Wife, mom of 3 beautiful children, dog lover, creative sole and children's book Author. Sharing my journey with depression and anxiety through blogging in hopes of educating and ending the stigma.
“If you wanna go fast, go alone, but if you wanna go far, go together.” ❤️ Celine Dion
As Rich drove home yesterday afternoon, bopping to Frank Sinatra tunes on his playlist, I took that opportunity to write down some of my thoughts and reflect upon the last 4 days on our 30th Anniversary #summerofrich adventure.
In doing so, I started to get very emotional – and anxious.
No big surprise.
This past week, Rich and I set out on an unforgettable journey we’d been dreaming about for 5 years now.
In four days, we hiked ten different trails along the Bruce Peninsula, one of them being the starting point of the 900 km Bruce Trail. Pretty cool. In all the years we’ve been exploring the Bruce Trail, this was our first time venturing to the Bruce Peninsula area. Unfortunately, we’ve never kept a running tally of how many kilometers we’ve actually completed over the last 7 or 8 years, but we are pretty certain we aren’t anywhere near the halfway point yet.
Along our travels this week, we met so many amazing people from all over the world (including from 2 cruise ships docked there for one day). Who would ever imagine that a community located at the northern tip of the Bruce Peninsula in Ontario, with a permanent population of under 100 residents year round could be such a popular tourist destination, but it is. During the peak tourist season from mid-June to the end of September, Tobermory is buzzing with non-stop tourism and seasonal residents, which the community thrives on. We learned from speaking with many of the locals, that those few months of the year is enough to sustain their livelihood so that somewhere between early October to early May (some later), the only 2 places you will find open are the LCBO (liquor store) and the local grocery store. That’s it! Not even a restaurant! Most residents leave the area for warmer climates and travel, and many others are students just there for the summer to earn their college or university tuition in tips!. As unfathomable as it sounds, it’s very intriguing, nonetheless!!
From the moment we left home Tuesday morning, we hit the ground running (well, hiking is more like it!). Our hearts were filled with excitement, and our car was packed with all the essentials, including simple meals and snacks to eat on the go, and lots of bug spray (which surprisingly we rarely needed!). We were energized and raring to go. Our jam-packed itinerary was well-researched, very detailed, and methodically thought out.
Our first 2 hikes on day 1 were just outside of Tobermory. First stop, Grieg’s Caves, which is a beautiful, well-maintained, privately owned trail. We had to sign a waiver before entering (that was definitely a first). It wasn’t a very long trail, which was a great way to ease into the week ahead. As we walked the wood chipped trail to the magical, massive caves, the scenic views made us feel like we were Dorothy following the Yellow Brick Road to see the great and powerful Oz, or in our case, the great and powerful geological phenomenons.
After we completed the hike, still in the same area, we headed to Lion’s Head Provincial Nature Reserve. If we were only to have had time to visit 3 trails during our trip, Lion’s Head would have been on that list for sure. The stunning views of Georgian Bay, the turquoise waters, and white limestone cliffs were breathtaking. We took lots of photos along the way and sat for a while to be present in the moment together. It was a longer trail, longer than all the other trails, but nothing we hadn’t done before. It’s estimated time on our All Trails app said it should take about 3 hours to complete. We took our time, but just around the 3 hour mark, I hurt myself. I don’t know how or what happened, to be honest. All I knew was that all of a sudden, I felt like I was paralyzed from the waist down. I could no longer stand up straight, and the pain in my upper thighs and lower back was excruciating. I literally started walking bent over to my right side, squeezing my waist and hips as tightly as I could to try and hold myself up. I needed to stop every 10 feet, rest my head between my legs, and take several, deep intentional breaths, just so I could make it another 10 feet. I was panicked, scared, in tears, and needing to throw up several times. I begged Rich to leave me there to die before our parking reservation expired! I just kept praying that a bear would come find me and eat me for supper as there was no other way out (there were signs all throughout the Bruce Peninsula warning of active bears, and rattlesnakes in the area).
