Tag: suicide prevention

Maybe I Don’t Want To Get Better

No matter what’s going on in my life I have a very difficult time deriving any joy or pleasure from day to day activities or life events. I mean I do experience happiness in my life but then in the blink of an eye I can manage to twist every ounce of it into despair or displeasure. Just this past week alone there have been many moments of happiness including a long awaited job offer for Rich but I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop because that’s what depression and anxiety do to your mind.

My illness tells me that I don’t deserve to feel any joy or pleasure and maybe it’s right because lately it’s convinced me that maybe I don’t want to get better.
Maybe it’s just easier to surrender to this disease or to live with chronic depression and debilitating anxiety than to try and fight it. It’s kinda become the norm, maybe even somewhat comforting like an old worn out pair of slippers. Maybe if I can accept the fact that I will never get better then there will be less pressure on me as it feels as if it’s what is expected of me nowadays anyways. Maybe I’ve been lying to myself all along that recovery is what I really want.
Trying to pacify my pain and sadness seems near impossible when I’ve been trying for so long and nothing I do seems to be the right answer (including my new medication, see blog “Should I Or Shouldn’t I?” https://youareenough712.wordpress.com; Oct 30, 2019) which in turn just causes me more pain and more sadness.
Change can be terrifying after all and the truth is that depression and anxiety have become a big part of who I am now and everyone knows that human beings are creatures of habit.
So what if I do conquer this dreadful disease one day, then what am I going to be left with? Who will I become? Where will I belong? Will I have lost my purpose? How will I fit in? The fear of the unknown can sometimes be scarier than the known. Fear feels safe right now and protects me from further failure and hopelessness. But fear also takes away my power and motivation to allow me to find out just how worthy I really am.
#itsoktonotbeok #depression #anxiety
#suicideprevention #whoami #youareenough #bekindtoyourself #checkonyourlovedones #mentalillness #selfcare #mentalwellness #mentalhealth #youarenotalone #fears

Engagement Post

Make time to take care of YOU this weekend. What will your Self-Care include? #takecareofyourself #selfcare #selflove #ichooseme #bekindtoyourself #youareenough #youmatter #mentalwellness πŸ’œπŸ’™β€πŸ’–πŸ§‘πŸ’šπŸ’›

A Broken Mind

I’ve never broken my arm (or leg) before so I can’t actually speak from experience but I’ve been around plenty of people in my lifetime who have. When someone breaks their arm most people’s reaction is likely one of sympathy and support. People around them eagerly want to sign their cast or help ease their pain or reduce the burden from being less mobile. They are forgiven if they can’t participate in the championship game this weekend or understood if they have to cancel an upcoming engagement. And most people will happily send them their good wishes, make sure that they are doing okay and be engaged in genuine conversations about how they are feeling.
When someone is battling a mental illness far too many of us still choose to suffer in silence or feel too afraid to share their story for fear that they will be judged or ridiculed but statistics show that unless you tell someone how you are feeling their illness may go unnoticed until it is sadly too late. And because having a mental illness is still so stigmatized today it makes it that much more difficult for others to acknowledge or accept it like you would when someone is suffering with a physical challenge.
If I had chosen not to share my journey with you or publish my book, most of you reading this right now would more than likely have no idea that I struggle with a mental illness every day. I mean why would you or how could you because it’s not like I’m wearing a cast around my head. If I chose to hide my illness from the outside world I’m guessing that many people who come into contact with me in some form or another would likely look at me as someone who is lazy, anti-social, somewhat flaky or possibly even rude.
Breaking your arm is painful and burdensome and deserves to be treated with sympathy and support from others but why should someone who’s challenges or illness are not visible to the naked eye not deserve the same sympathy and support? Why is it that we don’t feel ashamed when we have a broken arm but too many people in our society still make those battling a mental illness feel very ashamed even though they too are in an enormous amount of pain? Why is it okay to forgive someone who has the limited ability to participate in activities or difficulty going out due to a physical challenge but when faced with the same limitations and more due to a mental illness are looked upon as being weak?
I wrote a blog the other day (The Climb; Oct 20, 2019) about how difficult a time I am having and the reality of it is that I am fighting with every fibre of my being to stay alive right now and if I could stabilize or actually heal my fractured mind with the aid of a bandage around my head I would. I wish that I could help more people take notice of what excruciating pain there is in living with suicidal ideations with the aid of a bandage around my head. I wish I could help more people understand how real this disease is with the aid of a bandage around my head even though there are no physical signs present but what I wish for more than anything is that it would be easier for people to engage in conversations with someone battling a mental illness who is more than a willing participant to share their story without needing to take drastic measures or having the aid of a bandage around their head to prove that they are Ε•eally sick.
The reality is there is no cast to help aid in the healing process of a mental illness but there certainly are many other ways to offer support or show acceptance and love because I really wish more than anything that I or the millions of other people suffering with a mental illness could have brighter days because someone took the time to sign their cast.

World Mental Health Day

Today is World Mental Health Day and its main focus is on suicide prevention. Today we need to start important and necessary conversations. Today we need to check in on our loved ones. Today we need to give hope to someone who may need it the most. Today we need to ensure that no-one feels alone. It takes less than a minute to do so and by being present in someone’s life who may be feeling vulnerable right now can make all difference.

Whether it’s a quick chat over a cup of coffee or a simple text message or maybe a phone call or even a quiet visit together in the comfort of their home, I can tell you how much moments like these make a difference in my own life. Keep talking, keep sharing, keep showing up, keep being kind and compassionate toward others because your voice may just be the voice who gives someone else the courage to reach out for the help they need. #givesomeonehopetoday #itonlytakesamoment #itsoktonotbeok #suicideprevention #depressionkills #anxietyisreal #mentalillness #mentalhealthawarenessweek #worldmentalhealthday #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation #youareenough #empowerment #compassion #kindness