Just finished another meaningful presentation with a group of lovely childcare providers on the importance of self-care in both our personal and professional lives.

#selfcare #mentalhealth #wellbeing #itsokaynottobeokay #putyourselffirst #childcareprovider #wheredidmommyssmilego

Every day with you is a gift, and I feel so blessed to have you by my side. Your warm embraces, your strength, your sense of humor, and your endless amount of love and support for the kids and I (and Maggie) make everything brighter. Cheers to another year of #summerofrich adventures together. I wish you a year filled with love, laughter, and all the happiness you deserve. I love you to the moon and back, forever and a day

#sixtytwo #happybirthday #iloveyoutothemoonandback

Sleepless nights where I’m left alone with my thoughts are never a good thing. 


That inner dialogue can be downright cruel. 


And demeaning.


It’s a constant battle raging through my mind; filled with regrets, bad decisions, doubt, and thoughts of self-harm.


Nighttime is supposed to be quiet.


Peaceful. 


Why can’t that be the case for me?


I deserve peace.


I just want some peace and quiet.


Today, after a really difficult week and many sleepless nights, I did what I could to find some peace and to quiet the noise.


The only noise to be heard for miles was the sound of the fallen leaves rustling beneath my feet.

It was a welcomed calm.

#mentalhealth #summerofrich (fall edition) #nature #fall #fallenleaves #wellness #selfcare #hiking #peace #treatmentresistantdepression #anxiety #suicidalideations #itsoktonotbeok #youareworthy #youareenough

Although we don’t still use the term “nervous breakdown” anymore, it’s kinda where my state of mind is right now.

I’m dealing with such intense mental and physical stress in my life, and I am not able to cope with any of it.

I am beyond overwhelmed, thoughts are racing, and I feel like I have lost complete control.

How close does one have to get to the edge before falling off because I feel like I’m on the brink.

#nervousbreakdown #mentalhealth #physicalhealth #onthebrink #itsoktonotfeelok #racingthoughts

I was invited to take part in a research study for PGAD. The purpose of the study is to examine all aspects associated with mental and sexual health in individuals with PGAD. 


PGAD has become one of many (and the most) unrelenting symptoms consuming my daily life ever since participating in the Psilocybin clinical trial 2.5 years ago. The damage done to me neurologically has been both torturous and excruciating. 


For those of you who may not recall me opening up about (or are new to my page) this very rare, unbearable, incurable and embarrassing disorder, I will leave you a link here for more information;


https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Persistent_genital_arousal_disorder


I agreed to participate in this study, for one, there was NO risk involved in doing so and more importantly, I also did it with the hope of helping the research team (made up of psychologists, clinicians, PhD students, and gynecologists at the University of British Columbia and Queens) “understand factors that may potentially inform future psychological interventions for individuals coping with” this horrifying condition; a condition that up until now, has had very little research conducted and has affected my mental health tenfold. 


When I had my initial interview with the research coordinator approximately 6 weeks ago now to learn more about the study and what my involvement would be, she was so appreciative of my time and willingness to share my experiences on such a personal and sensitive topic. I told her I’m the one who is so appreciative of her and her team for taking the time to do this.


After my initial interview, I was sent an indepth and confidential questionnaire to complete regarding my symptoms and history with PGAD. Once completed, they sent me an Amazon gift card as a thank you! Next, I was asked to complete a daily diary that was sent to my inbox every afternoon over the course of a 21-day period, tracking and examining my daily mood and suicidal ideations. I completed this portion a couple of weeks ago and received another Amazon gift card for my time!


Late last week, after the research team tallied my results from my 21-day diary period, they sent me several graphs, each one telling a unique story and providing me with some further incite and interpretation of patterns from my symptoms and experiences over the 3 weeks in 4 different areas including the symptoms themselves, their interference in my daily activities and any trends in my emotions (both negative and positive) dependent on how bad my symptoms were on any given day.  


When I am experiencing a really bad flare up of symptoms, especially ones that feel like they go on, non stop for days at a time, I have tried myself to track whether there is any specific pattern or significance to it. The graphs and timelines they’ve given me certainly can be helpful moving forward. 

