Category: Mental Health

I was speaking with a friend last night. 


She is not Jewish. 


Our relationship began as co-workers some 10 months ago when I started my new job, but over time, it has blossomed into a cherished friendship.


We talk about everything and support each other in our individual challenges and encourage one another’s personal growth.


I know that many of you reading this have been struggling of late to maintain some of your relationships with your non-Jewish friends, often feeling unsupported by their silence. It hurts.


But one thing to remember here is that no matter what, we need to keep talking, keep sharing our pain and keep educating the world because although they may not completely understand everything, many of them ARE listening. 


Nearing the end of my conversation last night with my friend, it turned to the unsanctioned, anti-Israel walk-outs scheduled to take place this afternoon at many High Schools across the Greater Toronto Area during 4th period classes. Her daughter’s school included.


My friend lives in an area of the city which is quite populated with people of Muslim faith; which they are not, but many of her daughter’s friends are. 


And although her friends may not be in support of the war, or representative of the purely evil Hamas terrorist group, they too are suffering in their own pain for the innocent Palestinian civilians and may believe that by walking out today with their peers they are showing their solidarity for them.


My friend’s daughter chose to stay home from school today after a very open and honest dialog with her mom; my cherished friend. 


She is 15 and has compassion for her friends but she is also extremely empathetic to the suffering that the Jewish people, both in Israel and around the world are going through right now and could not bring herself to go against her friends or the people of Israel. 


Had she gone to school today and walked out due to peer pressure from her friends or instead decided to take a stand for Israel by staying seated, there would be no winning for her. Being 15 is not easy and choosing to stay home from school today could not have been an easy decision either. I admire her strength and courage. To me she is not staying silent by any means. I heard her message loud and clear.


People ARE listening. 


#walkout #pureevil #Israel #proudtobejewish #highschool #peerpressure #strength #courage #keeptalking #peoplearelistening #mentalhealth #checkonyourfriends #peace #amyisraelchai #solidarity #standwithisrael #staysafeeveryone 

Yesterday when one of my girls arrived home mid day she noticed a large square shaped rock, almost like a brick, with a big blue dot painted on it laying on our porch step as she neared the walkway.


We’ve never seen this rock before which seemed to have been intentionally placed there.


If this had been 3 weeks ago or more, my mind would not have wandered to where it did. But being Jewish right now and witnessing the unspeakable horrors going on in Israel, along with the increasing escalation of hate crimes and antisemitism in our city, this suddenly felt personal and quite scary.


With our fears and anxiety mounting, Rich and I decided to take a walk around our neighborhood after dinner, particularly to our surrounding Jewish neighbour’s homes who face our house; all of whom have cameras (our home is actually on a corner lot so we had several options). 


Unfortunately we do not have cameras installed outside our home, but that is all about to change, as Rich ordered one immediately following the incident and we are just waiting for our Electrician son to come by to install it for us!


One of our kind neighbours immediately pulled up the footage from the day on his phone and we were able to see that there was a truck situated near our home in the late morning hours. We could tell it was some type of city truck but it was difficult to read the wording on it.


When we got back home I called our city’s emergency after hours hotline and explained the situation, hoping to put our minds at ease. The young man on the phone told me that even if it were city trucks out marking watermains or cleaning sewers they would not do so on a brick and then leave it on our steps.


That’s not what I needed to hear.


Blue is the standard colour code used for marking areas around sewers and watermains but are usually drawn as lines on the grass or with arrows pointing to a specific area near to the watermains or sewers. This was neither. Instead it was a big blue dot randomly placed on a rock which just so happens to also be the exact same colour blue that represents Israel.


We called the non-emergency police unit after my call to the city to once again try and put my mind at ease. They came to our home late last night. They told us that there was nothing they could do and asked us to report to them anytime if we witness any other suspicious behaviors or if we notice something happening in the moment so they can send out a patrol car and hopefully catch someone in the act. They also told us to get a camera installed as soon as possible. I only wish we’d had cameras outside our home yesterday as we could’ve had a direct view and not one that was blocked by a truck.


But either way and whether or not this was just an innocent misunderstanding by city workers (which we are still looking into) or if it was possibly an intimidation tactic on someone’s part, or my paranoia, the one thing we must all do right now is to stay super vigilant and alert of ours and our neighbour’s surroundings. 


