Today is #BellLetsTalkDay. I can’t believe it’s already in its 10th year. Bell’s main initiative each year is to raise awareness and combat the stigma surrounding mental illness. During #BellLetsTalkDay, Bell Media donates 5¢ (in Canada) for every text, call, tweet, social media video view and use of their Facebook frame or Snapchat filter.
Their campaign initiative this year is “when it comes to mental health every action counts” so please take a few minutes today and do your part to help raise awareness to end the stigma, be present for someone who needs it, start an important conversation, check on a loved one, be kind to yourself and don’t forget to text, call, tweet #BellLetsTalk, watch their social media video and view and use their Facebook frame or Snapchat filter.
**Over the last several years there has been a lot of controversy surrounding #BellLetsTalkDay as many people feel that it’s just an excuse for a big money hungry Corporation to use their initiative as nothing more than one giant advertising campaign. Well I say kudos to them for stepping up (it’s not like our Government is helping matters) because I’m more than happy to support a Corporation that is doing their part to raise awareness, educate others, start important conversations and create positive change all the while donating millions of dollars to research, development and organizations in need of funds to help support mental health. Start the conversation today and help make it a better tomorrow!https://letstalk.bell.ca/en/results-impact/#funds #BellLetsTalk #endthestigmatogether #youareenough #choosekindness #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #mentalillness #mentalhealth #everyactioncounts #wheredidmommyssmilego #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation #dontsufferinsilence Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.
Yesterday was a good reminder for all of us just how fragile life truly is and that we should never take it for granted. Yesterday was also a reminder that no-one on this earth is invincible and that tomorrow is never promised. Today as the world mourns the loss of Kobe Bryant, his beautiful daughter Gianna and their seven friends that perished alongside them we must remember that Kobe was so much more than a basketball hero; he was a son, a husband, a father, a humanitarian and a legend. One of his many mantras that he lived life by was “live today to inspire tomorrow” and boy did he ever live up to this in so many ways for so many people.
When I heard the news of Kobe’s passing through a text message from our son I was at, of all places, a Shiva for a friend’s father who had recently passed away at the ripe ‘ole age of 93. For those of you who may not know what a Shiva is, it is a week-long mourning period in the Jewish faith which begins immediately following the burial. A Shiva allows for a parent, a sibling, a spouse and/or a child of the deceased to accept visitors during this period of mourning to give their condolences and to provide comfort to the mourners.
As the news began to spread feverishly around the world many people looked to find their own ways to comfort one another and find meaning from this tragic loss of life. And in that very moment, as I was surrounded by a room full of mourners I found comfort and meaning in one of Kobe’s many life messages as I suddenly found myself face to face with a grievance from my past by someone who had wronged me many years ago and who just so happened to be standing two feet in front of me! In that moment I needed to make peace in my heart because after all, tomorrow may never come. I’ve held a lot of anger and resentment toward this individual for all these years but suddenly it felt so insignificant and unworthy.
Throughout the better part of my illness I have spent a lot of time examining and re-examining past relationships including this one and I know that in order for me to move forward I need to learn how to let go of the pieces of my past that affect my wellbeing the most because life is too short and so yesterday I took another step toward finding peace in my heart after our brief but purposeful encounter! #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #courage #kindness #lifestooshort #depression #anxiety #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #purpose #letitgo Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.
I don’t remember the last time all 5 of us (and Maggie) just hung out together all evening watching tv, laughing and enjoying each other’s company. We, like the rest of the world are a little sad tonight. Life can change in an instant. Hold your loved ones a little closer tonight. #grammys #ripkobe #ripgigi #youareenough #family #makingmemories #familymatters
So I’ve made it 12 days now without smoking a cigarette. The first week was pretty easy compared to the days that have followed. I thought it was supposed to get easier over time but clearly I was wrong. Maybe it’s because during that first week I was much less mobile still due to my concussion and once I started to feel better I began to miss it more?
That first day I quit smoking it wasn’t a rash decision, it was something I had been thinking about for quite awhile, well probably for years but that day I finally felt ready. I hadn’t discussed my decision with anyone, not even Rich because I didn’t want to disappoint him if I didn’t follow through with it but once I smoked that last cigarette in my pack and did not attempt to purchase a new pack I felt like the only way I was going to make it through day one was by holding myself accountable.
Holding yourself accountable for something is more than just taking responsibility for your actions but in the long run it’s more about being able to answer to those actions. That is why I didn’t just send Rich a quick text message that morning while he was at work letting him know the good news, I also took to Facebook, WordPress, Instagram and Twitter to let everyone else know too!
