YouAreEnough

My mentally fragile brain feels forever wired to ruminate over every nasty negative thought and experience I have rather than staying present long enough to enjoy the positive ones. 

Rumination is very common for people like myself who suffer with depression and anxiety but I totally get how difficult it is for a healthy brain to understand the affect it can have on someone’s health and wellbeing. Even during those moments of joy, inside, my mind is more often than not, wandering to some stressful situation that happened in my day/week or replaying a problem over and over again that has not yet been resolved. 

The ruminations usually start off pretty innocently but very quickly build up to a level of obsessive behaviour while trying desperately to make sense of a situation which I can’t seem to grasp hold of or rectify or a want to feel heard or seen.

I’ve had a really trying couple of weeks but on Friday afternoon as I left my office and headed home I made a solemn promise to myself that I would try and let go of my ruminating thoughts and instead pour my energy into my busy weekend ahead of me.

In order for my plan to work, I surrounded myself with friends, made self-care a top priority (unfortunately we didn’t have time for hiking though) and found ways to distract my clouded mind, but still, the need to ruminate felt oddly irresistible and often stole my attention away from trying to stay present through it all.

But no matter what, I appreciate every single moment of joy I experienced this weekend; having several opportunities for self-care and most importantly, being surrounded by friends.

A special shout out to 2 very special people in my life, one for including both Rich and I today in her celebration champagne brunch (see pic) and two, for another very special friend who gifted me these 2 beautiful heart shaped crystals (see pic) during our evening together last night which I plan to hold close to me always. One being an amethyst which is meant to heal, cleanse, protect and bring calming energy to someone and the other stone, an opalite which helps bring clarity and strengthen self-insight.

I am truly blessed to have an army of love surrounding me through thick and thin.

#rumination #mentalhealth #negativethoughts #mentalwellness #clarity #protection #crystals #healingpowers #summerofrich #energy #amethyst #opalite #mentallyfragile #momentsofjoy #depression #anxiety #healthybrain #friendship 

In many ways it feels like just yesterday we were celebrating your first birthday.

Our firstborn, carefree, adorable, smart, funny baby boy with the infectious laugh, mischievous ways, adventurous spirit, loving, determined and so very adored; and whose innocence made him oblivious as to how much his life was about to change for the better, just 6 weeks from his first birthday celebrations.

You had your dad and I all to yourself for only a short while. Very quickly you went from being our entire world to becoming a big brother; and then again a few years later. 

It’s just one of the MANY roles in your life which you’ve mastered with great ease and a role that helped mold you into the amazing young man you have become today; always and forever our firstborn, carefree, adorable, smart, funny baby boy with the infectious laugh, mischievous ways, adventurous spirit, loving, determined and so very adored big brother. 

Wish we could celebrate with you in person today but your birthday is sure to be the best one yet as you continue on your summer adventure with friends, making the most incredible and lasting memories.

Thank you though for always taking us along with you on your travels with your updates, videos and pics and for being mindful in knowing that it’s probably best that you wait until after you’ve jumped out of an airplane and landed safe and sound on the ground before telling your mother. 

Keep living each day to its fullest Jacob, stay present in the moment and savour all the beauty that the world has to offer you. The rest is sure to fall into place.

Love you to the moon and back, forever and a day! Enjoy your special day.


#happybirthday #twentyfive #dreamoutloud #makeawish  #quartercentury #memories #adventure #travel #firstborn #babyboy #bigbrother #mentalwellness #celebratethemoments #eatcake  #loveyoutothemoonandback #foreverandaday #bebop #flux #fluxy  

It’s been a week…and a real shitty one at that. Ironically though it was a short one because of the holiday on Monday, but somehow it felt way longer…

Too many appointments crammed into a short week. It was probably very poor planning on my part but when some appointments are booked weeks or even months in advance (6 to be exact) you start to lose track. One of these appointments triggered a panic attack just by entering into the hospital corridors where the sights, the sounds and the smells of this particular hospital continue to be a reminder of when I was brought into their emergency room earlier this year by 2 police officers, in handcuffs (can you really blame me though?).

I’ve also been experiencing worsening physical symptoms and severe flare ups that seem to go on for days and days. They cause debilitating nausea, hopelessness, helplessness, tears and severe anxiety.

There was lots more crap that went down this week to make it a real shitty, super long one but I won’t get into any of that right now.

I haven’t been able to do much self-care this week, which includes writing as I continue to struggle with how to battle my inner conflict that really hinders me from achieving my ultimate goal of wellness. My intrusive thoughts and often confusing emotions just keep overriding it, causing me feelings of fear, anger, shame, disgust and frustration. 

Today Rich and I set out on a #summerofrich adventure to try and calm my mind…and body. I find I’m most at peace when in nature, when I challenge myself (and boy was this hike ever challenging) and as for all my physical issues I’ve been dealing with for 15 months now, moving my body seems to be the only time I feel some relief.

How do you manage your inner conflicts?


#innerconflict #shittyweek #nature #calmness #relief #shame #frustration #hiking #challenge #adventure #itsoktonotbeok #treatmentresistantdepression #anxiety #ptsd #panicattacks #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #physicalpain #Psilocybin #intrusivethoughts #suicideawareness #transcanadatrail #brucetrail

I did a thing today on this post Canada Day holiday Monday. I got another tattoo. My third one. 


It was a gift from my kids for my birthday. I designed it specially with them and Rich in mind.


I never had any desire to get a tattoo (let alone 3 of them) before my mental health journey first began nine + years ago but much like my writing, tattoos have now become a way to express myself, inspire hope and resilience and acts as a daily reminder of my journey toward mental wellness.


Some tattoos serve as a reflection of our past, some tell our ongoing stories of the present and others represent an embodiment of the person you most want to become. 


