Tag: chronic illness

So Long January

January is behind me now and all I can say about that is good riddance to you and don’t let the cold air hit you in the face on the way out.  I had big intentions for January which included great forethought and planning after purposely taking some much needed downtime for myself for much of December. Yes January, you really let me down big time but you also taught me a thing or two about myself as well. 

I spent the month resting and for the better part of it I needed to do so in order to recuperate from my concussion but at the same time I got quite comfortable doing so, possibly too comfortable. As someone who battles with depression everyday, it’s not ideal to want to be in bed all day and night, even if you may need to.  I have to say though that one thing that helped me survive the month of January was believe it or not, Social Media.

I’m not afraid to admit it but I love Facebook and I’m not gonna apologize for it either, nor do I have any intentions to use it less, in fact I need to use it even more… intentionally.  Facebook and other forms of Social Media have become a place for me to express myself, engage in meaningful conversations, inspire and be inspired, motivate and be motivated and a place where I have created many genuine and intentional friendships as well.  

Social Media has allowed me to speak my truth, help others speak their truth and when I need a little extra emotional support I know that my online community is always there for me. Trust me I have lots of emotional support from my “real” friends and family too but just knowing how many people I have cheering me on from the sidelines is a true blessing.

Since starting my blog and publishing my book I’ve needed Social Media more than ever and I have learned how to navigate it with the greatest intent of continuing to keep building a bigger and better platform to ensure my message is heard and heard loudly. I’m having a hard time getting back on track and just so overwhelmed right now but hopefully February has much better intentions for me!  At least there is one thing I know for sure that February has in store, only 47 more days until Spring!

#bekindtoyourself #startaconversation #socialmedia #facebook #twitter #instagram #blogger #childrensauthor #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #courage #goodriddancejanuary #intent #intention #buildingaplatform #mentalillness #selfcare #mentalwellness

Keep Talking

Yesterday’s Bell Let’s Talk initiative raised over 7.5 million dollars all because of you! Bell’s initiative is considered to be the largest mental health movement in the entire world (#proudcanadian) and even saw the likes of @ellendegeneres tweeting out #BellLetsTalk hashtags! 

Since its conception 10 years ago there has been a definite step in the right direction as to how we talk about mental illness and Bell’s generous initiative and donations year after year are helping to make a difference in the lives of so many communities even if some choose to not believe it. I mean can you tell me what other big corporations do you know of that are dedicated to donating that much money to help support research, development and mental health across Canada? 

And for me yesterday while reading so many heartfelt stories on social media by people opening up about their own personal struggles with mental illness was the icing on the cake. For some it was their very first time (that takes a whole lot of courage, trust me I know!)and it also brings us one step closer to ending the stigma. Having the courage to share your struggles openly, honesty and with vulnerability may just be the key that unlocks someone else’s ability to start their own conversation and find the strength to ask for help. So please,  let’s keep the conversation going every single day and if you ever need someone to talk to day or night I am always here to listen, without judgment!

#BellLetsTalk #endthestigmatogether #youareenough #startaconversation #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #masksoff #everyactioncounts #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca

Bell Let’s Talk Day

Today is #BellLetsTalkDay. I can’t believe it’s already in its 10th year. Bell’s main initiative each year is to raise awareness and combat the stigma surrounding mental illness. During #BellLetsTalkDay, Bell Media donates 5¢ (in Canada) for every text, call, tweet, social media video view and use of their Facebook frame or Snapchat filter.

Their campaign initiative this year is “when it comes to mental health every action counts” so please take a few minutes today and do your part to help raise awareness to end the stigma, be present for someone who needs it, start an important conversation, check on a loved one, be kind to yourself and don’t forget to text, call, tweet #BellLetsTalk, watch their social media video and view and use their Facebook frame or Snapchat filter. 

**Over the last several years there has been a lot of controversy surrounding #BellLetsTalkDay as many people feel that it’s just an excuse for a big money hungry Corporation to use their initiative as nothing more than one giant advertising campaign. Well I say kudos to them for stepping up (it’s not like our Government is helping matters) because I’m more than happy to support a Corporation that is doing their part to raise awareness, educate others, start important conversations and create positive change all the while donating millions of dollars to research, development and organizations in need of funds to help support mental health. Start the conversation today and help make it a better tomorrow!https://letstalk.bell.ca/en/results-impact/#funds
#BellLetsTalk #endthestigmatogether #youareenough #choosekindness #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #mentalillness #mentalhealth #everyactioncounts #wheredidmommyssmilego #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation #dontsufferinsilence 
Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.

