Category: courage

Something From Nothing

When I first began teaching Preschool aged children many years ago (before I had my own kids) I began a collection of age appropriate books that I felt would be relevant to my own children one day, many of which I have kept to pass along to the next generation too. One such book is the award winning book adapted from a Jewish folktale called “Something From Nothing”.
Once my own kids were old enough I began reading it to them regularly and it never got old. The story begins with a proud grandfather making his new grandson Joseph a wonderful baby blanket “to keep him warm and cozy and chase away bad dreams.” As Joseph grows, his much loved baby blanket becomes “frazzled and torn” (much like my copy of this book) and his mom encourages Joseph to throw it away. Joseph would hear nothing of it and says to his mother proudly; “Grandpa can fix it!” And fix it he did, many many times as he grew. He transformed his blanket into a wonderful jacket, a wonderful vest, a wonderful tie, a wonderful handkerchief and finally with very little material left he made a wonderful button for him to hold up his suspenders with.
That was until one day when the button becomes lost and Joseph searches everywhere for it but can’t find it and Joseph had to come to the realization that even his amazing grandfather couldn’t make “Something From Nothing”.
But maybe there was hope after all because what Joseph learned that day was far more valuable than finding his wonderful button, it was that there still was something indeed that could be made from the material left behind which just so happened to be a wonderful story.
The message of love is abundant in this timeless tale and is such a touching story to see the special bond growing deeper and deeper between a boy and his grandfather. In the end Joseph realizes that it was never about a wonderful blanket or a wonderful coat or even a wonderful button but instead it was about making memories and being able to retell stories over and over again that came with each stage of his life.
It was about creating those memories with his loved ones and holding on to them because truly in the end it is all about the importance of using our imaginations and being able to share our memories with the people that matter the most, no matter how young or old. If we use our imaginations and create the ability to storytell then we will always be able to make “Something From Nothing”.
I learned this valuable lesson very recently when I shared a fun and engaging post on my Facebook page about all the collectibles many of us had in our childhood (like stickers and stationary and cabbage patch dolls). I no longer have any of my collectibles due to several unforeseen circumstances (another story for another time) and at first my fun and engaging post quickly turned my emotions to anger and sadness when others began sharing how they still had their childhood treasures but then I remembered that it wasn’t about the material things itself but more about our ability to create memories, use our imagination and to keep storytelling over and over again with each stage of our lives because that is the material left behind to make for any great story!

A Message To My Younger Self

As our kids get ready to embark on a new school year and whether or not it’s their first year of preschool or their last year of post-graduate education the unknown of what lies ahead can be scary for many of them.
Throughout my journey I have spent a HUGE amount of time reflecting on my childhood and young adult life as I continue to try and put my life back together. And although reflecting on my past is often a great detriment to my recovery I also see it as an important stepping stone to my future and my kid’s future’s as well.
When we look back on our childhood and young adult life many will smile with gratitude and ease while others may not but either way most of us will likely realize that what we dreamt of or have achieved since then was not exactly what we planned for. Maybe we always had the same values and interests but it came together with lots of twists and turns.
I know it’s definitely that way for me and I have so many new and different perspectives on life today than I did way back when I was 5 or even 35 and if I could turn back time for even just one day and be able to talk to my younger self I now have so many inciteful and valuable lessons to teach her, most of which could benefit both our children and youth today.
The first thing I would tell my younger self is to slow down. Don’t be in a rush to grow up so fast. Even when we hit a bump in the road it’s just a small piece of the journey ahead.
When you finally reach high school and beyond don’t worry about what others think of you, be who you want to be, quirks and all, embrace who you are because that will be your key to success one day. And remember it’s not the quantity of friends you have, it’s the quality.
Forgive yourself more often, this is of course one of the most important lessons I can take away from my younger self as I struggle daily with this now as I stand in front of my bathroom mirror every morning punishing myself, berating myself and hating myself, forgetting just how many people love me for who I am.
I would also like to undoubtedly tell my younger self as well to always remember to never be afraid to ask for help, to always remember to be kind to others, to always remember to choose a career or pathway that makes you happy, to always remember to follow your passions, to always remember to smile at others as often as you can because you never know what someone else may be going through, to always remember to make family a top priority, to always remember to compliment others and likewise to receive them with ease, to always remember that beauty comes from within and to never forget that words matter, that you matter and that no matter what #youareenough.

Starting Conversations

Taking a much needed break today on the water, spending time with good friends and some new friends too. Swimming, eating, drinking and chillaxing with a good book. This picture makes my heart so full. Important conversations are happening everywhere! #mentalwellness #selfcare #startaconversation #depression #moms #kidsmentalhealthmatters #youarenotalone #youmatter #itsoktonotbeok #bepresent #endthestigmatogether #wheredidmommyssmilego #summerofrich

What Does Your Best-Self Look Like?