And please remember, if you see something, say something no matter how big or small you may think it may seem.


Am Yisrael Chai

*Update…our city council reps did their own investigating after I’d written this blog and sent me a message. We also reported the incident to the Jewish Federation security.

#stayvigilant #scarytimes #Israel #blueandwhite #saysomething #city #antisemitism #intimidation #mentalhealth #amyisraelchai #proudjew #cameras #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #bricks #youarenotalone #youareenough #police #emergencyhotline

Today is being honoured as a “Global Day of Loving-Kindness”. 


I was quickly reminded this morning of a very famous quote by the one and only TV icon Mister Rogers, who once said; 


“Look for the helpers. You will always find people that are helping.” 


I know that many of us would certainly agree that we have been very fortunate to witness this firsthand over the past couple of weeks with the overwhelming amount of loving and kind people around the globe doing whatever they can to #standwithisrael with both their generosity and support.


Showing love and kindness towards others is a proven way to boost our spirit and morale and find some goodness during scary times in our lives. It can also give us a glimmer of hope when we #fighthatewithlove while in the throes of such uncertain times like the ones we are currently facing. 


It’s often easiest though for many to criticize others and focus in on all the evil and wrongdoings going on around us instead of looking at ways in which we too can change the world by becoming one of those incredible helpers ourselves.


Loving-Kindness is one of the greatest gifts we can bestow upon another human being and “no act of kindness, no matter how small is ever wasted.” ~ Aesop. 


So today, on this “Global Day of Loving-Kindness” let’s all find ways in which we can change the world with some Loving-Kindness. It doesn’t take much to “create a better world through kindness rather than violence.”


A smile to a stranger, a compliment to a loved one, a text to a friend letting them know we are thinking of them, a warm meal to a sick or elderly neighbour, a charitable donation if you are able or even a bag of old clothes or other items to a family in need can go a very, very long way. 


#fightinghatewithlove #globaldayoflovingkindness #bethehelper #bethechange #Israel #mentalhealth #loveandkindness #checkonyourfriends #kindnessisfree #youarenotalone #peace

My mental health has been in the toilet.  


It all came to a head the other night and my depression was winning the battle. 

The “why” doesn’t really matter now.


I felt completely lost and alone.

Depression still follows me everywhere I go. 


Some days may feel lighter than others, but when the hard days far outweigh the “good” ones, it’s really difficult to remember how a good day feels, especially of late.


Some may wonder, can a depressed person actually have a “good” day? Can they feel normal, at times?


For me, a “good” day may include feeling less of a burden to my loved ones. 


For me, a “good” day may find my mind somewhat quieter. 


For me, a “good” day I am able to count my blessings and know that I have many.


For me, a “good” day I feel like I’m less of a failure and instead proud of all that I have accomplished. 


For me, a “good” day I can get through a trigger without it taking a tremendous toll on my body. 

For me, a “good” day my heart truly believes that I am loved and needed.


For me, a “good” day doesn’t consist of constant thoughts of how much I hate myself. 


For me, a “good” day is laughing with friends and not having to fake it.


For me, a “good” day is when my thoughts aren’t completely consumed by guilt.


For me, a “good” day is when the easy things feel easy and the hard things don’t feel so hard.


For me, a “good” day feels like life can almost be worth living. 


Today I finally took a long, deep breath for the first time in days as Rich and I explored the beauty of the Fall season on a #summerofrich hike. It was a great distraction. I pushed myself through the pain I’m in today after I tripped and fell yesterday afternoon outside my office (like I need more pain 🙄) which has since left me feeling further bruised, battered, swollen, and unsure if I have possibly fractured my elbow 😵‍💫.

We all need to embrace the good days, or for someone like me, it’s more about learning how to embrace the good moments. 

Be gentle and kind to everyone, including yourself, for we are all battling something. 


#gooddays #inthemoment #begentle #bekind #weareallbattlingsomething #selfcare #selfcompassion #depression #youarenotalone #beauty #brucetrail #nature #hiking #mymedicine #youareenough #mentalhealth #breathe #battered #bruised #gogentleonyourself #suicideawareness #embracethemoments 

Is a gentle reminder…

To be mindful of each other.