If I didn’t tell anyone my plan to quit smoking that day then I’d have had no accountability for my actions, I’d have had no one to disappoint if I didn’t follow through with my actions and I’d have had no real incentive for my actions. By telling you my plan to quit smoking that day has helped make the process and my progress much more meaningful knowing just how invested so many of you are in helping me achieve my goals successfully. I’m glad I have so many of you in my life to help motivate me and always keep me accountable. #accountability #youareenough #bekindtoyourself #depression #anxiety #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #youarenotalone #selfcare #ichooseme #concussion #quitsmoking #daytwelve
Now that my concussion symptoms have subsided what better way to work on improving some of my cognitive skills that have been severely lacking over the last few weeks than with a brand new puzzle!
Sold my first book across “The Pond” today! We may be complete strangers and seem worlds apart from one another but we have a bond that is bigger and stronger than any Mountain or Sea that separates us. Mental illness affects us all! Mental illness does not discriminate!
Every year on January 19 since I first posted this photo in 2015, along with a short message, it pops up as a memory on my Facebook wall. The first couple of years it would pop up I found it to be somewhat emotional for me to even look at and have to revisit the memory of a time I’d sooner forget, but now I know that this memory signifies much more than just about the first time I was discharged from a hospital stay where I had just spent over 3 months in psychiatric care. I know now that it is a piece of my journey and a special reminder of what living with a mental illness has taught me about life since then.
This photo reminds me that I need to keep living with my mental illness with authenticity because being honest with your loved ones or not worrying about feeling judged by others will help diminish your pain knowing just how many people are truly in your corner.
This photo reminds me what the meaning of real friendship is. Knowing there is always someone there for you ready to make you laugh or ready to wipe away your tears, without judgment.
This photo also reminds me that it’s okay to not be okay and that reaching out for help is more than okay when you need to. And that asking for help shows so much strength and courage.
This photo reminds me of the importance of kindness and how a kind action or a kind word can and will change the course of someone else’s day and a kind action or a kind word can and will impact the course of someone’s life as well.
I met a woman several years ago during one of my hospital stays. We became roommates and fast friends during our stay and although we may never have otherwise crossed paths in our lifetime (Fun fact: the home I grew up in from the time I moved to Toronto when I was 8 years old until my late teens was right next door to the home she sold just months before I moved in!) or had much in common at first, it turned out that our friendship ran so much deeper than our illness and we have continued to be a great support for one another ever since.
Last year my friend began feeling better and living her best life ever. She started traveling for months on end, dancing up a storm (some nights) until dawn and engaging in joyful activities with her precious, young grandchildren. She was finally free from the horrible effects of her depression. It was no longer defining who she was or how she lived her life and the best part was that for the first time in several years she actually wanted to live; not for her children, not for her grandchildren but actually for herself.
I think I felt a bit envious of her at first wondering when or if I too would ever feel the weight of my depression finally lift or if I would ever break free from it as well. I mean what had she done so differently to make it all just disappear as though it had never even happened? What was I still being punished for since we had tried so many of the same treatments and medications but nothing was helping me?
I don’t have any of these answers and neither will anyone else to be honest because everyone’s journey is unique to them and everyone responds to treatments and medications differently and everyone finds their own path toward healing in their own time. But here is another question that pains me to ask; can depression truly be cured?
I’m asking this question today because well that same dear friend of mine who just last year was traveling for months on end, dancing up a storm until dawn and engaging in joyful activities with her precious grandchildren is now back in the deep throes of her depression. What could have made her go from living her best life to now wondering if her life was even worth living?
Again I don’t actually have the answer but from the research I have read it seems likely that individuals with chronic depression (defined as episodes lasting two or more years) or with recurrent depressive episodes need to continue with maintenance treatment; not for months, not for years but for a lifetime.
One major problem is that when a person’s depression goes into remission they may feel a state of euphoria, as though they are ready to conquer the world on their own but what many of us may not realize is that like with any other chronic disease that goes into remission, depression needs to be treated with the same ongoing support and care.
Just a few short months ago if you were to have asked my friend if she could ever imagine her depression would rear its ugly head again she would have probably said to you “What? Are you crazy?” (Ok just a little depression humour) but instead she is now left trying to understand why this is happening to her and feeling like she has somehow failed.
I know that I would feel the same way. I mean my illness literally seemed to hit me out of left field when it began close to 6 years ago (I want to throw up just at the thought that it’s been almost 6 years or maybe the nausea I’m feeling is just from the effects of my concussion). But through therapy I have learned that my illness probably didn’t hit me out of left field at all and I have been learning how to manage it ever since knowing now how quickly it can hit you.
I have not yet felt the effects of being in remission but I do have a better understanding that if and when that day finally comes I will know that I can never let my guard down and that proper maintenance and continued love and support from others could help to ensure that whatever obstacles get in my way I will be ready for them and that I also have faith now that my friend will tackle this beast head on just like she had so bravely done before!
