That Dark, Unshakable Moment

Trigger Warning ⚠️ Mention of suicidal thoughts, Suicide 


Yesterday marked the 11th anniversary of Robin William’s passing. 


To many, it’s hard to believe how quickly time has passed, but unfortunately for me, it’s not. The anniversary of his passing still triggers me today. It’s a cruel reminder of just how real depression is.


That night is forever engrained in my memory. I’ve told the story of that evening many times before. Some pieces of it are still very fresh in my mind. I was just 4 months into my own mental health journey the day he died. Moments before I had read the news of his passing on my phone, I’d been sitting in my car, all alone in a dark parking lot, my family and friends having no idea of my whereabouts (once again), and contemplating my own suicide. It wasn’t the first time in that 4 month period, and it most definitely has not been the last where I have thought about or acted upon my thoughts of suicide, but it was suddenly the first time I began to truly understand the depths of my illness.


As the news quickly spread of Robin’s death, friends and family began lighting up my phone, concerned for my well-being and wanting to ensure I was safe. Easiest solution, I just shut it off. By now I was visibly shaken, alone and terrified and my only thought I had right after the initial shock was, “if someone of Robin Williams’ stature, who seemingly had it all could take his own life then what the heck am I waiting for?” 


Those same thoughts still cloud my judgment some days, today as his passing is a reminder that even a person of his stature can carry the heaviest of burdens.


I often wonder what Robin would be doing today if he were still here. 

Would he be performing a new stand-up show on stage to a sold-out crowd somewhere, making them laugh until they peed? Or perhaps he’d be working on another movie or lending his voice to some new outrageous character. 

Maybe by now, he’d have chosen to retire from showbiz altogether to spend more time, enjoying a quieter life with his loved ones while lending his voice to a much bigger purpose or cause.

I think about how many more lives he might have touched over the last 11 years, if, in that dark, unshakable moment, he’d have been able to see through the clouds or if he had reached out to a loved one and said – “I’m not okay.” Trust me when I tell you that those are 3 of the hardest words to say out loud. 

He didn’t reach out that night, and that dark, unshakable moment —took him from the world. A world that still needed him (imagine how many lives he would’ve brightened during the pandemic!).

Robin’s passing is a reminder that kindness and laughter don’t always mean someone is okay inside. His passing is also a daily reminder to us all to check in, reach out, and stay connected. 

Depression lies, and no amount of money or fame can fix that. It wants us to believe that tomorrow doesn’t need us, and some days, it’s really so damn hard to silence those cruel and daunting lies. 


But one thing I do know for certain is that tomorrow still needs Robin Williams and that it still needs you too!


*If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, please dial 9.8.8* 


Help is available.


#mentalhealth #depression #purpose #robinwilliams #suicideawareness #tomorrowneedsyou #depressionlies #itsoktonotbeok #startaconversation #helpisavailable #youarenotalone #youareenough #988 #startaconversation


    

Unlearning

OMG!! I’ve never done this before, but today, I went to Yorkdale Indigo to meet Joanna Johnson. If you haven’t already heard of her, you’re missing out!

She’s a Podcaster, TikTok sensation @unlearn16; “recognized as one of TikTok’s 2024 LGBTQ+ Visionary Voices”, a beloved teacher/VP at a Toronto private school, and now author of her new book titled  ‘That’s Not What This Book Is About”. 

I honestly felt like a giddy school girl trying to catch a glimpse of Taylor Swift. 

Over the last year, since discovering her Instagram page, her sarcastic, insightful, candid, clever, thought-provoking, engaging, and unapologetically authentic vlogs and social awareness have become a daily dose of inspiration for me. Joanna is super smart, funny, and unashamedly real — and today, I got to feel her energy in person and say thank you face to face.

Her TikTok handle/username  @unlearn16 has been more than just a name to follow for me; it’s become a reminder of what “unlearning” really is. She has helped me refocus my mental health journey, one unlearned habit at a time.

Unlearning is the process of “clearing mental space” so that you can grow into who you want to be now, rather than who you were taught to be. Something I’m struggling a lot with lately. 