There will be 2 more follow-up tasks for me to complete in the coming weeks and months, each with another Amazon gift card as a thank you. Clinical research is imperative in helping with advancements in medical interventions and treatment. This can not be done without people like myself who volunteer to participate in them. My biggest regret in my life at this moment has to be the day I agreed to participate in the Psilocybin study 2.5 years ago as it has left me with permanent neurological damage and I swore I would never do it again. I have since turned down 3 other studies as I was not comfortable with the process and couldn’t take any more chances with my health. Can you really blame me? But I know how important these studies can be and I really want more than anything to help make a difference in some small way which was why, this opportunity felt like a necessary one due to the lack of research or available treatments there have been up to now and I was not asked to ingest anything, shave my head or give up too much of my time for it, and of course, who here doesn’t love the gift of Amazon as a token of someone’s time and appreciation. 


#pgad #clinicalstudy #amazongiftcard #appreciation #mentalhealth #wellness #vulnerabilty #research #dailydiary #results #Psilocybin 

It’s Thanksgiving today in Canada. 


I make it a priority in my daily life to practice gratitude and give thanks, which is a fundamental part of my healing journey, but I am really struggling to do so today. 


I know I shouldn’t, but I am. 


It’s not to erase the good parts of my weekend that just passed either which included celebrating my mother in law’s birthday and hosting our traditional Yom Kippur, “breaking of the fast” dinner with family, Saturday evening. 


Yom Kippur is considered to be the holiest day of the year in the Jewish faith. It’s a day where many Jews fast and while doing so are encouraged to focus their attention on introspection and atonement. It is also the time of year where we should look to the future and be grateful to be given the opportunity for a new beginning while at the same time be able to ask for forgiveness for our sins from the past year. It’s a perfect day for self-reflection. 


Somewhere along the way this past weekend though I lost all focus and by late Saturday night and deep into yesterday I found myself on an ever tightening spiral with no end, leaving me overwhelmingly triggered by every single one of my thoughts and feelings. 


Triggers are sensory reminders that can cause painful memories or certain symptoms to resurface. ~PsychCentral


Is there a limit to how much introspection is too much?  Did I somehow unleash a whole host of unintentional triggers by looking to deeply inward? Shouldn’t introspection contribute to better mental health, not worse? 


Well, I don’t actually have the answer to any of those questions, but what I do know is that no matter how hard I try to, I can’t stop my mind from racing,  ruminating and overthinking in a continuous loop of negative thought patterns since late Saturday night. I feel panicked and anxious, hopeless, unsafe at times, helpless, and paralyzed with fear while experiencing unrelenting and very intrusive thoughts and inescapable outbursts of anger and tears. 


Have I lost complete control? Can I no longer express gratitude? Am I not blessed? Or thankful? 


Yom Kippur is not just a time to reflect on the wrongdoings you may have caused others but is also a time to reflect on the wrongdoings you have done to yourself too by looking deep inside of your own mental and emotional state as well. Too often, the person we find we need to atone to or ask forgiveness from the most is the person staring right at us in the mirror. 


If you’re looking for me today, you may just find me staring down that person in the mirror, expressing gratitude, thanking her for her strength and courage and reminding her, just in case she has forgotten, just how truly blessed she is. 


#thanksgiving #canada #blessed #grateful #thankful #atonement #forgiveness #introspection #mentalhealth #wellness #practicemakesperfect 

Today is World Mental Health Day. It’s aim, every year on October 10th since it was first established in 1992 is to help “raise awareness in the global community about critical mental health agendas through collaboration with various partners to take action and create lasting change. Over the years, this day has gained momentum, becoming a platform for governments, organizations, and individuals to develop initiatives that focus on various aspects of mental health care.” ~ World Health Organization 

This year’s campaign focus is dedicated to advocating for mental health in the workplace by raising awareness and elevating the importance of supporting, protecting, nurturing, prioritizing and promoting good mental health in professional settings. Amen!

My job can be quite stressful most days, some of which I put on myself, especially since I am admittedly easily overwhelmed, love to take the weight of the world on my shoulders and I am a certified “people pleaser”. With this in mind it’s no wonder how going back to work full-time after an 8 year hiatus has put a huge strain on my mental health. I am so grateful though for several of the amazing ladies I work closely with who keep me grounded and I now call friends, but I can’t say that of everyone. 