No bear found me, and I did eventually make it back to the car TWO hours later. The trail felt like it would never end. I have been in excruciating and indescribable pain ever since, but the feeling of paralysis thankfully went away shortly after I got in the car and somehow I kept pushing through cuz I still had lots more adventures ahead. Although very scared it could happen again.
We headed straight to our accommodations next, which was still a half-hour drive from where we were. It was a perfect little one bedroom, newly renovated cabin attached to an Inn right on the main highway, in Tobermory. By now, it was getting late, well late for Tobermory standards since this time of year everything closes between 5 and 8pm. After we had a quick bite, we went to the on-site hot tub to try and relax our achy muscles. Something we continued to do every day after our hikes.
Day 2 started with a morning tour and history lesson aboard a glass bottom ferry to Flowerpot island. This was the second of my top three trails I couldn’t wait to see. Flowerpot Island is famous for its 2 rock pillars, lighthouse museums, and shipwrecks. It did not disappoint.
Once back from the island, we walked around the main strip for a bit to look at some of the local shops, got a scoop of ice cream, and then headed to our next trail. A bit more of a hidden gem. We saw several classes there on field trips (as was the case on quite a few of the trails). So much incredible history surrounding the formation of the Bruce Peninsula, dating back millions of years. We were all ears, wanting to learn as much as we could about its magnificence.
Afterward, we picked up subs, headed back to our cabin, and made a beeline right for the hot tub again. It started to cloud over, and they were calling for rain later that evening, but we still had one more hike on our agenda, which was to include a sunset trail at Singing Sands. We didn’t end up doing most of the trail and given the cloudy sky, we didnt get to see a beautiful sunset either, but we strolled peacefully along the boardwalk and walked the sand dunes which was still pretty cool.
By day 3, I was still in terrible pain and Rich’s already fragile knees were feeling the miles but we were excited for what we had planned for the day ahead, especially hike number 2, which happened to be my number one trail I was looking forward to the most. But first stop was on a trail called Halfway Log Dump. Pretty romantic sounding, am I right?
Well, I was wrong because parts of the trail leading to the rocky beach on a clear, warm summer day, I could envision how romantic it was as the gentle waves made it one of the most tranquil moments of the trip. We did, however decide to take a detour for part of the trail due to the heavy rainfall overnight and when we came to a section of extremely steep rocks that were slippery and wet it not worth either one of us sustaining further injuries. It was okay, though, as it left more time for us to explore our next trail, The Grotto.
What a stunning gem it was. Everything I hoped it would be and more. Rugged, yet peaceful as we climbed rocks and maneuvered our way through a maze of large boulders. It’s definitely the most challenging trail we’ve ever attempted, but my favourite of all time, even if I panicked once we got to the top of the escarpment as I am terrified of heights. I could not imagine attempting this trail during peak season with 100’s of daily visitors.
Once back on solid ground we took a short break, refueled in our car with some food that we’d brought with us and then made our way to the next trail which happened to be attached to the same parking lot as the Grotto.
Cyprus Lake. A beautiful lakeside trail looped around a quiet forest. As beautiful, calm, and scenic as it was, we only walked halfway and decided to turn around as we were beat. Before heading back to our cabin, though, we took a detour into town to visit a couple of shops we hadn’t been into yet and then grabbed a drink. Rich had a coffee, and I got a tea. We joined another couple of tourists sitting on a bench overlooking the Harbour and chatted with them for some time. They were lovely, and we probably could’ve chatted for hours more, but the hot tub was calling our name.
After we cleaned up from the day, we went to the local pub for our last dinner in Tobermory. The food was delicious!
Then, our final day had arrived. It felt bittersweet. We packed up early morning and said goodbye to Tobermory. We still had 2 more trails left on our itinerary heading towards home in another small town called Wiarton, home to our famous groundhog, Wiarton Willie. First stop, Devil’s Monument. It included some more stunning views, lots of varied terrain, and is home to another flowerpot formation, this one, double in size to the one on Flowerpot Island. From there, we headed to our last destination, Bruce’s Caves. Our final reminder of just how special this corner of Ontario truly is.
