Thinking “Happy Socks” Can’t Cure MY Depression

THINKING “HAPPY SOCKS” CAN’T CURE MY DEPRESSION

For anyone who follows me on social media you probably know by now that over the past week I have been selling “happy socks” and I have sold A LOT of them.  There are so many happy feet running, jogging and strutting their stuff around the city as we speak, more than I could have ever imagined; like hundreds of them and let me start by saying that I truly am grateful that I was given the opportunity to do so.  Who would have ever thought that socks could be all the rage or that people would be messaging me at all hours of the night for socks or that they would be lining up outside my front door just to get a deal on socks.

But you see these are not just any ordinary socks, these are also a stylish and sometimes bold fashion statement which will add a sparkle of self-expression to any outfit.  They can be worn for just about every occasion; just ask our Prime Minister who can be seen sporting them around the world at every public event he attends (I may have just lost a lot of sales by pointing that out!).  I bet he even owns a pair with Cannabis leaves on them in celebration of this week’s legalization of marijuana. Well either way, whatever your style is, I’m sure there is a pair (or 10) of happy socks that will fit your personality.

My husband has also hopped on the happy socks bandwagon and can’t get enough of them.  He excitedly chooses his outfits each morning depending on which pair of socks he feels like wearing that day.  That’s what happy socks do, they make people feel happy and it makes me feel happy knowing that I have helped make someone else feel happy.

The problem is though it can’t cure my depression or anxiety and to be perfectly honest, the entire process of selling happy socks (along with all of the other products I have sold over the past 4 years) is extremely overwhelming for me.  I have experienced a heightened sense of panic and anxiety this week which has boiled over into other parts of my life as well only leading to injurious feelings of depression.

I’m pretty sure some people reading this may wonder what could possibly cause me to feel the way I am from selling socks but many individuals may not realize what else goes into the preparation and delivery of them, the set-up of displays and the ongoing need to restock, the having to answer 100’s of messages (not to mention the countless dumbass questions I get from total strangers), the frequent amount of people coming and going from my home (which in itself has caused several on the spot panic attacks) and the mess encompassing my dining room with boxes upon boxes of socks everywhere.

For many individuals looking on from the outside in may feel this is a great opportunity for me, it keeps me busy and earning a bit of pocket money which should make me happy and if I would only think happy thoughts, if I would only feel happy emotions, if I would only just choose to be happy then I will feel better.  What many people don’t quite understand about depression is that it is not a choice. I did not choose to become depressed just like I would not choose to have Cancer and thinking that if I just chose to feel happy or if I just chose to think happy thoughts that I could heal my depression which can be very detrimental to the healing process and lets face it, if it was truly that easy there would be no such thing as depression.

I make choices every day in regards to my Mental Wellness.  I choose to create healthy boundaries which is not always easy, I choose to communicate my thoughts and feelings even though it may be uncomfortable and embarrassing and I choose “me” even when the guilt is too overwhelming.   So even if I can’t just choose happiness I can choose to continue to create those healthy boundaries, I can choose to continue to communicate my most intimate thoughts and feelings and I can also choose “me” which combined may one day allow me to “knock the socks” right off of this cruel and ferocious disease.

Author: Kim Fluxgold

Wife, mom of 3 beautiful children, dog lover, creative sole and children's book Author. Sharing my journey with depression and anxiety through blogging in hopes of educating and ending the stigma.

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