Several months ago I mentioned a newly released bestseller called “Best Self; Be You Only Better” by Life Coach Mike Bayer who works closely with Dr. PHIL so of course I’m obsessed! It’s such an insightful book and I have found myself looking toward it for guidance in recent days as I am trying to fight off my Anti-Self more than ever before in order to become the most authentic and best version of me.
My Anti-Self which Mike talks at great length about in his book is the part of you that can easily become triggered. He tells you to own up to your Anti-Self by naming it which I have and can be summed up in one word: Depression. It’s the enemy that continuously lies to me and puts negative thoughts into my mind. It speaks to me during most of my waking hours and especially when I’m trying to sleep at night. Its unrelenting voice causes self-sabotaging behaviour, denial, hopelessness and worthlessness. It holds me back from being able to feel happy or at peace.
But I need to find my Best-Self in order to kick my Anti-Self in the butt. I need to find out who I really am, who I really want to be which is loving, fearless, joyful, strong and brave; someone who is at their core mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I need to figure out who I am meant to be as I turn the page to a new chapter right now and do so with great purpose.
Can you describe your best self. Can you describe the person that you deserve to be? What would he/she look like. Does your Best-Self have any Superpowers? I’d love to hear from you!
#drphil #mikebayer #antiself #bestself #beyouonlybetter #depression #anxiety #mentalillness #suicide #selfcare #selflove #ichooseme #youarenotalone #endthestigmatogether #youareenough #itsoktonotbeok #brave #courage #wheredidmommyssmilego
Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.

Simply Put, I’m Emotionally Overwhelmed

I’ve always tried to be as open and honest as I can with you by sharing my most intimate thoughts and feelings but as much as I do share, there is still so much that I don’t.
Most of what I tend to keep private involves my inner circle, including my husband, my kids and my extended family. It’s just not my place to share their stories even if they may often impact my own health and wellness, that is of course until I sign a big book deal one day for a New York Times Bestseller or maybe even a movie deal for a blockbuster hit and then, well, you know, all bets are off!
When this week began I probably would have told you that it was one of the top ten best weeks of my life, after all, I now had a published children’s book on Amazon! But literally within hours of it becoming a top ten contender, it quickly became one of the most difficult weeks ever and I feel like I’m gonna explode if I don’t let it all out.
I can’t handle life’s “little” ups and downs or bumps in the road at the best of times and lately I have been taking on way more than I can chew and have been dealing with way more than I can handle (both good and bad) and plain and simply, I’m emotionally overwhelmed.
Being emotionally overwhelmed is much more than just your average feeling of stress, it can be paralyzing and right now I feel like I’m drowning. I feel like a tidal wave has swept me under the water and I have no life vest on to save me. I’m experiencing so many negative emotions all at once like anger, fear, guilt and of course good ole fashion anxiety and panic and those can all be pretty scary feelings!
Life happens, shit happens and the older we get the more “life and shit” tend to happen and when it’s out of our control you can easily reach a point of total despair.
I think I’ve reached that point this week for sure. I wish I could turn back time to a few days ago when this week first began and I thought it was gonna be one of the best one’s yet, that was of course until my husband was suddenly and without warning let go from his job on Tuesday and before my mom was admitted into the hospital last night only for the doctors to tell my brother and I (and spouses) that she can no longer live on her own and will not be released until they find her a long term care facility that can accommodate her rapidly worsening symptoms of dementia (she’s 73).
They say bad things always happen in three’s and whether or not it’s just a superstition, until the clock strikes midnight tonight and a new week officially begins, I can be found standing in front of my bathroom mirror reading all the positive affirmations I wrote all over it the other day! (See blog I posted yesterday; Mirror Mirror On The Wall)

Mirror Mirror On The Wall

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL

It’s no secret that I need a good kick in the pants each morning when I look in the mirror (and several more times throughout the day) because what I see is most often a distortion of reality. What I see when I look in the mirror is worthlessness, failure and helplessness.

I know what you’re probably thinking, I can see your heads shaking in confusion; asking yourself; how could she see those things in the mirror after what she just accomplished? How could she think those things after she just fulfilled her dream of publishing a children’s book? How could she possibly feel this way? Well, simply put, it’s called Depression.

A great way to describe depression is not as a feeling of sadness which many believe to be true, but more as the inability to feel joy and then mix that with a heapful of anxiety and I am left too overwhelmed to live in the moment for long.

This week there may have been a moment of joy but it was abruptly and due to very unexpected circumstances turned into deep sadness and now both my husband and I are left in need of a good kick in the pants more than ever when looking in the mirror so I decided it was the perfect time to try an experiment that I had learned in therapy.