Puzzle Time

Now that my concussion symptoms have subsided what better way to work on improving some of my cognitive skills that have been severely lacking over the last few weeks than with a brand new puzzle!

#itsbeenawhile #ilovepuzzles #cognitiveskills #itsoktonotbeok #ichooseme #youarenotalone #youareenough #mentalwellness #mentalhealth #fifteenhundredpieces #ravensburger

Accepting Help Is Super Cool

It’s been a very long week for me, well to be quite honest it’s been a helluva long year so far (a whole 24 days in) and I think I need a do over. And what the heck was I possibly thinking when amidst all the chaos in my life this month I decided I wanted to quit smoking because there just wasn’t enough on my plate already! 

I’m experiencing an unbearable amount of overwhelm between recuperating from my concussion (which seems to be 99.9 % better), quitting smoking cold turkey ten days ago, tending to some very private family matters and learning how to rid both my body and mind of some very personal demons I’m fighting off so I’m kinda just barely holding on to the edge of that cliff right now (and I’m not sure if I may of mentioned too that my mother’s been in the hospital once again for the past two weeks).  

So in all reality I haven’t quite taken too many steps forward into the new year or gotten back on track like I’d hoped to and well, to be honest again, I feel like I’ve taken so many more steps backwards instead. I know I don’t give myself any credit for the things I have done because my memory is very short term and seems to only have the capacity to hold onto the negative parts. But I also know that without all the help and support I’ve received not just today or last week but over the course of my illness I’d have surely let go long ago.  

Asking for help may be looked at by many as a sign of weakness but as difficult as it may be, asking for help is actually the complete opposite.  Asking for help shows great strength, courage and bravery. When faced with mental health challenges, asking for help can be even more challenging but if there is one thing I have learned throughout my journey it’s how important it is to let your loved ones (or an entire community in my case) in because how else can they be there for you and give their support to you otherwise.

I admit, I find it very difficult to ask for help because I feel like I am enough of a burden to others as it is and even when help is genuinely offered to me I am always hesitant to accept it because well it kinda feels like you have lost all control but truth be told that theory went out the window almost six years ago for me when I basically lost control of my mind. Over time I have learned to surrender to those feelings and I know how important it is to show others your vulnerable side which takes great strength as well and once you have the ability to let your guard down you will see that even you deserve a little help sometimes.

Across The Pond

Sold my first book across “The Pond” today! We may be complete strangers and seem worlds apart from one another but we have a bond that is bigger and stronger than any Mountain or Sea that separates us. Mental illness affects us all! Mental illness does not discriminate! 

#feelinggrateful #startaconversation #talktoyourkids  #dontsufferinsilence #itsoktonotbeok #masksoff #youarenotalone #youareenough #wheredidmommyssmilego #childrensbook #author #depression #family #children #uk #scotland #amazondotca

Is Relapse Inevitable?

I met a woman several years ago during one of my hospital stays. We became roommates and fast friends during our stay and although we may never have otherwise crossed paths in our lifetime (Fun fact: the home I grew up in from the time I moved to Toronto when I was 8 years old until my late teens was right next door to the home she sold just months before I moved in!) or had much in common at first, it turned out that our friendship ran so much deeper than our illness and we have continued to be a great support for one another ever since. 

Last year my friend began feeling better and living her best life ever. She started traveling for months on end, dancing up a storm (some nights) until dawn and engaging in joyful activities with her precious, young grandchildren. She was finally free from the horrible effects of her depression. It was no longer defining who she was or how she lived her life and the best part was that for the first time in several years she actually wanted to live; not for her children, not for her grandchildren but actually for herself. 

I think I felt a bit envious of her at first wondering when or if I too would ever feel the weight of my depression finally lift or if I would ever break free from it as well. I mean what had she done so differently to make it all just disappear as though it had never even happened? What was I still being punished for since we had tried so many of the same treatments and medications but nothing was helping me? 

I don’t have any of these answers and neither will anyone else to be honest because everyone’s journey is unique to them and everyone responds to treatments and medications differently and everyone finds their own path toward healing in their own time. But here is another question that pains me to ask; can depression truly be cured?

I’m asking this question today because well that same dear friend of mine who just last year was traveling for months on end, dancing up a storm until dawn and engaging in joyful activities with her precious grandchildren is now back in the deep throes of her depression.  What could have made her go from living her best life to now wondering if her life was even worth living?

Again I don’t actually have the answer but from the research I have read it seems likely that individuals with chronic depression (defined as episodes lasting two or more years) or with recurrent depressive episodes need to continue with maintenance treatment; not for months, not for years but for a lifetime. 

