It’s Okay To Cry Over Spilt Milk


Last night I had a meltdown of epic proportions. I knew that it being my 6 year Anniversary since the onset of my illness yesterday (See blog “The Anniversary Effect”; April 4, 2020) that it wasn’t gonna be an easy day. But I did just what any good doctor would order me to do and got out of bed (eventually), took a 2 hour walk through my neighborhood and then treated myself to a warm bubble bath when we got home. 

But like clockwork everything changed without a moment’s notice and almost as soon as I stepped out of the bathtub I found myself crying over “spilt milk” again, even if most of what I was crying over wasn’t really worth getting upset about at all; but you see, the truth is, it really feels like there is plenty of spilt milk to cry over these days.

At any given moment we may find ourselves feeling sad, scared, disappointed, angry, worried, distracted, exhausted, restless, short tempered or impatient (did I cover enough adjectives?). I find that since first becoming ill my patience has become next to nil which can often stir up plenty of other emotions quickly. And now with each passing day I’m pretty sure that most of us are finding ourselves losing their patience too in some way or another or with someone or another. In other words, we are all starting to get on each other’s nerves.

It’s ok if you’re not quite ready to admit to it yet though and since there is no real guidebook for us to follow on how we should feel during a Pandemic, we all get a free pass. So with no Playbook or guidelines to follow on how we should react or be feeling right now let me reassure you that whatever the heck you are feeling is perfectly valid. 

Even if you’re living with June Cleaver from “Leave It To Beaver” we are all learning together how to coexist with others on a much different level than we were before and you may be feeling very claustrophobic, frustrated, on edge and downright snappy toward one another as we test each other’s patience and deal with each other’s anxieties and ever changing moods. 

It’s hard, it’s super fucking hard right now but “we’re all in this together” and the one thing that is gonna make this nightmare just a tad bit easier is ensuring that we all work together as a team, within our individual homes, and create a Playbook with your home team. (I really do miss sports)

This experience is no doubt gonna change us all and we are all going to have to make some changes in order to get through this Pandemic together and maybe a good place to start is by developing a “Playbook” for your home team and make sure it includes several “strategies” and “plays” that can help reduce some of your household stressors and anxieties. 

Ask your teammates what you need from them right now and moving forward to help make this time together more successful and remember that it’s still ok to cry over spilt milk while figuring it out, but by figuring it out together hopefully we will create some stronger, more adhesive family units by the time this is all over.

So what are some things you need in your Playbook?

#wereallinthistogether #family #playbook #teamwork #teammates #youareenough #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #anxiety #depression #spiltmilk #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #checkonyourstrongfriends #covid19 #coronavirus #togetherapart #flattenthecurve #socialdistancing #unitedasone 

Help Me, I’m Fine: A Poem


I wish sometimes you could just read my mind, I wish sometimes it was just that simple. 

I wish sometimes you could just see my pain and my sadness and my intrusive thoughts so clearly written all over my face. 

I wish sometimes you could just read the pain and the sadness and the intrusive thoughts written all over your child’s face or your best friend’s face or your neighbor’s face or your coworker’s face but depression often likes to wear a mask.

I have learned to wear a mask, it’s perfectly fitted in a way that allows me to hide my pain when I am able to, it’s perfectly fitted in a way that allows me to hide my sadness for whom I need to and it’s perfectly fitted in a way that allows me to hide my intrusive thoughts from those I want to.

It’s perfectly fitted and yet way more suffocating than my pain, my sadness and my intrusive thoughts combined. 

I wish sometimes I could just throw away my mask forever.

*I know how difficult it is right now for everyone so please don’t hesitate to call Kid’s Helpline 1-800-668-6868 Suicide Prevention Hotline (Canada) 1833-456-4566 for help and please remember that I’m always here to listen to your pain, your sadness and your intrusive thoughts: guilt free and judgment free, masks on and off.*

#depressionlies #depressionkills #intrusivethoughts #suicide #pain #sadness #youareenough #unmask #masksoff #noimreallynotfine #itsoktonotbeok #helpme #imfine #endthestigmaforever #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation #youarenotalone #dontsufferinsilence #mentalillness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca

At A Loss


Over the last few weeks or months, depending on where you live in this great big world you have experienced loss. Loss is an inevitable part of one’s life, but we now find ourselves having to deal with so many different types of loss all at once and as we all know, healing from loss can be the most difficult time in someone’s life. 