I was planning on sharing something else today in regards to World Mental Health Day but given that this year’s theme is all about raising awareness and elevating the importance of supporting, protecting, nurturing, prioritizing and promoting good mental health in professional settings I just couldn’t because I’ve had a really shitty week due to so much stress surrounding my job, and then, by my own doing, I also recently accepted an opportunity to take on an even more hectic workload when my boss presented me with the opportunity a few weeks ago. 

I didn’t hesitate, not even for one second to say yes when she asked me as I only saw it as an opportunity to try and make more money. But it’s now come at the expense of my already fragile mindset.

Within hours of accepting the opportunity and prior to this new role having even started, the self-doubt and negative self-talk kicked into full gear.

I live with what psychologists term “Imposter Syndrome”. Imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern where individuals doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent fear of failure. Despite my boss having the confidence that my skills and competence could handle it. 

My “Imposter Syndrome” mindset is telling me otherwise though. I can’t allow myself to ever feel adequate or good enough. I can spin any one of my successes or accomplishments around in a millisecond with a negative thought, without even batting an eyelash which has lead me to even more feelings of anxiety, stress, and self-doubt over the past couple of weeks, and is impacting both my personal and professional life greatly. 

Sigh…

#worldmentalhealthday #mentalhealthintheworkplace #wellbeing #impostersyndrome #itsoktonotbeok #selfdoubt #worldhealhorganization #awareness #anxiety #overwhelm #stress #negativeselftalk

Yesterday…

Our annual apple picking tradition never gets old.

It just gets harder to fit into our hectic schedules the older everyone gets.

But somehow, we always make it work because the truth is, NO ONE is ever too busy to find the time for the things or the people most important to them.

#applepicking #annualtradition #falltime #anappleaday #mentalhealth #wellbeing #beingtobusyisamyth #friendswhoarefamily #spendingtimewithfriends #familytime #familymatters #lovedones @pinefarmorchard

Today, Rich, Hannah, and I joined our dear friends @ the CIBC Run For The Cure in support of friends, loved ones and, all men and women who have ever been impacted by breast cancer.

Today is also the start of Mental Illness Awareness Week (October 6 to October 12).

A gentle reminder that we need to make mental health a priority in our lives today and every day because “without our mental health there is no health.”

Don’t let anyone make you feel as though your illness defines you, whether mental or physical, because it doesn’t. It’s your strength and courage that will, and they both deserve the same amount of support and compassion always.

F@ck Cancer. F@ck Mental Illness.

#runforthecure #cibc #walkingforacure #friendship #fuckcancer #crushcancer #breastcancer  #mentalillnessawarenessweek #mentalhealth #physicalhealth #canadiancancersociety #worldhealhorganization  @cibcrunforthecure @worldhealthorganization

Today, being the last day of September is also the last day of “National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month” which is a month long campaign used to raise awareness on this still very stigmatized and taboo topic. 

Although it may only be a month long campaign, it doesn’t mean that it ends today. The conversation needs to continue each and every day. 

We MUST continue to keep the conversation going. 

We MUST continue to give hope to everyone affected by Suicide. 

We MUST continue to educate others.

We MUST ensure that ALL individuals, families, and friends have the same accessibility to the necessary resources available to give us all a better understanding of how to prevent suicide and seek help.

We MUST continue to build connections, reaching out to our loved ones, both vulnerable and strong. 

And we MUST continue to band together with the truest of intentions and from the heart, to support anyone and everyone who wake up each and every day battling very intrusive and very real thoughts of suicide with kindness and compassion, always.

Promise me.

You are not alone.



*Suicide Prevention Helpline* 1.833.456.4566

9-8-8 

#youarenotalone #nationalsuicidepreventionawarenessmonth #suicideprevention #suicideawareness #asilentkiller #keeptheconversationgoing #yourmentalhealthmatters #tothosewhoareleftbehind #startaconversation #itsoktonotbeok #mentalillness #mentalhealth #promiseme #endthestigmatogether