Somewhere

Yup, just like that, I’m back at work today after my 10 day staycation. 


Although I had some really difficult days during my time off, I was also able to find many moments of joy as well, especially while spending time with family and friends, which I was lucky to do lots of. 


I’ve never been much of a traveler.


I have an overwhelming fear of flying.


I stress over planning the journey itself, and I always need to ensure I have an agenda to go with it. 


I get anxious visiting new or unfamiliar places. I’m a chronic worrier and overthinker, so I don’t really do well in the not knowing. I need time to prepare and time to process everything.


I’m more than okay, though, seeing all the highlight reels on social media of other people’s vacations to sunny destinations. I am genuinely happy to hear all about my friends and loved one’s exciting adventures to far away places. 


But it’s not to say that if the opportunity arose where I could get away somewhere, I wouldn’t take advantage of it. I am very accustomed to doing hard stuff by now, and somehow I pull through it, a little more beaten or battered maybe, but nonetheless, I get through. 


I’ve actually been dreaming for quite some time now about taking a vacation… Alone. Somewhere. In order to get out of my own head. 


Perhaps to a deserted island or a wellness retreat somewhere in the fresh mountain air. Somewhere, I don’t need to worry I will disappoint others or feel the urge to people please. Somewhere, I can disconnect from my everyday stressors and not feel pressured to be someone I’m not.


As I try, with great resistance, to settle back into my regular daily routine today, I am finding myself daydreaming of that somewhere and getting lost in the moment. It’s a way more pleasant place to be than caught up in the stress of playing catch up on everything I’ve missed while taking my much needed break from work last week. My anxious mind doesn’t seem to want to focus on the task at hand this morning, but as I sit here, at my desk, daydreaming about that deserted island and wellness retreat in the fresh mountain air, I am allowing the soothing sounds of water flowing from my new meditative rock garden to keep me calm. It is taking my imagination somewhere else. A friend of mine at work gifted it to me just before the holidays. When she saw it, she told me that she thought of me right away. It’s just enough for me to carry on. 


And just like that, year two has officially begun.


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