We weren’t ready quite yet for it to all be over so we took our time and explored the small but surprisingly bustling town of Wiarton, visiting the statue and Monument set up in the local park of Wiarton Willie and learned the history behind him and the week-long festivities that take place around Groundhog Day each February. We also walked the main strip for a bit. I love small town shops! The last stop before hitting the highway for home was Tim Horton’s. Can’t get more Ontario than that! Fun fact: Tobermory does not allow for any fast food chains in order to preserve its unique character and support its local businesses. I couldn’t agree more, but boy had we missed our Timmies!!!
In four days, we covered some of the hardest trails. The trails along the Bruce Peninsula are way more challenging than any we’d ever experienced before due to its rich history of 400 million year old glaciers and evolution, which has left the ground way more unstable and rockier to walk on.
But we did it!! We hiked ten different trails, each one offering its own version of breathtaking beauty, calm, and challenges. We laughed together, we moaned in agony together, we awed at the beautiful views together, and we walked every step of the way together.
The Bruce Peninsula gave us more than just a hiking experience — it gave us perspective, connection, and a fresh appreciation for the simple joy of being in nature together.
Today is the last day of Mental Health Awareness Month. I’ve spent so much of my last year in survival mode, and so much of the last month focused on healing while also trying to navigate my way through the start of my wonderful new job. But these past four days in nature, I kept pushing my limits, both physically and mentally, proving my resilience. I kept reminding myself that I can do the hard stuff and that even when my mind feels heavy, my strength runs deeper. I was unstoppable this week, but I know I couldn’t have done it without my “Rock”, the man who still considers me his favourite view at the end of every trail, even after 30 years of marriage, and the one and only person I wish to hike through life with, forever and a day.
We’re kicking off our #summerofrich, “Special Edition”, 30th Anniversary getaway with an early morning start – not to miss out on a single minute over the next four days!
Fun fact I learned earlier this week: green is the traditional colour associated with a 30th wedding anniversary. Honestly, this couldn’t be a more fitting tribute to US.
Green symbolizes nature, and nature, as many of you know, has become one of the most therapeutic and healing components of our journey together. Also, green stands for growth, resilience, longevity, renewal, balance, harmony, and prosperity – all of which have helped define our relationship over the past three decades.
This week will be an intentional blend of all things green as we move from one trail to the next -10 of them in total.
Each one is a celebration of what our journey has meant to us.
Soaking up every mindful moment, rain or shine.
Every step is a love letter to our shared experiences and the life we’ve built together over 30 years.
Love seeing these memories pop up on my Facebook page every year. It’s been 5 years since I created my graduation lawn sign initiative, which helped brighten up the lives of so many young people suffering during such uncertain times and also raise awareness and funds for youth mental health.
These memories are a gentle reminder of how far we’ve come and how much more work there is still left to do.
They also serve as a personal reflection and motivation to keep moving forward. I will always be grateful for the opportunities I was given to share my story, connect with a broader community, and help end the stigma.
You may not always believe it, but your voice does matter. Let’s continue to keep the conversation going.
Today marks 30 years of marriage with the man I chose to walk life’s path with.
In those 30 years, we’ve hiked some pretty rough terrain, crossed many choppy rivers, and braved more than our fair share of storms together; especially over the past decade.
Through it all, you’ve continued to move mountains for me. You’ve been my compass, my rock, my shelter – my safe place to land whenever I lose my footing.
You’ve continued to love me through every version of myself, even on the days I forget how to love myself.
Hand in hand, you’ve walked beside me through joy and struggle, through peaks and valleys, in the silence of the woods, atop the most magical summits, and along every unforgettable, breathtaking view.
You’ve made the toughest climbs a little gentler and the hardest trails worth exploring.
