Category: writer

WHAT SHOULD I  BE WHEN I GROW UP?

What do you want to be when you grow up? Well at 48, close to 49 years old I am still searching for the answer.

When I was a child I had big dreams of becoming a veterinarian because I loved animals but the problem was I sucked at science, refused to dissect a frog and not to mention that I was way too sensitive to work with sick animals. 

At one point during my days of baton twirling I wanted to become a professional baton twirler if that’s even such a thing! But after winning the Miss Congeniality award and twirling my baton in a local Santa Claus parade I was hooked. 

Of course there was the time I dreamt of becoming a cartoonist. I had sketchbooks upon sketchbooks of cartoon characters I had created and cartoon strips to go along with them. I was pretty darn imaginative and maybe even a bit funny. 

Then there was the time I really wanted to become a hairdresser (and to be honest it’s still something I long for). I would play with my doll’s hair for hours on end, styling it and giving them some pretty cool haircuts too, that was of course until I started practicing on real human hair, (I had some pretty brave friends I must say) and I was the queen of french braiding which I still am to this day (or at least my girls think so).

Oh man the list of what I wanted to be when I grew up was endless; a model, a fashion designer, a social worker, an art therapist and even a journalist. Yes almost 49 years now and still searching for what I want to be when I grow up and feeling very inadequate in so many of my life choices but if I have learned anything along my journey over the last 6 years it’s that growth is an ever-changing process and that it’s okay to keep changing and that it’s okay keep growing and that it’s okay to keep pursuing your passions, your purpose and your reason why even if it takes a lifetime and even if you have to go through hell to get there first.

#blogger #childrensauthor #writer #childrensbook #wheredidmommyssmilego  #amazondotca #helpingothers  #advocate #purpose #mywhy #youareenough #noshame #mentalillness  #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #selfcare #ichooseme #dreams #goals #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone 

Keep Talking

Yesterday’s Bell Let’s Talk initiative raised over 7.5 million dollars all because of you! Bell’s initiative is considered to be the largest mental health movement in the entire world (#proudcanadian) and even saw the likes of @ellendegeneres tweeting out #BellLetsTalk hashtags! 

Since its conception 10 years ago there has been a definite step in the right direction as to how we talk about mental illness and Bell’s generous initiative and donations year after year are helping to make a difference in the lives of so many communities even if some choose to not believe it. I mean can you tell me what other big corporations do you know of that are dedicated to donating that much money to help support research, development and mental health across Canada? 

And for me yesterday while reading so many heartfelt stories on social media by people opening up about their own personal struggles with mental illness was the icing on the cake. For some it was their very first time (that takes a whole lot of courage, trust me I know!)and it also brings us one step closer to ending the stigma. Having the courage to share your struggles openly, honesty and with vulnerability may just be the key that unlocks someone else’s ability to start their own conversation and find the strength to ask for help. So please,  let’s keep the conversation going every single day and if you ever need someone to talk to day or night I am always here to listen, without judgment!

#BellLetsTalk #endthestigmatogether #youareenough #startaconversation #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #masksoff #everyactioncounts #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca

Across The Pond

Sold my first book across “The Pond” today! We may be complete strangers and seem worlds apart from one another but we have a bond that is bigger and stronger than any Mountain or Sea that separates us. Mental illness affects us all! Mental illness does not discriminate! 

#feelinggrateful #startaconversation #talktoyourkids  #dontsufferinsilence #itsoktonotbeok #masksoff #youarenotalone #youareenough #wheredidmommyssmilego #childrensbook #author #depression #family #children #uk #scotland #amazondotca

The Morning Show

The last few months have felt like a dream come true and today was the icing on the cake! Thank you for having me on this morning to share my story @morningshowca @globalnewsto @carolynglobal @jmacspeaks #amomentlikethis #parentingplaybook #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazondotca #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #startaconversation

https://globalnews.ca/video/6272474/parenting-playbook-how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-depression/