We are all grieving from our losses right now and it will take time to heal when many of us begin to move through the grieving process. Many people have lost loved ones during this Pandemic, but loss of a loved one is not the only reason we need to grieve. 
Think about how much you have lost already in such a short time.

We collectively have lost our freedom to leave our homes, many have lost their jobs and financial stability, we have lost the ability to hug our loved ones or go to the park with our kids or meet a friend for coffee at Starbucks and children have lost the right to go to school and learn.

Many of our sudden and very painful losses has left the world in chaos and panic and of course in grief and with grief comes an array of emotions. Fear, sadness, irritability, anger, anxiety, depression, difficulty concentrating, remorse, a lack of security, a lack of motivation, guilt, frustration and an overwhelming numbness just to name a few. 

And just so you know, it’s more than okay to feel these emotions and many others too. It’s also okay to allow yourself to take your time when you begin your healing process and to allow yourself to feel your emotions, allow yourself to ask for help, allow yourself to take care of you and most importantly allow yourself to grieve in whatever way you need.

Do not let anyone tell you how to grieve, or judge you for how you choose to grieve or for how long it takes you to heal. We will all go through the stages of grief in our own way and in our own time but no one can tell you when you should “accept” (final stage of the grieving process) your grief except you and only you.

#loss #grief #grieving #youareenough #bekindtoyourself #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation #dontsufferinsilence #itsoktonotbeok #ichooseme #yourmentalhealthmatters #covid19 #coronavirus #selfcare #togetherapart #flattenthecurve #unitedasone #twentytwentysucks

Food Glorious Food

Where Did Mommy’s Smile Go?

During the last week my girls have been occupying their time by baking lots of delicious treats for us to enjoy and one night this week Rich also spoiled us with a big pot of his yummy chicken soup with Matzah balls as well. Food not only sustains us and nourishes us, but it can also bring great support and comfort to us too. Sometimes food may trigger happy memories or even be able to connect us to our past. Food can also be a perfect opportunity to express our love for each other.

Food may have now become our central focus and possibly the most integral part of our daily lives since social distancing began and I only hope that no matter how many cookies you’ve already lost count of eating by now or how many bowls of chicken soup you’ve enjoyed so far that with each delicious bite or scrumptious spoonful it has given you a sense of security, a feeling of love and provided you some much needed comfort as you move about your day.

What is your favorite comfort food?

#foodandnutrition #newnormal #comfortfood #baking #withlove #chickensoupforthesoul #youareenough #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #mentalhealth #mentalillness #togetherapart  #covid19 #flattenthecurve #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca

Essential Service Workers

Ok so I’ve debated this for years (mostly with myself 🤔 ) but it still counts I think) but now I need a good honest answer more than ever! Why is it that our Professional Athletes, our Hollywood Actors and all other Elite Performers get paid so much f*#king money and are put high above society on a pedestal, idolized for their skillset and recognized for their efforts all in a far greater manner than those of us in society (and by us I don’t mean me) who put their lives at risk every single day for us, who risk the health and welfare of their loved ones for us and who sacrifice their safety and wellbeing for us. And now even more than ever in these unprecedented times.

But don’t get me wrong, I do miss seeing my Maple Leafs in action and I had just started to gear up for the start of the upcoming Baseball season to support my crumby Blue Jays, and ya I am probably one of the most “Starstruck” people you will ever meet in your lifetime and of course who doesn’t like to unwind sometimes to your favorite music after a long day but the true heros, the ones who deserve to be idolized and put high atop that pedestal, the ones who should be paid way too much f*#king money for their skillset and greatness for all that they do to make our lives better are the Essential Service Workers. So feel free to tag/ honour a special Essential Service Worker in your life, or give them a virtual hug today! 