I saw a quote recently which has really stuck in my head ever since. It read: “The best weight you will ever lose is the weight of other people’s opinions.” I know that it’s difficult for most of us to not care what other people think or feel about us but I also know that it can take a toll on our mental health and wellness too. We as human beings instinctively want to be accepted and need to feel desired by others but by allowing their opinions to matter more than your own intuitions is essentially giving away all your power to become your true authentic self.
By always looking for the approval of others instead of trusting your own judgment will without a doubt lead you down a path in which you will one day wake up and find that you have become a shell of yourself because you were always trying to be a “People Pleaser” and had lost the power to be your true authentic self amidst the need to please others.
This week Prince Harry and his wife Meghan Markle sent an important message out into the universe (through Social Media of course). Ok so maybe they went about it in the wrong way according to the Royal Family and of course all the trashy Tabloid Magazines but I read their message through an entirely different lens; a Mental Health one that is.
Prince Harry has been very open about his struggles with Mental Illness and is a huge advocate and philanthropist for Mental Health. We have watched him grow up in the public eye and although he was born into Royalty, it has seemed as though for many years now (long before Meghan ever entered the picture) that Buckingham Palace may not have been the home he would have chosen for himself.
Maybe he had no choice but to obey the opinions of others for so long, knowing just how powerful his family was but now that Prince Harry (not sure how much longer we can call him that!) is married with his own child to love and protect he has recognized that the opinions of others have weighed him down far too long and he is ready to take his power back (well sadly he never had his own power) in order to discover his true authentic self.
I say kudos to him for bravely stepping away from the comfort he has known his entire life and being able to finally say “I Choose Me”, and whatever path this journey takes them from here on in, I know that it will be one of true authenticity and growth which are both key to good Mental Health and Wellness.
FYI: Baby Archie has spent the last week right here in Toronto with Meghan’s best friends Ben and Jessica Mulroney if anyone cares to get a sighting of the Royal baby!
So far I can’t really say that 2020 has started off exactly the way I had hoped for, but as you can probably guess by now, I wouldn’t have expected any less. I mean I have enough trouble feeling hope at the best of times and then add to it the unwritten rule that New Year’s is supposed to bring with it new beginnings may have actually been what threw both my body and mind into overdrive this week landing me with further bumps, bruises, aches, pains and a concussion to boot.
I mentioned a few days ago that I’d needed to take several steps back over the last few weeks of December in order to figure out ways I can try to help myself move forward into 2020 as I am completely overwhelmed by so much in my life which in turn was probably just setting myself up for failure and further hopelessness (See Blog: What Is Your Proudest Accomplishment of 2019; January 1, 2020). Ironically I also wrote that in order for me to regain those baby steps forward I must first learn how to crawl again before I can learn to walk or run and on the second day of 2020 I found myself desperately learning how to crawl.
It certainly wasn’t in the way for which I could have ever imagined it to be or what I meant when I said I needed to learn how to crawl before I can learn to walk or run, but it was ironically for my survival nonetheless. I found myself in a very scary and traumatic situation the other morning (See Blog: A Big Bang; January 2, 2020) where I kept fainting and had lost complete control of both my body and mind and all I wanted to do was crawl my way back upstairs to my “safe place” before I fainted for a fourth time. I eventually did make my way safely upstairs and “crawled” back into my bed, threw my weighted blanket over top of me; thankful to be in my “safe place”.
Ever since I purchased my weighted blanket a year ago (See Blog: My Weighted Blanket; January 25, 2019) I’d have to say that it has become my “safe place” to be. It brings me so much comfort and warmth (not in the “oh my God I’m gonna die from the heat” kind of way) but like the feeling you get from a warm and comforting hug. I can’t say that my blanket has brought me a better night’s sleep since I began using it but for some reason it helps me feel safe when it’s wrapped around me and the other morning after I was able to finally crawl my way back into bed it’s warmth and comfort allowed me to drift off to sleep for a full three hours straight which is nothing short of a miracle.
The trauma for which both my body and mind had just gone through I really didn’t think I needed to be anywhere other than in my “safe place” comforted by the warmth of my weighted blanket even if my doctor who I saw later that day and the doctor I saw the next day in emerg both told me I probably should have called 911 right away so that I could have been better assessed in the moment; but I guess hindsight is 20/20.
I have since taken the advice of the doctors who both told me that rest is my number one priority right now and so yesterday I spent the entire day and night curled up underneath my weighted blanket fighting off the aches and pains, the nausea, the dizziness and the feeling like someone is playing ping pong in my head. It was actually really, really warm and really, really comforting to spend time resting both my body and mind, something my illness never allows me to do and having a “safe place” to do so is such an added bonus.
YouAreEnough 
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