving way by trying to beat me to the punch by texting me cute little memes during the day that are captioned “what’s wrong?” or when he enters a room that I am already in, knowing full well that I am about to shout out “what’s wrong?” (because why else would he be entering a room if it weren’t that something was catastrophically wrong) he will often yell out those exact same words but before I am able to first and once again try and beat me to the punch in of course an oh so loving way!
What Rich doesn’t realize is that although he finds himself quite amusing (and trying to keep his sense of humour afloat), at the same time he is actually putting my anxiety and panic at ease for a moment in time as he enters a room bearing a big smirk on his face! And although it may be in jest it is actually giving me some reassurance that nothing is wrong in that moment.
My brain is so exhausted lately and I am sleeping less and less, I’m more overwhelmed than ever lately which leaves me in a constant fight or flight mode and I am always feeling on the edge. I keep challenging my negative thoughts and worries all day long but anxiety makes fears feel legitimate and very real.
Yup fearing something that may or may not happen can be very disruptive and very harmful to your daily life and an annoyance to those around you but I guess I am just like a boy scout who must always “be prepared”!
Remember it’s okay to eat that slice of cake or whatever the treat may be that brings you comfort after a long and stressful day, or on a hot summer’s eve to cool you off or maybe it’s a special Holiday treat that reminds you of a happy time in your life. Whatever the reason may be, go ahead and enjoy! Afterall isn’t it the simplest things in life that are often the ones to bring us the most joy even if for just a brief moment in time.
I was speaking with someone the other day about how overwhelmed, disconnected and alone she is feeling. I listened as she opened up to me about how she is struggling with so much self-doubt in her every day life when it comes to her role as a mom, a wife, a daughter and friend (pretty much me on a daily basis). She continued to open up to me by telling me that she has become quite envious of her neighbour’s life. Before letting me know her reasons for feeling so envious of her neighbour she prefaced it by saying that she felt embarrassed for even thinking this way, and especially for saying it out loud. But we should never have to apologize for our feelings and there is certainly no right or wrong way of doing so.
Depression can be triggered by so many different emotions and I bet most of you would never think that envy could be part of that list, but it most definitely is and it most definitely can be both toxic and detrimental to our mental health and wellness even if it is a very normal human emotion.
She explained to me (not that she needed to) that her kitchen window and her neighbour’s kitchen window are across from one another and that she has a bird’s eye view into her neighbour’s life. What she sees through her kitchen window on a daily basis is how much love and support the matriarch of the family (who is a stay-at-home mom) has in her life whether it be from her husband who prepares dinners to her nanny helping her with her kids or from her sister who often drops by for a visit; just because.
Envy as you know is a cross between jealousy and anger and it assumes that someone else’s life is way better than our own. It is “the art of counting another’s blessings” instead of being grateful for what we already have in our life which creates jealousy or anger toward that someone else. Envy can also caste a shadow over our own successes and accomplishments and often draws many conclusions or untruths about others, so for an individual like myself who suffers with Depression and Anxiety, it only raises the bar for feeling even more inadequate than usual.
We may think that we know what’s going on in someone else’s “kitchen” which can bring about feelings of self-doubt and self-hatred and question our own self-worth on a whole new level but it’s all just another big fat lie that our illness tells us. Everyone struggles at something or with something and nobody’s life is perfect. What we see when we peek through that window when no one is watching will probably tell a much different story. I have said this time and time again, even the most famous and wealthiest people on this planet have struggles and that all the money and all the luxuries in the world cannot and will never fix that.
I encouraged my friend that now would be the perfect time to start journaling more as she has been wanting to do so and says she finds that it helps her sort through so many of her emotions when she puts her thoughts and feelings down on paper (I can’t agree more). I also mentioned to her that maybe while she is journaling it’s probably best if she dims the lights and close the drapes in her kitchen!
YouAreEnough 
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