Broken Necklace

My kids had this necklace specially made for me for my 50th birthday (see pics) which was in June of 2021. One side of the bar says “You Are Enough” which most of you know by now has become my signature and is even tattooed on my right arm (in my actual signature) as a daily reminder to myself. The other side of the bar reads, Love, J, H & R. 

This has also become one of my most cherished gifts I’ve ever received in my whole life. It was filled with so much love and meaning. 

I never take it off, except to clean it but last Monday afternoon when I returned home from the hospital and was getting ready to take a shower, the chain literally snapped right off my neck. 

It was now broken, just like me. And in that very moment as the tears began to flow again, I felt a sudden surge of panic charge though my veins; and in my most vulnerable of states I asked myself; had I just broke my children too? Had the events of that weekend just caused irreparable damage for my family?

My biggest fears were suddenly coming true in my mind.

There is so much guilt that comes along with feeling so broken while at the same time trying my best to instill values in these 3 humans to love themselves, to know their worth, to feel confident in their own skin and to be kind to others.

It’s really hard to help your kids figure life out sometimes when you can’t even be there for yourself and even the slightest thought that I have failed my kids in any way fills me with so much pain and heartache. 

I feel like I have fallen short of being a mom; a good mom…time and time again and no matter how many times I apologize to them for my shortcomings, the pain and heartache never seem to go away.

But they see me fight, and keep fighting every day of my life to get better, not just for me, but for them too. And that in itself should be enough right now because that in itself has taught my kids so many powerful lessons for which I am grateful. 

Through my brokenness my kids have learned that life isn’t always fair or easy, that siblings should look out for one another, always, that being honest with others and most importantly, with ourselves is so valuable and that it’s okay to get angry or be sad sometimes because all of our mixed up crazy emotions matter.

I’ve taught them that we all have weaknesses, but it’s how we choose to use those weaknesses and find the strength to turn them into something positive that counts and that by serving others is where we will often find the most joy in our lives. 

Today Rich had my necklace fixed. It’s no longer broken. A piece of me had felt like it was missing not having it around my neck. Hopefully now we can all begin to heal together. 

#broken #brokennecklace #healingtogether #mentalhealth #sicknotweak #itsoktofeelyourfeelings #youarenotalone #youareenough #cherishedgifts #values #kindnessmatters #fightingformylife 

Author: Kim Fluxgold

Wife, mom of 3 beautiful children, dog lover, creative sole and children's book Author. Sharing my journey with depression and anxiety through blogging in hopes of educating and ending the stigma.

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