*Sensitive Content; Trigger Warning*
“I don’t know how much value I have in this universe, but I do know that I’ve made a few people happier than they would have been without me, and as long as I know that, I’m as rich as I ever need to be.” ~ Robin Williams, aka Mork from Ork, 1978.
Today marks the 8th year anniversary since Robin Williams tragically took his life. I was just 4 months into my own mental health journey the day he died. Moments before I had read the news of his passing on my phone I’d been sitting in my car, all alone in a parking lot, my family and friends not knowing my whereabouts (once again), contemplating my own suicide (which I’ve shared openly about many times before in my blogs, youareenough712.wordpress.com). It wasn’t the first time in that 4 month period, nor has it been close to the last where I have thought about or acted upon my thoughts of suicide, but it was suddenly the first time I began to truly understand the depths of my illness.
As the news quickly spread of Robin’s death, friends and family began lighting up my phone, concerned for my safety. Easiest solution, I just shut it off. By now I was visibly shaken, alone and scared and my only thought I had right after the initial shock was “if someone of Robin Williams’ stature who seemingly had it all could take his own life then what the heck am I waiting for?”
I’ve been in a very vulnerable state lately. Personally, life is really fucking hard right now and with each passing day it’s getting even harder to find anything positive to focus on. I honestly feel (or maybe it’s just wishful thinking) like I’m living on an entirely different planet these days, much like Mork, where no one speaks my language, feeling completely detached from the real world.
I’m holding on tightly to the quote I posted above to honour Robin’s memory today and to honour me. I may be holding on by a very thin thread right now but none the less I’m holding on.
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