#letshonourthetrueheros #thankyou #essentialservices  #spreadkindnessandlove #covid19 #coronavirus #checkonyourlovedones #bekind #youareenough

Social Distancing

The term “Social Distancing” seems kind of ironic given the technological era that we live in which makes it nearly impossible to distance ourselves socially. Technology today allows us to not only never have to step outside of our homes again but it also allows us to still be the very social beings that humans instinctively are. Always having access to email, text messaging, Social Media platforms or being able to Facetime someone on the other side of the world any time of day gives us the opportunity to always stay social and can also allow us to stay connected to one another. Oh and the best part is that we never have to feel like we are missing out on each other’s lives.

Because right now we are physically missing out on each other’s lives more than ever and being able to stay socially connected during a time of “Social Distancing” makes everything feel a little less scary. Would you agree?

#howdidweevergetbybefore #youareenough #technology #meetgeorgejetson #socialdistancing #socialmedia #covid19 #coronavirus #showkindness #checkonthevulnerable #checkonyourlovedones

Anxious over Corona

Yesterday was a difficult day for many and I know that there was alot to take in and that new information was being thrown at us from every news source; pretty much on an hourly basis. So it’s perfectly understandable that our level of anxiety may be higher than normal today. This is all very unprecedented territory and still very much unknown. I have compiled a list (through several Mental Health Experts) of some ways for us to cope with this type of anxiety. 

1.Take a break from the news or limit the amount of time you spend watching it, and try to filter it out online. Also please remember that half of what is being shared on Social Media is not always the truth.
2. Talk to someone (or text) about how you are feeling. Sorting out your emotions and feeling supported by loved ones is so helpful. Keeping your feelings bottled up will only cause you to  spiral further. 
3. Try to be present in the moment. If you are feeling anxious about catching the virus just let yourself know that right now there is no immediate threat to you and use lots of positive affirmations to remind yourself that you are safe.
4. Start journaling and writing down your thoughts and feelings of gratitude.

It’s ok to feel anxious or angry, or have difficulty sleeping or concentrating but the best thing we can all do right now is to keep washing our hands and following all the required steps to try and stay healthy for ourselves and our loved ones and remember that not every cough and sneeze means someone has Corona!

#selfcare #washyourhands #checkonyourlovedones #talktosomeome #justthefacts #coronavirus #covid19 #anxiety #youareenough  #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #pandemic #overwhelm #vulnerability #mindfulness

Should I Add It To My List?

I have anxiety over just about everything, I mean jeewhiz, my anxiety even has anxiety! There are very few moments in my day where I don’t feel some type of anxiety or even worse; panic. I’ve seriously had 2 anxiety attacks already today and I haven’t even gotten out of bed yet, but then why is it that I seem to feel nothing when it comes to the worldwide pandemic surrounding the Coronavirus.

I’ve got some friends who have some pretty serious fears when it comes to contracting the virus and maybe since it’s actually surfaced right in our neighbouring communities their fears are very valid and legit, yet still I don’t seem to be concerned. 

I watch the news and see people stockpiling toilet paper and bottled water just in case there’s the slim chance that they are quarantined. We will still have running water in our home if that happens though, won’t we? And seriously how much toilet paper do you really think you will need? Not that I have to worry since Rich already has a secret obsession with buying toilet paper so I know we will always have enough!

Boy, whoever thought I’d be the rational one of the bunch, giving advice to others on how to stay calm. I didn’t know I had the ability to stay calm about anything. But here I am as calm as can be, not listening to “fake news”, (unless it’s coming from Trump’s mouth because that’s more for the entertainment value) and just sticking to reliable sources of information instead. 

Wash your hands with soap and water lots, avoid touching your eyes, nose and mouth (which is really hard to actually do if you start to consciously think about it), avoid contact with sick people and if you feel sick stay the fuck home! All common sense everyday habits that have applied to help prevent the spread of many flu’s and viruses since the beginning of time. 

Maybe I should have more anxiety and panic about the Coronavirus but maybe I don’t because maybe deep down inside my illness would welcome a two week quarantine, I mean it doesn’t sound all that bad, does it!


#coronavirus #covid19 #pandemic #anxiety #virus #washyourhands #quarantine