One major problem is that when a person’s depression goes into remission they may feel a state of euphoria, as though they are ready to conquer the world on their own but what many of us may not realize is that like with any other chronic disease that goes into remission, depression needs to be treated with the same ongoing support and care.

Just a few short months ago if you were to have asked my friend if she could ever imagine her depression would rear its ugly head again she would have probably said to you “What? Are you crazy?” (Ok just a little depression humour) but instead she is now left trying to understand why this is happening to her and feeling like she has somehow failed.

I know that I would feel the same way. I mean my illness literally seemed to hit me out of left field when it began close to 6 years ago (I want to throw up just at the thought that it’s been almost 6 years or maybe the nausea I’m feeling is just from the effects of my concussion). But through therapy I have learned that my illness probably didn’t hit me out of left field at all and I have been learning how to manage it ever since knowing now how quickly it can hit you. 

I have not yet felt the effects of being in remission but I do have a better understanding that if and when that day finally comes I will know that I can never let my guard down and that proper maintenance and continued love and support from others could help to ensure that whatever obstacles get in my way I will be ready for them and that I also have faith now that my friend will tackle this beast head on just like she had so bravely done before!

#depression #anxiety #mentalillness #mentalhealth #relapse #remission #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #friendship #isthereacure #treatmentresistant #maintenancetreatment #chronicillness 

It’s A Chanukah Miracle

IT’S A CHANUKAH MIRACLE 

As many of you may know who follow my blogs regularly I recently mentioned that I was diagnosed with the onset of Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis which combined have left me in severe and chronic pain over the last few months. 

Osteoarthritis can occur when the protective layer of cartilage in our joints wear down, it can also occur when too much stress is put on a joint, from an injury that may have occurred or even from being overweight. Having had a full body bone scan and some xrays done last month determined this to be my diagnosis. 

And because Fibromyalgia often has many common symptoms to Osteoarthritis but with pain being more widespread throughout your body as mine has been, the diagnosis seemed to go hand in hand, along with the fact that Fibromyalsia is commonly found in patients suffering with depression and anxiety. 
I did also mention recently that I was not wishing to be treated for Fibromyalgia with commonly prescribed medications as they are most often antidepressants and I’ve been there, done that. The pain meds I was taking to alleviate some of the pain associated with osteoarthritis were also not helping. 

I have tried taking out many foods from my diet that may help alleviate some of the pain and inflammation in my body and of course failed at that as well (diet coke probably being the hardest). 
One thing I know I’ve also needed to do for quite some time now is lose some weight, which after gaining approximately 100 pds over a 2 year span while experimenting with over 20 different antidepressants is not an easy task. Lucky for me, when my doctor weaned me off all of my medications 3 years ago more than half of that weight literally fell off, however the rest did not. 
Having a mindset to lose weight when your mind is as dysfunctional as mine is has been very very difficult to do and has also led to a vicious cycle of self-hatred. And then to top it all off, I gained close to another 10 pds in the short time I was taking my new medication (I am off it now). 

So as per usual I began searching once again for some natural remedies and treatments to help me with some of my issues (yes there are many!). Through researching I met a woman who has spent the last 18 years of her life living with several chronic and invisible illnesses including Fibromyalgia. She’s had to endure over 10 different surgeries and was taking more than 10 perscription drugs daily until one day not so long ago she began to advocate for herself and found some products which could help her lose weight, improve her mood and energy level, boost her immune system, lower the inflammation in her body and help manage her pain and she did all this and more. She is now off all of her prescription drugs, has melted away inches and pounds in the blink of an eye, has reduced the inflammation in her body, is no longer bedridden, has tons more energy and the best part of all is she can finally hug her now teenage son for the first time, pain free.

So ya her story inspired me, ALOT and in the last 14 days since deciding to try the same products myself I have lost over 10 pds and many inches, I no longer have any food (or beverage) cravings including diet coke and a few days ago I said to my husband that the pain that had been debilitating my life further for the last several months has gone from a 10+ most days to a 1. 

Who knows if it will bring about other changes as well over time in regards to helping my depression and anxiety but two weeks in I am completely amazed at what it’s done so far but for now I’ll take one Chanukah Miracle at a time!

https://www.myvalentus.com/kfluxgold

Please continue to follow my journey at: https://youareenough712.wordpress.com 

#itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #advocateforyourself #fibromyalsia #osteoarthritis #change #weightloss #nomorepain #chanukahmiracles 

Burnt-Out

BURNT-OUT

I may be all over the place today as I sit down to write this but it’s just because that’s how my mind works.  My illness causes my brain to always feel like there is a tornado swirling around in my head forcing me into a vortex without the ability to control it.  I know that I am very hard on myself and this week has been no exception.  