About Last Night

I’ve done quite a few events and interviews over the last month or so since my book was published but last night was by far the most meaningful one yet. As I mentioned last week I was asked to be a panelist at an event called Community Conversations at the Richmond Hill Public Library where I was to speak about Mental Illness and Stigma. In preparation for the event I was sent a series of 4 questions beforehand on the topic of Stigma in which I would be asked to discuss in front of the group along with a short bio about my journey and then followed up with a Q & A from the audience at the very end.
One by one each panelist discussed their views on (1) the harmful effects of the Stigma surrounding mental illness, (2) the most commonly held stereotypes about mentally ill people, (3) our strategies on how we as a society can help diminish the Stigma and (4) our thoughts on the important and urgent need for more access and funding to better educate the public about mental illness in order to increase understanding and empathy.
I was BEYOND anxious and overwhelmed all day yesterday and especially as I sat in my big, comfy chair waiting for the event to begin. I sat there looking around the room as the other panelists and guests arrived one by one and the anxiety and overwhelm just kept building. By now my head was filled with so much negative self-talk I thought it was going to explode! I wanted to run for the nearest exit screaming and crying (but I was in a library afterall and didn’t want to distract the 100’s of kids trying to study!) And no amount of breathing or grounding exercises seemed to be slowing down what was going on inside my body and mind either, but then the Moderator started to introduce the panel 1 by 1 and when I started to tell my story to a room full of strangers all my anxiety and overwhelm seemed to dissipate.
Suddenly I felt a sense of belonging and that by sharing my story and speaking from my heart on a topic I have so much passion and understanding for and knowing that I could possibly help someone feel less alone, feel like it’s ok to not be ok or feel a sense of comfort from within their own community made all the anxiety and overwhelm all worthwhile.
Everyone in attendance last night had their own reason for being there. Some may have been mental health educators or professionals, some may have been mental health advocates, some may have been in need of some guidance for their own mental wellness and some may have been there to seek advice on behalf of a loved one in need of support.
But whatever their reason was for being there, they all have a story to tell, we all have a story to tell and we definitely need more evenings like last night so that more and more people can have a safe place to feel like they can start telling their story and know that someone is listening. I know I want to hear it; how about you?
#mentalhealthawarenessweek #mentalillness #mentalhealth #stigma #endthestigmatogether #youareenough #choosekindness #itsoktonotbeok #startaconversation #educationiskey #dontsufferinsilence #speakyourtruth #courage #wheredidmommyssmilego #amazon #rhpl

My Book Launch

The last couple of days have been so surreal. I mean it’s not every day that a TV news reporter sends you a private message on Facebook asking if they can come to your home in an hour to do an interview with you for the 5 o’clock news (and it’s already 2 pm) and it’s not every day that you get to celebrate the “Launch” of your recently published children’s book. But now I can actually say I’ve done both and last night I was surrounded by so many amazing friends (new and old) and family which was graciously hosted by two of the most incredible human beings I know who opened up both their hearts and their home to host this fabulous party and I am just so damn lucky to call them my friends. And looking around the room last night and seeing just how many people came to support me and to celebrate me and my new book I know I am truly blessed. I feel like this has all just been one long dream and I’m afraid to wake from it because I still have so much left to do before then. I didn’t get a chance to take many pictures as I was too busy trying to be in the moment and soak it all in (and signing lots of books too!). Part of the proceeds of sales last night and from some other recent and upcoming events will be donated to CMHA, an organization I have spoken about many times. I am attaching my speech below that I read last night (it’s kinda like a blog!) as it captures the true essence of what last night meant to me along with what this book truly means to me and it turns out it was harder to write than any ole book or blog I could have ever written.

Good Evening Everyone,
I just want to start off tonight with a very special thank you to Jeff and Karen who are 2 of the most honorable, kindhearted and virtuous human beings I know (the true meaning of a mensch!), who selflessly give so much of themselves to others and continue by doing so tonight having opened up both their hearts and their home this evening to celebrate me and my new book. I am forever grateful and beyond blessed to know you both and having your friendship and support means the world to me.
I’m just so overwhelmed with so many emotions right now (I know that doesn’t take much for me!). Over the last five and a half years I have been both blessed and honored with meeting so many new and wonderful people whom I now call friend, I have also been blessed and honored with becoming re-acquainted with so many old friends who quickly became new friends again and of course I have been so blessed and honored to have so many wonderful friends and family in my life who have come along with me on my journey since the beginning. And I am so blessed and honored that so many of you are here tonight to celebrate with me. It truly means so much.

Trust me, I know it hasn’t been easy at times but I’m so appreciative to have each and every one of you in my life. If I may quote Oprah here for a moment because well, she’s Oprah and she’s one of the wisest people I know (she’s no Dr. Phil, but still!) and every teachable moment is an opportunity for some new insight and growth! Oprah reminds us that “lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you really want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down!” And maybe one day I will be able to get back into that limo again but for now my pockets are overflowing with all the tokens I need, knowing just how many of you continue to ride that bus with me.

As most of you here tonight know, I started writing a blog almost 3 years ago chronicling my journey, being my true authentic self, speaking as openly and honestly as I can about my illness and about mental illness in general. I have had such an overwhelmingly positive response by so many people just by being so open, by being so honest and by being so vulnerable and I know it has helped many others to start important and necessary conversations, understand the many challenges and complexities surrounding mental illness and most of all it’s helped more people feel like they are not alone, that it’s okay to not be okay and that it’s more than okay to reach out for help.
Just the other night I received a private message on Facebook from a friend I probably haven’t seen nor spoken to in over 30 years except for the occasional like or comment on our Facebook pages. She told me how inspired she was by my blogs and by my recent book. She then proceeded to tell me about a relative of hers who has been battling with severe depression and the struggle to find proper treatment and hope. She asked me if I would be willing to talk with her relative and offer them some guidance and support. This is just one of many messages I receive on a very regular basis nowadays and it warms my heart knowing that she chose me to confide in and it reassures me that my words are reaching those who matter the most.

