I am asked on a regular basis “How are you?” It is often very difficult to explain to someone how I am truly feeling without burdening them more than I already do, or continuously feeling insecure and embarrassed. People in general are asked the question “how are you?” on a daily basis as a common courtesy. Often times it is by an acquaintance or even a total stranger, likely a person you meet at the grocery store checkout or when stepping into an elevator, maybe it’s a colleague from work or quite likely a neighbour you encounter while out walking your dog. When asked this very simple question by a stranger or even an acquaintance the most common answers generally given are “I’m ok” or “I’m fine” (F.I.N.E. – Feelings I’m Not Expressing). They are fast and straightforward and avoid any further acknowledgement or judgement. But what if you’re not ok or you’re not fine, would you stand there and pour your heart out to these people, tell them you are depressed and suicidal? Most likely you would instead get the strength to smile and give them the response that they want to hear, and when it comes to family and friends it is really no different as their investment in you makes it that much more difficult to hear words that can hurt. I read somewhere that the average person tells 4 lies per day, 1460 per year, totaling 87,600 by the age of 60 and that “I’m Fine” is the most common lie of all. So what does that tell you?
It tells me that although there are millions of words in the English vocabulary, “less is more”, “simplicity” is appreciated over “complexity”, but sometimes it’s just not enough and that even if the truth hurts, the Stigma hurts more.
With that said, I decided to create my very own A to Z dictionary of words which may possibly describe “How someone is really feeling” or dealing with their feelings while living with Depression, Anxiety or any other Mental Illness. Hopefully this makes someone suffering alone not feel so alone!
My A To Z Through Depression
A: Anti-Social, Afraid, Abandoned, Achy, Anxious, Anti-Depressants, Alone
B: Broken, Brainless, Betrayed, Bitter
C: Counselling, Crying, Crisis, Coping, Catatonic, Confused, Crushed
D: Debilitating, Despair, Despondent, Dejected, Defeated
E: Excluded, Emotional, Exhausted, Empty, Embarrassed
F: Fragile, Fearful, Family/Friends, Forgetful
G: Grief, Gloomy, Grouchy
H: Healing, Hopeless, Helpless, Hurting
I: Insecure, Inability, Irritable, Isolated, Inadequate, Irrational
J: Judgement, Jealously, Jittery
K: Knowledgeable, Kindness, Kill
L: Labelled, Lacking, Lonely
M: Medicated, Mental, Misunderstood, Melancholy
N: Negativity, Needy, Nervous, Neurotic
O: Overwhelmed, Overcome, Offensive, Opposition, On the Edge
P: Pessimistic, Pained, Paranoid, Panicked, Psychiatric, Pathetic
Q: Questionable, Quiet, Quicksand, Quivering
R: Reality, Restless, Reckless, Rejected
S: Sadness, Scared, Suicidal, Stigma, Solitary, Struggling
T: Talk Therapy, Trapped, Treatment, Tearful, Terrified
U: Uncertain, Uncomfortable, Useless, Unfulfilled, Uneasy, Unpredictable, Unique, Unlovable
V: Validity, Vulnerability
W: Withdrawn, Worrying, Worthless, Weak
X: X-Ray, Xanax
Y: Yielding, Yearning
Z: Zombie, Zilch, Zip, Zero
YouAreEnough 