To pay attention with intention.

To be aware of other people’s feelings.

To be in tune with your body and mind.

To embrace being imperfectly perfect.

To embrace others’ imperfections, too.

To practice selfcare.

To be loving to yourself and others.

To give yourself grace.

And to never, ever forget that kindness is free…

#kindnessisfree #selfcare #bemindful #imperfectlyperfect #agentlereminder @agentlereminderproject #youarenotalone #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #selflove #compassion #love #whattheworldneedsnow #youareenough

I’m not fine…


There, I said it. 


And I know you can too.


“I’m fine” is the most commonly told lie we tell both ourselves and others, especially when asked the simple and seemingly straightforward question, “How are you doing?”. 


I am not afraid to admit that life is feeling really, really hard right now for me, both mentally and physically, but if I’ve learned anything by now from my nearly 10 year battle with Treatment Resistant Depression, debilitating Anxiety and daily thoughts of Suicide it’s that it’s really more than okay to say the words out loud; “Actually, today I am not FINE.


When we answer someone with the words, “I’m fine”, and we are clearly not fine, what we are really expressing to them is that “less is more” and that “simplicity” is appreciated over “complexity”. Sometimes, though, it’s just not enough and that even if the truth hurts, the stigma hurts more.


If you are not F.I.N.E (Feelings I’m Not Expressing) right now, please know that you are not alone. We are all just human beings afterall and we shouldn’t have to run from our feelings or be afraid of them. When we find the strength to admit the words, “I’m not fine” aloud while we are in the most pain or in our darkest moments, you may truly be pleasantly surprised by just how many people will show up.


**A gentle reminder: Check on your friends and loved ones, even the strong ones, the busy ones, the happy ones, and the ones who seem “F.I.N.E”!**


*youareenough712.wordpress.com


#imfine #itsoktonotbeok #itsoktoaskforhelp #imnotok #youarenotalone #youareenough #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #checkonyourlovedones #startaconversation #endthestigmatogether #findyourtribe #feelingsimnotexpressing 

This picture of me hugging Jacob oh so tight showed up in my Facebook memories today. It brought tears to my eyes. 


It was taken 2 years ago today while standing outside of Toronto Pearson airport just before he departed on his very first trip to Israel to attend the wedding of his girlfriend’s sister who lives there. He has already been back twice more since then, including this past June.


Both Hannah and Rachel have also experienced their first trips to Israel since that picture was taken as well. I had the very same emotions when they departed too (see pics).

I shared a blog with you a few months back that I’d written and titled “Maybe One Day” while Rachel was in Israel this past Spring. She’d spent close to 2 months there on an organized youth trip for 10 days, followed by an internship program for credit towards her University Degree in Interior Design. 

I, myself have never been to Israel. The combination of a crippling fear of flying and an overwhelming anxiety since I was a young child about going to Israel due to everything I’d ever seen on the news or read about Israel, I scratched it off my bucket list years ago.

But having lived vicariously through my children’s travels to Israel over the past 2 years, and especially after seeing the glow in Rachel’s eyes and the huge smiles on her face, like I’d never seen before, with every picture she shared with us during her travels there in the Spring, Israel quickly became a place I wanted to see, maybe one day, too, with my very own eyes and experience firsthand what everyone has tried so hard to help me understand all these years. 

I began researching organizations who offer women’s trips to Israel. I was finally ready to feel that indescribable connection to my heritage firsthand, see its beautiful landscape and architecture, learn about its incredible history in real time, its religious importance, fascinating culture and people, delicious food and amazing shopping that I’ve always heard so much about. 

With everything going on in Israel right now, you are probably thinking that I’ve once again scratched this goal back off my bucket list, but I haven’t. Now may not be the time, but Israel will be waiting there for me when the time is right and I know in my heart that it will be even stronger and better than ever.


#Israel #Homeland #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #mentalwellness #maybeoneday #bucketlist #shabbatshalom #memories #myreasonswhy #travel #youareenough #fears #anxiety #United #standstrong 

I am not a religious person by any means, but I am a spiritual one. 


Shabbat gives us an opportunity to rest, rejuvenate and reconnect with both ourselves and our loved ones. 