Since publishing my book “Where Did Mommy’s Smile Go?” only a few weeks ago I have been asked quite frequently what my inspiration behind writing it was. Well I think I may have just answered that question a moment ago with that brief anecdote but of course you all played an important role as well in writing my book with every heartfelt word of comfort and support you send my way, encouraging me to keep telling my story. But what truly inspired me to write this book were my three children, Jacob, Hannah and Rachel because this is their story, this is our story and I needed to share it in hopes that it would help so many other children and families too.

The book is seen through the eyes of a young girl with her two siblings right by her side as their father helps them cope with their feelings and helps them to understand the difference between sadness and depression. And although my kids were in the throes of their teenage years already when I first became ill they were still just as confused and just as scared as any child would be trying to cope and understand an illness they cannot see. At times they have needed the same reassurance that a child of any age would, they have needed to know that they are safe, that they are loved and that they are in no way responsible for their mother’s illness.
They are the heart and soul of this book, they are my heart and soul and they are my 3 reasons why! They have been faced with many challenges and have encountered many difficult situations due to my illness and they are who inspire me each and every day to fight this disease to the end. I love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living my babies you’ll be!
Becoming an author still feels so surreal to me and getting here hasn’t been easy. I’ve had plenty of sleepless nights (well those I’d probably have had anyways), I’ve shed many, many tears (well that’s a given!) I’ve driven Rich up a wall (well that’s a given too!) and I’ve wanted to give up more times than I can count but I didn’t and that’s because I was never alone, nor could I have ever done this alone. I just want to take a moment here before I promise to wrap this up to say an extra special thank you to some extra special people, some of whom I have finally gotten to meet for the very first time this evening.
Shirley, thank you for always going that extra mile for me and my family too, and for being one of my greatest cheerleaders and biggest supporters. You are truly one of a kind and I could not have been able to do this without you.
Lana, thank you for believing in my book and for placing it at the forefront of the amazing organization you work with. You made other’s believers too and I am forever grateful for the incredibly kind and generous gift I received from “Aunty Janis'” which has allowed me to take my book to exciting new heights.
To Shawna, I am beyond grateful to have found you. You took my vision and you brought my book to life. We did this together and I am so proud to have your name on the front cover alongside mine and to share this moment with you. I am so lucky to call you my friend.
And last but certainly not least, my partner in life, my best friend, my confidant. Rich, I don’t know where I’d be right now without you by my side every step of this journey. You have proven time and time again that love conquers all, that in sickness and in health we are in this together til death do us part. Your children are so damn lucky to have such an amazing role model to look toward when choosing their future spouse because as the saying goes “everyone needs a Rich!” and there ain’t nothing further from the truth!
Thank you all once again for being here to celebrate with me tonight and never forget that #youareenough!
Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.

No-one Is Immune

Last night news spread very quickly over many mental health related newsfeeds about a young man named Jarrid Wilson, just 30 years old who had taken his own life. He was married with 2 young children, he was an author and co-founder of a non profit organization called Anthem of Hope. He was a mental health advocate, a devout Christian and a very well known Pastor who gave “hope for those battling brokenness, depression, anxiety, self-harm, addiction, and suicide” even while he was battling his own depression and anxiety; something he spoke very open and honestly about.
As soon as I read the news my jaw just about dropped to the floor because he was somewhat of a celebrity to me and to anyone else who is as obsessed as I am with the TLC reality show “Outdaughtered”. Even if you are just a little bit obsessed with the show then you should know exactly who he was (and if you don’t know the show then you seriously don’t know what you are missing; The cutest quintuplets around!). New season starts October 1st.
A couple of seasons ago Jarrid and his family were featured in several episodes when the dad of the quints; Adam Busby was diagnosed with post-partum depression (yes it exists in men too!) and sought out Pastor Jarrid for some counselling. I watched those episodes a little differently than most other episodes because I felt the dad’s pain and so much of what Pastor Jarrid said to him at the time resonated so much with me.
I didn’t know at the time those episodes aired that the Pastor was battling with his own mental health issues and that much of what he said during their sessions together came from a place of understanding and compassion and knowing both of them were very devout Christian’s, God played a big part in both of their journeys. And kudos to TLC for tackling such a stigmatized topic, especially for men.
I am certain that many of you are probably asking yourselves today how a person who devoted his entire life to helping others battle depression, who wrote books about hope, who co-founded a non profit organization supporting others with depression and who devoted his entire life to God could lose his battle with depression himself. Well the senior Pastor at his church in California summed it up perfectly. Greg Laurie stated in an interview yesterday that “Sometimes people may think that as pastors or spiritual leaders we are somehow above the pain and struggles of everyday people, we are the ones who are supposed to have all the answers. But we do not.”
Those words ring true for any person who suffers with depression and understands that no one, no matter what your socio-economical background is or your religious beliefs are, nobody is immune to mental illness which is why I can see so many parallels between my own journey and Jarrid’s journey too.
I may not pray or look toward God for guidance but like Jarrid I experience pain each and every day and like Jarrid I have made it my mission to advocate for change and end the stigma surrounding mental illness by being that voice. And like Jarrid I have made it my mission to help as many people as I can get the help they need and give other people hope. And like Jarrid I have made it my mission to let others know that it’s okay not to be okay. Hey and lets not forget that like Jarrid I too can now call myself an author!
I know it’s so difficult to understand how someone like myself or Jarrid can do all those things yet still not be able to practice what we preach because it’s no secret that it’s often so much easier to see the beauty in others and not in our own selves. And although suicide took his life “Suicide will not get the last word. I won’t let it. You always said, “Hope gets the last word (A quote from his wife). And I’m pretty sure she will make it her mission now to ensure that hope lives on in all of us battling this deadly disease.
Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.

