The Pathway To Purpose

Five years ago today on January 28, 2017 I posted my very first Blog to Facebook (I don’t think I had an Instagram account quite yet and I did not create my actual Blog website: youareenough712.wordpress.com until late summer that same year. In this first blog post I expressed some very personal details and asked myself an endless stream of difficult questions; many of which have still been left unanswered to this day and to be perfectly honest, probably never will be. I titled the Blog post “The New Norm”. 

I decided after re-reading through it several times last night that I didn’t feel the need nor desire to reshare it with you again today because I realized just how much of my journey has shifted and evolved since then and that so much of what I wrote at the time feels irrelevant as to who I am in present day. It’s been a very bumpy ride but thanks to the many, many hours and patience of my wonderful therapist over the past several years I’ve discovered parts of ME I never even knew existed before which has also afforded me an opportunity to find some critical answers to a few of those burning questions I asked myself in “The New Norm”.

But I would once again like to reshare with you another blog I wrote a few years ago on January 28, 2019 on the 7th Anniversary of Jacob and Hannah’s B’nai Mitzvah which took place on January 28, 2012. I can’t believe it’s been ten years already since one of the greatest nights of my life, my husband’s life and my children’s lives took place. (Check it out here for all the details: https://youareenough712.wordpress.com/2019/01/28/misty-water-coloured-memories/)

I was so happy that night ten years ago, trust me when I tell you, I was legit happy, living in the moment and beaming with pride. I’d spent countless months and hours leading up to that night planning and creating every last detail for our beautiful and super fun Simcha. Never once throughout the evening did I have to pretend I was okay, not for even one second did I truly believe in my heart that I was anything but fine because I was fine, except now, as I look back on those incredible memories I find myself feeling sad and vulnerable sometimes when I look at that person in those pictures because to be perfectly honest again, she no longer exists. She is gone. I don’t even recognize her beauty and confidence or her zest for life. A new version of ME stepped into her role of mom, wife, sister, daughter and friend just two short years later.

One of the many questions I ask myself in that first Blog “The New Norm” (and quite often since the beginning) was could I have somehow tried to stop the onset of my illness from happening? What could I have done differently?  I was happy, I was fine, I was okay but I know now that the one thing the old version of ME was missing in her life was purpose and maybe that meant I needed to take this path in order for ME to find it. #blogger #childrensbookauthor #mentalhealthadvocate #youareenough

#purpose #me #mentalwellness #mentalhealth #thenewnorm #wheredidmommyssmilego #depression #anxiety #suicideawareness #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone

Author: Kim Fluxgold

Wife, mom of 3 beautiful children, dog lover, creative sole and children's book Author. Sharing my journey with depression and anxiety through blogging in hopes of educating and ending the stigma.

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