Each of my tattoos bring new meaning to my journey. My latest one is particularly meaningful to me as it not only symbolizes my ongoing internal struggle between light and darkness, but it also honours my greatest treasures in my life; My Family.


My family means everything to me; they are “my sun, my moon and all of my stars” ~ E.E. Cummings. And much like the sun 🌞 and the moon🌛and all of the stars 🌟🌟🌟🌟, they too brighten my darkest days, inspire me, give me strength and renewal and light up my world.


I chose to place my new tattoo on my left forearm, directly pointing in the direction of my heart, the place where I hold my family so dearly. Now I have a permanent visual that I can look at every day and be reminded of what’s most important in my life and know that no matter where the Universe takes me, I will never be alone.

A huge thank you to my 3 reasons why for this very meaningful gift. I love you all to the moon and back, forever and a day. 


#tattoos #inked #fiftytwo #mysunmymoonmystars #myworld #myeverything #mylightanddark #internalstruggle #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #youareenough #threetimesacharm #meaningful #myjourney #writer #blogger #author #inspire #renewal #hope #resilience #strength #universe  #iloveyoutothemoonandback #foreverandaday @piranhatattoo

Today’s self-care; sun, water and good friends.

A lake is nature’s therapy, soothing the mind and rejuvenating the soul…especially when it’s freezing cold!

Happy Canada Day 🇨🇦 from Lake Simcoe

#selfcare #boating #friendsforlife #beautifulday #itsbetteronthelake #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #youmatter #canadaday #summervibes #anxiety #depression #nature #therapy #rejuvenation #iceberg #lakesimcoe #proudtobecanadian

“You know, the ones who make you feel the most YOU.

The ones that lift you up and help you remember who you really are.

The ones that remind you that a blip in the road is just that, a blip.

They are the ones that when you walk out of a room, they make you feel like a better person than when you walked in.

They are the ones that even if you don’t see them face to face as often as you’d like, you see them heart to heart.”
~ Jennifer Pastiloff 

#findyourpeople #mytribe #thankyou #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #depression #anxiety #mentalillnessisreal #throughthickandthin #canadadaylongweekend #shabbatshalom

A sweltering but beautiful #summerofrich adventure/birthday weekend hike today with friends. Our hikes always feel more meaningful when friends tag along ❤️. 

We hiked 10km in the heat and humidity, and pushed through some difficult terrain and uphill climbs but we took our time to rest, kept hydrated and fueled at each new spot we approached along the trail; and captured all of its beauty and essence surrounding us. 

There is truly nothing more exhilarating than pushing yourself through to the finish line of a difficult hike. The endorphin rush you feel afterwards is your body and mind’s way of patting you on the back and saying, “good job, you did it!”

“When everything feels like an uphill battle, just think of the view from the top.” ~ unknown 


Please continue to follow our #summerofrich adventures @ youareenough712.wordpress.com 


#summerishere #birthdayweekend #hiking #nature #adventures #waterfalls #beauty #ontarioisyourstodiscover #thebrucetrail #sidetrails #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #endorphins #feelinghothothot #friendship #betterwithfriends #youareenough #uphillbattles 

I just wanted to take a moment to say a gigantic and heartfelt thank you to everyone who sent messages, called or texted me yesterday for my birthday. I appreciate you all. Xoxo


I’m officially 52 now.


As I mentioned in a recent Blog, I’ve been having a really difficult time processing this birthday and it’s not even a big one.


Feeling so hopeless, frustrated and helpless by this point in my very tiresome journey have definitely been contributing factors.


But if you are someone who believes in the symbolism of numbers then I should be feeling pretty hopeful about the year ahead because according to Numerology (the study and meaning of numbers), the number 52 is a pretty darn powerful one.


We all know that there are 52 cards in a deck and 52 weeks in a year but did you also know that the number 52 carries with it, the “vibrations” of new beginnings, good luck (boy do I ever need some of that), good fortune, spiritual enlightment, adventure, inner guidance & intuition, harmony, balance and something new on the horizon.


It is said that when you combine the numbers 5 and 2 together it creates a whole new energy; an energy, that is, of positive change. 

Could someone be trying to tell me something? And if so, just know that I am listening. 


#Numerology #fiftytwo #five #two #itsmybirthdayandillcryifiwantto #happybirthdaytome #symbolism #imlistening #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #healthandwellbeing #physicalhealth #mentalhealth #balance #goodluck #positiveenergy #blogger #advocate #writer #author #youareenough #youarenotalone 

Today, being the Summer Solstice it is believed to hold the greatest energy, prosperity, vibrancy and strength within us and is also an important reminder to nurture ourselves, just as the sun nurtures us and to allow the light within us to spread hope and inspiration to someone else’s darkness.

I hope that no matter where you are in the world today that you were able to feel a ray of sunlight within you.

#happysummersolstice #summersolstice #summerisofficiallyhere #summertime #rayofsunlight #energy #prosperity #vibrancy #strength #hope #inspiration #longestdayoftheyear #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #youareenough #youmatter #youarenotalone #selfcare

And just like that Rachel is home, safe and sound after 7 magical weeks in Israel. 


During her time away, she strengthened bonds between old friends, created many new ones, reached outside her comfort zone, learned new life skills, gained more insight into her culture’s history and religious importance and most of all she made memories to last a lifetime.


And now, she’s got two whole days at home to catch up on some sleep, do her laundry and repack her belongings before leaving again Wednesday morning to camp, her other home, for the remainder of the summer. 


“Fill your life with experiences, not things. Have stories to tell, not stuff to show.” ~ unknown


#travel #experiences #mentalwellness  #everlastingmemories #Israel #Birthright #internship #camp #homeawayfromhome #fathersday #daddyslittlegirl #friendship #history #culture #ourjourney #homeawayfromhome