Something From Nothing

When I first began teaching Preschool aged children many years ago (before I had my own kids) I began a collection of age appropriate books that I felt would be relevant to my own children one day, many of which I have kept to pass along to the next generation too. One such book is the award winning book adapted from a Jewish folktale called “Something From Nothing”.
Once my own kids were old enough I began reading it to them regularly and it never got old. The story begins with a proud grandfather making his new grandson Joseph a wonderful baby blanket “to keep him warm and cozy and chase away bad dreams.” As Joseph grows, his much loved baby blanket becomes “frazzled and torn” (much like my copy of this book) and his mom encourages Joseph to throw it away. Joseph would hear nothing of it and says to his mother proudly; “Grandpa can fix it!” And fix it he did, many many times as he grew. He transformed his blanket into a wonderful jacket, a wonderful vest, a wonderful tie, a wonderful handkerchief and finally with very little material left he made a wonderful button for him to hold up his suspenders with.
That was until one day when the button becomes lost and Joseph searches everywhere for it but can’t find it and Joseph had to come to the realization that even his amazing grandfather couldn’t make “Something From Nothing”.
But maybe there was hope after all because what Joseph learned that day was far more valuable than finding his wonderful button, it was that there still was something indeed that could be made from the material left behind which just so happened to be a wonderful story.
The message of love is abundant in this timeless tale and is such a touching story to see the special bond growing deeper and deeper between a boy and his grandfather. In the end Joseph realizes that it was never about a wonderful blanket or a wonderful coat or even a wonderful button but instead it was about making memories and being able to retell stories over and over again that came with each stage of his life.
It was about creating those memories with his loved ones and holding on to them because truly in the end it is all about the importance of using our imaginations and being able to share our memories with the people that matter the most, no matter how young or old. If we use our imaginations and create the ability to storytell then we will always be able to make “Something From Nothing”.
I learned this valuable lesson very recently when I shared a fun and engaging post on my Facebook page about all the collectibles many of us had in our childhood (like stickers and stationary and cabbage patch dolls). I no longer have any of my collectibles due to several unforeseen circumstances (another story for another time) and at first my fun and engaging post quickly turned my emotions to anger and sadness when others began sharing how they still had their childhood treasures but then I remembered that it wasn’t about the material things itself but more about our ability to create memories, use our imagination and to keep storytelling over and over again with each stage of our lives because that is the material left behind to make for any great story!

Starting Conversations

Taking a much needed break today on the water, spending time with good friends and some new friends too. Swimming, eating, drinking and chillaxing with a good book. This picture makes my heart so full. Important conversations are happening everywhere! #mentalwellness #selfcare #startaconversation #depression #moms #kidsmentalhealthmatters #youarenotalone #youmatter #itsoktonotbeok #bepresent #endthestigmatogether #wheredidmommyssmilego #summerofrich

Where Did Mommy’s Smile Go?

Moms Mental Health Initiative is a dedicated non profit organization which help moms (and dads) navigate through one of the most vulnerable stages of life. Postpartum depression is a very real and very serious illness and can affect as many as 1 in every 7 women following the birth of their child often stemming from a combination of hormonal changes, psychological adjustment to motherhood and fatigue. Moms Mental Health Initiative has so kindly shared my book with their community as a helpful tool or resource for families affected by postpartum depression. They offer a lot of helpful information, connect moms with many great resources and provide wonderful peer-driven support. You can reach them at: http://www.momsmentalhealthmke.org or follow them on their Facebook page if you or someone you love is in need of help.