Another Dead End

I had a Zoom call yesterday morning with the Assistant to a Specialist my Psychiatrist referred me to 8 long months ago. After our brief conversation she said she needed to relay her notes back to the Doctor to see if he would be able to help me. She was honest right from the get-go and told me she had her doubts. My lengthy list of neurological issues have basically stumped every one I’ve encountered thus far, most of whom choose to pass the buck; many without even meeting me in person first. My favorite one so far has to be a phone call I had back in July with a Neurologist who told me “a circuit broke in my brain the day of my treatment and hopefully it will fix itself one day.” 

*Newsflash, it’s going on 9 months next week and if anything it’s actually been getting worse as each new layer of stress is added to my life.

The Assistant called me back later in the day like she said she would to let me know her hunch was right and that I should think about exploring other avenues but that the doctor would be willing to examine me in person if I’d like (insert sigh here). 

I’ve been exploring every possible avenue for like forever and a day now. I’ve continued to fight back against both my mental and physical health time and time again so that I don’t feel like I’m merely surviving but each time I just keep getting hit with another roadblock and have to start from scratch.

I’m exhausted. I’m starting to feel as though I’m a lost cause and that nothing or nobody can “fix me”. I honestly just want to give up. I don’t know if I have the strength to fight anymore, maybe merely surviving is all I have left in me.

Sorry, it’s just been one of those days.

#deadend #merelysurviving #nomorefight #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #depression #anxiety #pgad #brainzaps #neurologicaldamage #igiveup #passthebuck 

Author: Kim Fluxgold

Wife, mom of 3 beautiful children, dog lover, creative sole and children's book Author. Sharing my journey with depression and anxiety through blogging in hopes of educating and ending the stigma.

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