I have spent the past few days since making my national television debut on live TV hating myself more than ever even though I have had nothing but rave reviews; but my mind is telling me otherwise.  It’s told me that I am stupid, that people are just being nice, that I sounded like an idiot, that what I said was useless, that I didn’t get my point across the way I could have, that I made a fool of myself, that I should never have done it and that it’s time to give up on thinking that writing and publishing my book was ever a good idea to begin with.  Crazy eh?

I have been told this week by so many of you how brave I am, how courageous I am, how important it is to share my story, even the hosts of the morning show thought so, but yet here I am feeling like I am more worthless, hopeless and purposeless than ever. This week has been met with several other challenges as well which I can not share with you right now but is also a big part of what is making me need to take a step back and try to stop the vortex from pulling me right into the center of the storm.

One thing I know for certain is that the new medication I began several weeks ago is not helping me manage my illness, it in fact has done just the opposite. It’s left me with an increasingly high level of suicidal ideations, it’s left me with close to 10 pounds of weight gain even though my diet has not changed one bit and it’s left me not just tired from lack of sleep but fatigued beyond exhaustion.

Burnt-out is probably the best way to describe the way I am feeling right now and taking a step back as I mentioned is probably what I need to do which includes many of the projects I keep taking on because I have a hard time saying no. I have been trying to do too much which I also wrote about in another blog “Biting Off More Than I Can Chew” back on Sept 25, 2019 (https://youareenough712.wordpress.com) when my immune system first seemed to breakdown and now feels completely broken. 

I am also trying to fight off symptoms from the onset of osteo-arthritis and fibromyalgia (both of which I have been recently diagnosed with) and have taken an added toll on me both physically and mentally and has yet again left me searching for new treatments that don’t include medication. I have already tried changing my diet by adding certain foods and eliminating others that may cause further inflammation or pain in my body but I have had no real success and I will not take certain medications that treat fibromyalgia either as many of them are antidepressants which I have already tried for depression and failed big time.  

But my psychiatrist made a simple suggestion to me this week to get started as I begin to cleanse my body from the medication I am currently on to possibly begin another one. He told me that studies have shown that taking 1000 to 1500 mg of extra strength Tylenol every single day, 2 to 3 times a day can not only help fight off pain but may actually help with mood and anxiety as well if taken on a regular daily schedule. I even asked my good friend Dr. Google and he agreed!

I’ve spent a lot of time over the last month researching natural products that may be a better solution for both my current physical and mental state which could also help with inflammation and boost one’s immune system too and I found such products and began using them a week ago. In the first week since I have been taking them I lost close to the ten pounds I recently gained from the new medication. I’m hoping that this added bonus will soon start showing other signs of improvement to both my body and mind too but for now it seems like a step forward as I take some much needed steps back. (Don’t say I didn’t warn you that this blog would be all over the place!)

At Least It’s Not All In My Head

I’ve mentioned before that many studies show that there is a correlation between the level of inflammation in our body and Depression and that the higher the markers of inflammation are, the more likelihood that your body may reject antidepressants and lead to a diagnosis of “Treatment Resistant Depression”.
Throughout the last 5.5 years my doctor has had to keep an eye on my inflammation markers because they have often been at higher than normal levels and may just be what ultimately led to my diagnosis of “Treatment Resistant Depression”.
For those who missed my blog yesterday “The Physical Side Of Depression” (Nov. 21, 2019: https://youareenough712.wordpress.com), I mentioned how I have been experiencing a terrible amount of muscle/joint pain throughout my entire body over the last 5 or 6 weeks and a feeling of exhaustion much different than my regular feeling of exhaustion from lack of sleep which led my doctor to send me for a full body scan the other day. I received the results of that test yesterday afternoon and the good news for me was that the pain I’m feeling may actually not just be all in my head like my depression and anxiety want me to believe, but the bad news is I now need to have further tests done because the scan found high levels of that said inflammation in my wrists, my arms, my spine/lower back, my hips and my legs.
I’m feeling very overwhelmed right now thinking that “The Physical Side of Depression” may have led me to this point in my journey and that somehow I caused this to happen. I’m feeling exhausted just thinking about the possibility of learning to live with yet another so called “invisible illness” like Arthritis as that is what they are now looking further into. I’m feeling hopeless because what if my body rejects more medications and more treatments on top of all the ones it already has? To sum it all up, plain and simply I’m feeling defeated.
#itsoktonotbeok #depressionkills #anxietyisreal #mentalillness #chronicillness #youareenough #inflammation #invisibleillness
Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.