It’s about challenging old mental patterns so you can make room for new perspectives. ~ ChatGPT

It’s about questioning inherited beliefs and breaking unhelpful habits that you’ve been taught and which no longer serves you. She challenges you to question, reflect, and grow. 

Joanna is the teacher we all wished we had as a teenager. Her witty, lighthearted tone makes important topics more approachable. She makes learning fun. She listens. She cares. She advocates. 

I was completely out of my comfort zone today. But happy I got the opportunity to meet her. I actually gave her a copy of my children’s book “Where Did Mommy’s Smile Go?” and talked with her about the importance of opening up mental health conversations in every classroom. Ya never know, maybe she’ll invite me to a “Class in Session” (the name of her Podcast!) to speak to her 100’s of lucky kids.

@unlearn16 @indigoyorkdalemall #booksigning #meetandgreet #tiktok #Podcaster #unlearning  #yourmentalhealthmatters #youareenough #booktalk #wheredidmommyssmilego @youareenough712.wordpress.com 

Feeling my Feelings

“Healing begins the moment we stop running from our feelings and start listening to them.” ~ unknown 

This last week has been a lot. My feelings are loud, complicated, and very messy.

I’m feeling resentment, disappointment, guilt, frustration, grief, anger, sadness, and confusion. 

But, I’m trying my best to sit with all these feelings and not to numb them. Instead, to be honest about how I feel, even if it makes me uncomfortable, because sometimes, the bravest thing you can do for yourself is just feel. And the truth is, as I’m sure you know, emotions don’t disappear if we ignore them. They just wait for the perfect opportunity to strike again and often, louder than before.

Over the last many years, with the loving support and guidance of my therapist, I have learned that healing starts when we stop silencing our inner child’s voice and start listening to her with love. 

Silence won’t heal our wounds. Healing begins when we are honest with ourselves and when we start realizing that our feelings matter, so I’m letting myself feel everything at this moment.

In order to do so, I’ve found myself needing to reconnect with the version of myself who first learned as a child to suppress her feelings. I was taught not to feel my feelings from a young age, that was, until everything imploded some 11 years ago with a downward spiral into a debilitating battle with depression and anxiety. All these years later, I’m choosing to put in the work, my hand gently grasping hers, allowing myself to feel what she couldn’t – all the big, ugly, loud, complicated, and very messy feelings. They come from years of emotional wounds that were never acknowledged. Feeling unseen. Carrying weight that was never mine to carry. 

I am learning ways to hold compassion for myself. I don’t know if I’ll ever fully find peace in my heart, or if some parts of my story will remain unresolved, but what I do know is that no matter how much it hurts sometimes, I will continue to feel my feelings because I know now, they are not the enemy—they are information, and the roadmap to my healing. 

If any of this resonates with you, just know that you are not alone. Be gentle with yourself and feel your feelings! Don’t sugarcoat them for anyone,  especially yourself! Your feelings are valid.

Shabbat Shalom 💛 

#feelyourfeelings #youmatter #begentlewithyourself #mentalhealth #childhoodtrauma #youareenough #healing #innerchild #youarenotalone #selfcare  @youareenough712.wordpress

Guess Where Trip

Today’s #summerofrich adventure was one for the books! From haunted history and spooky sights to dining with ghosts and ghastly tales of torture. 


Today was full of unexpected twists and turns, including a beautiful hidden waterfall and a hike led by the spirit of a heartbroken lover 💔. 

We finally tried “Guess Where Trips”, a company that plans one-day, self-guided surprise road trips based on your interests. I’ve been dying to try one (pun intended).

You have no idea where you’re headed until you hit the road, and each destination only gets revealed once you’ve completed the previous stop. There are multiple options along the way, and just enough mystery to keep you guessing the whole time. Total choose-your-own-adventure vibes.


It’s such a super cool, unique experience.  Was definitely not your average Sunday drive. Can’t wait to do another one!


*Founder of “Guess Where Trips” was featured on Dragon’s Den and is also the “winner of a NACO fellowship” as one of the top 10 female entrepreneurs on the show.