I cannot remember the last time I lit the Shabbos candles, but tonight I felt an overwhelming urge to do so and thought it would be a perfect way to end a very difficult week by bridging a connection to my family and friends who are also suffering right now, but mostly I wanted to bring some love and light and peace to all my “brothers” and “sisters” in Israel. 


As I lit the candles tonight I recited the prayer for the State of Israel. 


Our prayers matter.


I would love for everyone reading this to please take a moment to recite the prayer with me because no matter which God or Spiritual Leader you turn to for comfort and guidance, it doesn’t really matter. What truly does matter is our prayers, staying connected with our loved ones and being united by human kindness.


“Our Father in Heaven, Rock and Redeemer of Israel, bless the State of Israel, the first manifestation of the approach of our redemption. Shield it with Your lovingkindness, envelop it in Your peace, and bestow Your light and truth upon its leaders, ministers and advisors, and grace them with Your good counsel. Strengthen the hands of those who defend our holy land, grant them deliverance, and adorn them in a mantle of victory. Draw our hearts together to revere and venerate Your name and to observe all the precepts of Your Torah and send us quickly the Messiah son of David, agent of Your vindication, to redeem those who await Your deliverance.” Amen


Am Yisrael Chai


#shabbatshalom #shabboscandles #peace #loveandlight #unity #humanity #kindness #connection #prayers #stateofisrael #candles #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #spirituality #rejuvenation #comfort #guidance

The world is feeling very dark right now.

So many of us are struggling with an overwhelming sense of grief and anger and sadness and fear and anxiety and helplessness in this time of uncertainty and horror, just trying to move through it in our own way. 

I wish we were able to let go of the guilt and judgment weighing heavily on our hearts for thinking that we must act or be a certain way and allow others to process their feelings in their own way too. 

But the overwhelming feelings of grief and anger and sadness and fear and anxiety and helplessness are too powerful. I get it.

So tonight, I am sending each and every one of you a virtual hug instead to let you know that you are not alone and that it’s ok to feel your feelings, even the joyful ones. 

I hope my hug is felt around the world and as I close my eyes tonight, that I will feel your warm embrace right back. 

I also wanted to share the sparkle of love and light luminating from my dangling evil eye earring (see pic) and pray that it helps you cultivate some inner peace and feeling of protection from all the uncertainty and horror in the world right now.

#evileye #virtualhug #protection #loveandlight #itsoktofeelyourfeelings #youarenotalone #youareenough #mentalhealth #takecareofyou #checkonyourlovedones 

Today, Oct 10th is World Mental Health Day.

“World Mental Health Day” is a day to talk about mental health and to show everyone that our mental health matters. Mental health is a universal human right and this year’s theme: Mental Health in an unequal world; Bridging disparities and inclusion seems more fitting than ever now. 

I’m at a loss and have been feeling very helpless and numb the last few days with what is going on in Israel since Saturday and it’s affecting my mental health greatly. I know I am not alone in my thoughts. 

There will never be justification for ANY innocent person to be tortured, raped, kidnapped or murdered. No human being in the world can ever justify terrorism. 

I have loved ones whose close family members live in Israel. I also have friends of mine, as do my kids, who are there at the moment too, living in fear. 

As I said earlier, I am at a loss right now and I feel completely helpless and numb. I’m writing this while at work today as I am unable to focus on much else. I am also feeling a great sense of guilt for not being able to join my children or friends at the peace rally that was held in our city last night because of my overwhelming fears and panic I have of being situated in large crowds.

The current events in Israel and Gaza are impacting people all over the world on many different levels. This morning Jacob arrived at his job site, a new condo development he is working at to find the walls smeared with swastikas and other hate intended graffitti against Jews. He informed his company right away as well as the development company to which this was targeted was also informed, and action was taken right away. #ifyouseesomethingsaysomething.

Please remember that it is ok not to be ok. I encourage anyone and everyone to ensure that you take care of your mental health, find ways to centre yourself, disconnect from your devices and media when needed and be sure to ask for help if you need to as well. You are not alone.

And also remember as well, that we are strong, we are united and we will prevail. 

#worldmentalhealthday #itsoktonotbeok #wewillprevail #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #Israel #itsoktoaskforhelp #youarenotalone #peace #strong #nojustification #united #solidarity #standtogether