Thank you for choosing me every step of the way.
There’s no one else I’d rather hike through life with than you, and no matter where the path leads us next, I’m so grateful it’s with you.
Happy 30th Anniversary, Rich
My forever and a day – the one who still makes me laugh and reminds me every single day that I am enough.
Can’t wait for our trip to Tobermory next week to celebrate us!!
(I even created these silly t-shirts just for the occasion 😛)
“You don’t marry someone you can live with. You marry the one you can’t live without.”~unknown
I’m having a much harder time finding ways to move on from my toxic workplace. More than I ever imagined. It’s left deep emotional wounds, and the lingering trauma is overwhelming me.
Healing from trauma is never linear and often messy.
Although some may think that I should “just move on,” it is much easier said than done.
My experiences and lingering trauma from a place where I spent so much of my time under constant stress and being mistreated has left my sense of self-worth and identity in the toilet.
Someone who has never gone through an experience such as I have often can’t understand that trauma doesn’t follow a timeline, and it is unfair to believe otherwise. There are those who have sat in my shoes before but are not comfortable dealing with unresolved pain, whether it’s their own or not. And that’s okay too.
Yes, I am beyond grateful to have found a better job where everyone is so welcoming, but it can’t erase the emotional damage or the way one’s nervous system still responds to past harm. One doesn’t cancel out the other.
Better doesn’t mean healed.
It’s not like there is a switch I can flip on and off overnight.
I know I don’t owe anyone an explanation. I just owe myself time.
I’m still trying to make sense of what happened. Being mistreated and chronically stressed out by my former employer for so long has deeply impacted my self-esteem and sense of trust.
I may not be able to release the pressure to “move on” yet, but I’m doing my best to move through it.
I am healing at my own pace, and that is enough for now.
My kids don’t have a perfect Mom, no matter how hard I try.
And I do try.
They just have me.
Their loudest cheerleader.
Their strongest advocate.
Their biggest ally.
Kids don’t need a perfect Mom, though.
They just need a real one.
Yet knowing this, I’m still left burdened by the guilt that I’ve let them down.
But they are thriving.
Resilient.
Decent humans.
Funny, too.
Who continually get back up after they fall.
Love isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing up again and again.
And they do.
I do, too. Even on the hard days.
I guess it must be true. Kids don’t need a perfect Mom because despite all my flaws, I must have done something right.
It’s been a busy Mother’s Day so far, and it’s not done yet. It’s included a visit with my brother to see my mom this morning, an obligatory, once a year hike with the kids (missing Rachel who is away at the moment) and dinner with my mother in law. Thank you, Rich, for the beautiful flowers and to my kiddies for the awesome belt bag that will be the perfect edition to all our future #summerofrich hiking adventures. What will make today complete will be celebrating a “W” from the Leafs tonight!
“The stories we tell ourselves are powerful, so be careful what story you’re telling yourself” ~ Kristina Kuzmic
Happy Mother’s Day to all the perfectly imperfect Mamas’ 💗 and a special shout out to all the beautiful, loving, selfless, exhausted, courageous, badass, inspiring, hardworking, resilient, caring, kindhearted, humble, broken, capable, confident, bold, fabulous Mamas today and every day . You are amazing.
I did it! My first week at my new job is officially in the books and although there is still a lot of learning ahead, at least I now have a newfound appreciation and a renewed sense of optimism for what a healthy, respectful and supportive work culture feels like.
As part of any healing journey, it is important to acknowledge our past experiences in order to help one move forward. For me, choosing to leave a toxic situation over the prolonged mistreatment of its employees was not just a courageous decision but a very powerful one in its own right. I know, in time, and with lots of continued therapy, I will learn new ways to let go of my pain and trauma and hopefully regain my sense of self-worth.
For now, though, finding some closure has felt like a necessary first step toward reclaiming my peace as I begin to heal. Today, I started that process in the best way I knew how. Through writing.
