Category: Stigma

SOCIAL ANXIETY: A THANKSGIVING WEEKEND TO REMEMBER

This past weekend was definitely a long one, both literally and figuratively. Not only was it actually a long weekend due to the Thanksgiving holiday (in Canada) but my social calendar was completely jam packed from dinner-time Friday night right through til dinner-time Monday night. The weekend was filled with celebration after celebration which included both family & friends. Sounds pretty magical doesn’t it? Well it would be for anyone not suffering from a social anxiety disorder.

Unless you struggle with a social anxiety disorder like I do I’m pretty certain you may not fully grasp the depths of my anguish and tribulation that come along with it and lets not forget how much effort it takes to get through. I have had some of these events from this past weekend on my calendar for weeks, if not months and if you think that helps, well unfortunately it doesn’t. It actually causes me more apprehension, more trepidation, more worry and more fear which gives me more time to anticipate, stress about and panic over.

The discomfort associated when struggling with such a condition goes far beyond just feeling awkward in social settings and like every other aspect of my mental illness, I just need you to know that I do not choose to feel this way as irrational as it may seem to many people and statistics show that social anxiety is now among one of the most common of all the mental disorders combined. Many people from time to time feel uncomfortable or nervous in social situations but when the stress of the situation goes above and beyond your normal comfort zone it can become very overwhelming.

There are many ways that having social anxiety can rear its ugly head and each individual’s situation may be different. For me it’s honestly just as simple as having to be around people (which can be extremely difficult to bypass, even as I continue to try and avoid going to many popular hotspots in and around my community), it’s having to engage in simple conversation, it’s having to enter a room filled with people whether I know them or not, it’s feeling like I don’t belong, it’s feeling like people are staring at me or judging me and it’s wishing that I could just blend in with the furniture.

I did survive this very long Thanksgiving weekend but not without experiencing every symptom associated with social anxiety at some point during the weekend. Many of the symptoms and emotions included severe heart palpitations (all day, every day), hesitation, nausea, headaches (which could have very well been due to the crappy, rainy weather or drinking alcohol which I avoided as much as possible for many reasons), shortness of breath (imagine you are drowning and trying to keep your head above the water as you intensely gasp for your next breath), irrational thoughts, crying and restlessness.

Having social anxiety can be just as frustrating and infuriating for your loved ones as it is for the individual itself who is suffering. My husband will firmly attest to this, especially on a weekend that he and my children were looking so forward to enjoying. I know it was not easy on him either this weekend (nor were the days preceding it; okay let’s be honest, nor have the last 4 years) having to continually shield me, protect me and accommodate my sudden outbursts and rollercoaster of emotions due to my social anxieties, most of which I tried to keep hidden behind closed doors, only adding more stress and pressure on him (I know you’re all thinking, he’s one lucky guy!).

Although this weekend was filled with many sudden outbursts and a rollercoaster of emotions and although I didn’t get to eat any turkey or pumpkin pie (actually I hate pumpkin pie so that’s okay), it was a thanksgiving weekend I will not soon forget. I was surrounded by genuine friendship, I was embraced by genuine hugs and I felt a genuine love and acceptance by so many and that is truly a lot to be thankful for.

*PLEASE READ* THE STIGMA IS KILLING US *PLEASE READ*
*Sensitive Content*

Okay, I’ll admit we have come a long way in the last 10 years pertaining to the stigma surrounding Mental Illness but it’s not nearly enough and there has been way too much proof of that in recent weeks and months. I’m pretty sure that anyone who has ever suffered with a Mental Illness (both past and present day) has placed blame upon themselves for getting sick (myself included) because of the ignorance and irresponsibility of others. I’m also pretty sure that those same people have dealt with name calling and even been told that if they just try harder it would all go away (myself included).

One thing I do know for sure is that by having to endure these misconceptions brought about by society will lead many individuals to feeling ashamed and embarrassed for something that is not in their control (myself included), not to mention feeling like a burden to their loved ones (myself included) and therefore many choose to just suffer in silence instead.

According to the Mayo Clinic a “stigma is when someone views you in a negative way because you have a distinguishing characteristic or personal trait that’s thought to be, or actually is a disadvantage.” These negative stereotypes couldn’t be a more accurate definition of many people’s harmful perceptions and beliefs toward individuals living with a mental illness and guess what; we aren’t all deranged, vicious threats to society as the stigma has also empowered many to believe.

A Mental Illness stigma can lead to all sorts of discrimination, sometimes in an indirect way, but many times it is directed right at the individual, but either way, it is very damaging and can lead to worsening symptoms. Often when the stigma is placed upon an individual suffering with a Mental Illness they feel an unwillingness to seek proper treatment for fear of being judged or excluded especially when there is a strong lack of understanding from family and friends.

Although I have become a strong voice in the fight to end the stigma surrounding Mental Illness, I still live with the warped perception brought upon by the ignorance of many people in society. It often leads me to feel ashamed, embarrassed and like a complete failure even as I advocate for change. And even though I feel these emotions I have not allowed it to stop me from continuing to advocate for change by speaking my reality, by allowing you into my most intimate thoughts and by educating others through my blogs and social media platforms.

What has kept me fighting is simply the fact that I now know that I have actually made a difference in so many lives, I have actually changed people’s lives, I have actually changed people’s perceptions surrounding Mental Illness and I have actually been shown so much gratitude and kindness from lives I have touched. Many of these individuals were too scared to ask for help before delving into my life and learning that it’s okay to not be okay and after speaking wholeheartedly with me have actually taken that first step toward helping themselves or a loved one.

I started off this article by telling you that although we have made great strides toward ending the Mental Illness stigma there is still a very long way to go. Last week I spoke of not one but two suicides which occurred right in my very own community and it was heartbreaking. What was even more heartbreaking was hearing that the system failed them, but the truth is, when someone who had been suffering in silence takes their own life, it is not the “system’s” fault, nor is it their loved one’s fault, the truth is it’s no one’s fault but the F*#@ING STIGMA. So who’s with me? Who’s ready for the greatest showdown ever? Who’s ready to stop the stigma from killing us?