Check out their website to plan your own adventure:

https://guesswheretrips.com/pages/all-our-trips


#guesswhere #spookysitesandghostlytales #surpriseroadtrip #adventure #ontarioisyourstodiscover #girlpower #entrepreneur #mentalhealth #nature #dragonsden @guesswheretrips @youareenough

National Be Outside Day

Today, the first Saturday in August, is National Be Outside Day—a perfect reminder to step away from the chaos and breathe in the peace that only nature can offer. It’s exactly what my mental health needs.

We took full advantage of this beautiful summer day with a peaceful yet invigorating #SummerOfRich adventure. The fresh air, the movement, the sunshine. I soaked it all in.

The summer is flying by, and I’m doing my best not to let a single moment slip by when time allows for it. Every step outside feels like a small act of self-care. Even if it’s for a little while, it can do wonders for your mind and spirit.

How are you spending your National Be Outside Day?

#nationalbeoutsideday #selfcare #mentalhealth #invigorating #wellness #nature #hiking #justbreathe #mindandspirit #woodpecker

Happy National Friendship Day

Today, on “National Friendship Day,” we celebrate the people who show up, lift us up, and walk beside us in our best and worst moments. But let’s also take a moment to recognize our friends who may be silently struggling.

As someone who battles depression and anxiety, I know that sometimes, even the simplest connections can feel so out of reach. When struggling with your mental health, it can easily convince someone that they are a burden to others or not worthy of love. Depression doesn’t always look like sadness. It also looks like distance, silence, or canceled plans. That is why friendship—real, patient, empathetic, non-judgmental friendship is so powerful. 

A friend doesn’t need to have the perfect words.

A friend shouldn’t feel the need to try and fix you. 

Your presence matters more than your need to try and fix someone or any perfect words ever will.

A simple check-in letting someone know you are thinking of them can be a lifeline to so many. 

There is strength in reaching out, in taking notice, and there is so much healing in loving kindness. 

Today is a beautiful day to remind someone that they matter and that they are not alone. And tomorrow, too.

To my friends and loved ones who continue to show up, lift me up and walk beside me on my journey in the best and worst moments, your presence matters, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

“Friendship isn’t just for the good days. It’s for all the days.” ~ unknown 

#NationalFriendshipDay #youmatter #youarenotalone #checkonyourfriends #friendshipgoals #lovingkindness #healing #mentalhealth #wellbeing #strength #showup #treatmentresistantdepression #anxiety #connections #thinkingofyou #itsoktonotbeok

Finding Light on the Heavy Days

Yesterday, Rich and I spent a peace- filled afternoon visiting one of our favourite farmer’s markets followed by a beautiful and serene hike. On our way home, we stopped to grab a bite to refuel when I received a phone call that quickly unraveled in ways I did not expect, and suddenly, our plans for the evening turned to chaos. 


The emotional weight, heaviness, and trauma I carry with me every where I go took over. My peace-filled Saturday afternoon was now nothing more than a blur. All I could do to get through was hold my breath and hope to come up for air.


This morning, once there was a moment to exhale, I knew what I needed most today was a reset, and space to feel and heal after a challenging night, so Rich and I headed to a familiar place that was calling to me; a sunflower field with endless rows of golden petals in full bloom, each one lifting its head toward the sun, as if they were holding on to the promise of a brighter tomorrow; standing unapologetically tall, even with all their imperfections. 


Maybe it’s the reason why they have always been my favourite flower. 


As we walked through the fields, surrounded by sunflowers, the warmth from the hot sun glistening off my shoulders melted some of the heaviness I was carrying. 


Sometimes, walking through a field full of sun-kissed, radiant flowers feels like enough after a night that nearly broke me. 


If you are going through a hard time; take a moment to step outside, breathe, and find your version of a sunflower 🌻.


“Keep your face always toward the sunshine, and shadows will fall behind you.” ~ Walt Whitman


#sunflowers #sunkissed #radiant #heaviness #summertime #emotionaltrauma #flowers #peace #golden #mentalhealth #wellbeing #chaos #youareenough #imperfectlyperfect #imperfections #breathe #exhale #healing

Self-Care is Sacred

Every year on July 24th, we celebrate “International Self-Care Day”. The date symbolizes that self-care should be practiced “24/7” – 24 hours a day, 7 days a week!!


