Is Suicide Selfish?

IS SUICIDE SELFISH? *Sensitive Content*

If you have ever walked inside of a Kate Spade outlet or been fortunate enough to own one of her signature bags or any of her many other creations for that matter you will know that her brand is unique and distinctive. Her brand beams with excitement and fun and is overflowing with bright, bold stylish patterns and designs. Much like her designs, Kate herself was recognized as a bright, bold, fun and unique individual to the outside world as well as a fashion icon and a very successful self-made businesswoman. She was also an inspiration to millions of young, like-minded girls around the world, but now, since the very first broadcast and publication of her suicide, speculation and rumours have quickly shined a whole new light on her. A light that is being overshadowed by discernment and the belief that she is to be remembered simply as cowardly and selfish.

The Internet and other news outlets are being inundated with ‘fake news’ and false pretenses about Kate’s suicide and the impact she left behind to those who looked up to her and especially to those who loved her. Unfortunately, as many of you know, suicide is excruciatingly difficult to fathom when you are standing on the outside looking in and even more so when someone who seems to have it all could be hurting that much. It becomes so easy for people to caste judgement on or anger towards another human being who has completed the act of suicide, but for someone like myself I only see the lack of awareness and understanding about how depression truly works.

Depression and many other mental illnesses can shatter even the strongest, most successful and most loving people you know. I know how depression feels and how easily and quickly it can manifest into self-destructive behaviour where your brain begins to overpower your heart. I know how suicide would impact on my family, but my depression tells me otherwise. My depression constantly tells me that I am a burden to those who love me, that I am just making things worse for them and that they would be better off without me.

My depression tells me lies each and every day from the moment I wake up until the moment I finally close my eyes late at night. It doesn’t tell me what my heart wants, but instead it tells me what my mind needs. It tells me I am hopeless and worthless and that all of my efforts in regaining some kind of normalcy again are pointless. It is constantly reminding me that this is as good as it’s ever gonna get and that I may not have physically left my family but emotionally I checked out a long time ago and there ain’t no going back. My depression also knows I have a lot to be grateful for in my life but my mind continues to play tricks on me, telling my heart I’m undeserving of any type of happiness, success or the love from my family.

Social media and other news outlets along with the general population will continue to speculate and spread rumours as to why Kate Spade chose to end her life and leave behind her young daughter to carry on the pain she left behind, but as I continue to find my place in this world as a person living with a mental illness I know that pain all too well. I can only hope that the millions of impressionable young girls who looked up to Kate and all those who deeply loved her will carry on her memory as the fun, bright, unique individual that she so boldly tried to emanate from both her mind and her heart.

Author: Kim Fluxgold

Wife, mom of 3 beautiful children, dog lover, creative sole and children's book Author. Sharing my journey with depression and anxiety through blogging in hopes of educating and ending the stigma.

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