Writing is a very therapeutic tool for me when it comes to my mental health and well-being so over the last few days as I began to reflect upon my time at my previous workplace, I started to pen a very emotional email to my ex-supervisor and her superior (the co-owner of this 40 year old organization, and the real puppetmaster behind all the toxicity). In it, I recounted many anecdotes and expressed my deep hurt. I sent them the email today with the hope that they would take my feedback seriously and consider the impact their leadership styles have on their team moving forward because whether or not they want to admit it, it matters more than they realize.
Writing it and not holding back felt incredibly cathartic. Whether they choose to respond to me or not, I really don’t care. I did this for me. It was about validating my experience and reclaiming my voice after being stuck in such a dark and vulnerable place that literally tried to silence me by making me feel like s*icide was my only way out.
I know it takes great strength to speak up, not just for yourself, but for others who’ve been hurt and silenced too. Turning my pain into advocacy and not just walking away is my way of trying to protect those I care deeply for who are still enduring it. If my email disrupts the pattern of abuse still taking place since I left, even just a little, it will have been worth it. My hope is that my truth is creating a space where others can feel seen and understood. I’ve planted the seed for change, and it feels damn empowering.
Feeling worthy, appreciated, and valued at my new job shouldn’t be the exception. It should be the norm. Something every workplace should provide their employees.
Sending this email today is helping me to open up space for healing my body and mind and bring with it a sense of balance and personal growth and development moving forward. It’s a beautiful feeling to have found a place where you’re seen for who you are and what you bring. That’s the kind of environment that doesn’t just help you heal. It allows you to thrive, too. It’s something we all deserve.
Oh man, was I ever exhausted last night after my first day at my new job yesterday. I hadn’t felt this deep an exhaustion sifting through my veins in a very long time. I could barely keep my eyes open from the moment I arrived home.
Stepping out of a toxic work space into a healthier, more positive environment was no easy feat. I’ve been in survival mode for far too long now, and my body and mind have been in complete chaos due to the toxicity, but then something happened yesterday after I arrived home from work. For the first time in forever, I was able to take in a breath of fresh air and release the emotional burden I’d been carrying.
I actually left work, at work for the first time in forever. It’s making a lot of sense to me now that my body and mind were responding with extreme fatigue because they’d been in such chaos for so long.
I never realized before yesterday just how draining the feeling of relief could be, but I’m giving myself the grace I know I deserve, to let go in order to rest my body and mind and start to try and rebuild. It’s all part of my healing process, a process I’ve definitely more than earned.
I’m off to start my first day of work at my new job.
New beginnings.
I’m beyond grateful and excited for this opportunity of a fresh start, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit how super anxious and scared I am feeling right now as well.
I know, I know, these feelings I’m having are absolutely normal.
I also know that I put a lot of undue pressure on myself in all aspects of my life.
Change can be scary.
I set unrealistic expectations upon myself, I have a fear of failure, I often doubt my self-worth, and I always worry about disappointing others.
This, in the world of psychology is better known as “Imposter Syndrome” and “will often show up when you’re stepping into growth”, not because you’re not qualified for the job, but because you simply care deeply and want to do well.
I know in my heart that my new employer chose to hire me for a reason. They saw something in me that stood out to them. I also understand that there will be a learning curve and that mistakes are to be expected.
Failure is all part of success. It’s how you learn and grow from it that truly matters.
Affirmations I will take with me today:
“I was chosen for this role for a reason. I don’t need to know everything right away. I bring value, I am capable, and I’m here to grow.” ~ unknown
“What if I fall?” Oh, but darling, what if you fly?”~ Winnie the Pooh
***Update: Thank you so much for the incredible messages of support I received today. They were beyond appreciated. Day 1 is now in the books. How did it go, you ask? Stepping out of a toxic work space into a healthier, more positive environment is no easy feat. I can’t tell you the last time I was able to take in a breath of fresh air after work. It felt truly empowering.
YouAreEnough 
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