Today, we are reminded to pause, breathe, and care for ourselves – body, mind, and soul – and that taking time to care for ourselves is a Mitzvah (good deed). As a Jewish woman, Judaism teaches me that caring for ourselves is not selfish – it’s sacred.


The concept of self-care is deeply woven into our tradition. From the gift of Shabbat, which offers us weekly rest, reconnection and reflection, not only to others, but for ourselves as well, to “Shmirat HaNefesh”, a Hebrew phrase that is translated as “guarding the soul”. It refers to caring for one’s emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being – not just our physical health.


It is also associated with Jewish teachings about self-care, inner peace, mental health, and nurturing the soul through prayer, mindfulness, Torah learning, compassion, and spiritual connection.


May today and every day inspire you to nurture your spirit and embrace the Mitzvah of caring for yourself.


How are you practicing self-care today?


#internationalselfcareday #mitzvah #wellbeing #selfcareisnotselfish #mindfulness #connection #mentalhealth #physicalhealth

No Accident

This morning, on my way to work, I stopped to grab a drink at Tim Hortons. As I turned to leave, an old friend and mentor was standing in line, and she caught my attention.

We first met during our school-age years, long, long ago, and although our lives have taken very different paths since then, it’s our own personal mental health journeys that have continued to bring us together time and again over the last 10+ years. 

We did a quick catch-up in the parking lot of the plaza before parting ways, but not before making plans in the near future first. 

I’ve been thinking about her all day. I truly believe it was no accident that we ran into one another this morning. 

Her energy has always felt deeply aligned with mine. I feel an indescribable spiritual connection when in her presence.

I feel safe and authentic.

I feel seen and understood.

There is a sense of mutual resonance. 

Our conversations feel timeless. They push me to look inward toward self-awareness and healing. 

Today, the universe had its own plans, and I am truly grateful for this gentle reminder of meaningful connections and unexpected encounters.

#abriefencounter #spiritually #guidance #meaningfulconnections #authentic #healing #timeless #selfawareness #mentalhealth #wellness #aligned  #youareenough 


 


 





Wutai Shan Buddhist Garden

“The greatest journeys can’t be measured in miles.” ~ unknown 

Over the last 8 years since our  #summerofrich adventures first began, its accompanying hashtag has become something far more reaching than chasing waterfalls or the distance between trails. Instead, it has brought with it countless moments of joy, meaningful reflection, deep connection, and the invitation to look inward. 

“Sometimes peace isn’t something you chase — it’s a place you find.” ~ unknown 

Today, we found such a place as our journey took us to the beautiful grounds of Wutai Shan Buddhist Garden, and it was nothing short of awe-inspiring.

Today felt like a mental health reset as we wandered through the serene paths, surrounded by intricate and towering statues, sacred temples, bathing basins, prayer wheels, meditation rooms, and open gardens that left you with a feeling of joy in your heart. There was a collective sense of inner peace, reflection, strength, clarity, and healing. 

While wandering the garden, I made wishes to be granted for myself, my family, and the world at large. Health, happiness, peace, kindness, healing, and safety were all top of mind.

The outside world took pause today. The stillness, the beauty, the gentle spiritual energy, all of it created space to just take a relaxed breath and a chance to simply be.

“Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.” ~ Hermann Hesse

Today was a true gift of stillness. It was an opportunity to reset and reconnect in a space intentionally created for just that.

“Wutai Shan Buddhist Garden” is a true sanctuary for both the spirit and the mind. It’s a safe space for everyone to visit, reflect, and enjoy, regardless of your faith or religion. 

Before heading home, we took a detour to one of our favourite little towns. We continued our peace-filled day with a walk along the water and enjoyed a scoop (maybe) two of ice cream and a milkshake in celebration of “National Ice Cream Day”. 

It definitely felt like the cherry on top!

#wutaishanbuddhistgarden #Buddhist #innerpeace #sanctuary #clarity #healing #reflection #connection #sacredtemple #momentsofjoy #spiritual #lookinginward #aweinspiring #stillness #mentalhealth #wishes #wellbeing #nationalicecreamday #cherryontop