Everything is “Fine”

*mention of suicide*

Eventually you close your eyes and fall asleep after tossing and turning for hours. The voices in your head don’t give you much time to rest and before you know it, the sun has risen and morning has come. 

You open your eyes. 

But you wish you hadn’t. I wish I hadn’t too.

Every 40 seconds someone takes their own life. That’s close to 800,000 people worldwide every single year. In many instances a suicidal person may hide behind their “mask”, fake a smile or tell you everything is “fine” even though it isn’t. 

Too many of us feel as though we have to pretend to be the person they think others want or expect us to be so we put on our mask, fake a smile and tell the world everything is fine even though it’s not. We fear we will be judged by our friends or we don’t want to feel like a burden to our loved ones or look weak to society. 

A mask, a fake smile or a simple word can hide a magnitude of pain and sadness but it doesn’t have to be that way. I promise you, you are not alone. I know it’s scary but it’s okay to admit that life is really fucking hard. 

The last few months have been excruciatingly difficult for me and as I’ve mentioned before I’ve been consumed by thoughts of suicide. I am so beyond blessed though for all the incredible support I have at every turn and I am especially grateful to those who have rallied around both me and my family in recent weeks. I am not afraid to admit that life is really, really hard right now and as Glennon Doyle (bestselling author and activist) will attest to after recovering from an almost 20 year battle with addiction and bulimia, that not only is it okay to admit when life feels really hard but that it’s also okay to say, “actually today I’m not fine”. Afterall, we are all just human beings and we shouldn’t have to run from our feelings or be afraid of them. 

When we admit those words aloud, when we are in the most pain or darkest moments, you may be pleasantly surprised to find out just how many people will show up. 

The world is a messy place, but I’ve learned I don’t have to attempt it alone, and you my friend, neither should you.

Keep checking up on your friends and loved ones, even the strong and happy ones. 

#suicideawarenessmonth #checkonyourstrongfriends #suicideprevention #mentalillness #mentalwellness #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #lifeishard #lifecanbemessy #imnotfine #itsoktoaskforhelp #youareenough

Author: Kim Fluxgold

Wife, mom of 3 beautiful children, dog lover, creative sole and children's book Author. Sharing my journey with depression and anxiety through blogging in hopes of educating and ending the stigma.

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