Last night before getting into bed I wrote all over our bathroom mirror (with a dry erase marker!). Surprise Rich! And as you can see from the picture attached, I wrote lots of positive affirmations; leaving very little room for any negative self-talk to reflect through and more room to create peace of mind and joy.

I’ve never really been much into science experiments before but it’s been proven to be an effective way to improve your self-critical way of thinking. These affirmations are messages to your subconscious which perpetuate your way of thinking and believing by reading them aloud repeatedly. I guess I will take it one mirror at a time!

What are some other positive affirmations you see in your reflection when looking in the mirror?

I’m An Author

It’s really happening! My book is now available on Amazon.ca.(Canada only). If outside of Canada please email me at kimfluxgold@gmail.com

Thank you for all your endless love and support. #dreamsdocometrue #goals #visions #reachforthestars #endthestigmatogether #youareenough #children #family #depression #anxiety #mentalillness #selfcare #ichooseme #mentalwellness #mentalhealth #youmatter #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok

A Strong Message About Youth Mental Health

First, I just wanted to start by saying a heartfelt thank you for all of the incredible outpouring of support I have received over the last day or so from everyone in regards to my new book. I am speechless! Yesterday my husband and I spent most of the day at a Youth Mental Health Fair which I mentioned to you earlier in the week where I got to promote my book and do some networking as well. It’s one of the most satisfying feelings in the world to give back and help support a good cause, especially one that is very near and dear to your heart.

As most of you are well aware, issues surrounding youth mental health today has been on a scary and steady rise over the last many years and sadly our mental health care support system has been on a very steady decline. I met so many amazing people yesterday, many of whom their lives have been deeply impacted by this steady decline and many of which have seen first hand that the stigma surrounding mental illness has not come as far as I had once hoped.

I listened to one heartbreaking story after another from relatives and friends and parents all of whom had lost someone they loved to suicide in their youth. One such story came from a young girl who lost 2 classmates to suicide and that the school administration told the students that they were not allowed to talk about the tragedies at school as it could have a triggering or copy cat effect on others. I was not necessarily shocked (okay I’m lying, I was jaw droppingly shocked), but I was also deeply saddened that instead of helping these students and their families cope and heal from these sudden losses they should just sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened.

I heard several other very similar stories, one in particular from a girl who wrote a beautiful poem for a school assignment after losing her cousin to suicide, earning her an A+, but upon wanting to share it with her peers at a school assembly she was shut down. And there was one story in particular that is etched in my mind. I met the parents of a boy who after years of suffering and feeling very let down by the healthcare system took his own life 5 years ago at the age of 17. His parents at one time during his journey were told by a psychiatrist that he was unable to help their son because he wasn’t “sick enough yet” and to bring him back when he got sicker. There truly are no words. Smh

I will remember yesterday, not by the books I sold but by the human connections I made, by the support I felt radiating in a room filled with strangers and by knowing that there are so many kindhearted people out there advocating for the change we so desperately need.

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy smartphone.

Mrs. Doubtfire’s Mask

This week marks the fifth Anniversary of Robin Williams’ suicide. For me and for so many others, that day is still very raw and is wholly etched in my memory forever. I have written several times about the impact his death had on me and the impact it had on our society as well. In these articles I have emphasized the importance of our words and the language that we use pertaining to suicide which can also make an impact on how we as a society help end the stigma surrounding Mental Illness. Moreover, in these same articles I have discussed how so many people battling a Mental Illness still need to wear their “mask” for protection too.

As you know, I chronicle my own personal journey quite openly and honestly and I rely mostly on Social Media to do so. Robin Williams’ did not necessarily choose to do so and that was his choice and so upon hearing the news of his sudden death by suicide without knowing through any media outlets in general that he had been battling with depression it made it seem that much more difficult for many to understand. I mean, he always “looked” so “happy”, he had a thriving career making the world laugh, he had lots of money, fame, a loving family and great success; he had it all so why would he end his life many still wonder.

What we saw was what was hidden behind Robin’s “mask” as with so many other celebrities who have taken their lives before him and following his death on August 11, 2014 did all too well too. A day where I myself had been alone, no one knowing my whereabouts and contemplating ending my own life as the news of his death broke. But like Robin and Kate and Anthony and so many others, celebrity or not, I have learned to master my mask without always realizing it.

As I mentioned above, I use Social Media to chronicle my journey and Facebook in particular has become a very important tool in doing so. I will admit that I love Facebook (yes I love Facebook) even though I don’t actually spend a lot of time each day on it scrolling through my feeds because I can be easily triggered. But it’s a safe place for me to write and express myself without having to be face to face with others. It has helped me build up a substantial network for many things including my blog, it allows me to keep up with daily news & entertainment and it connects me to old friends and so many of the new friends it’s allowed me to make.

So what’s my point you’re probably wondering? I get the impression some days that I am confusing many people and I don’t want to wear my “mask” anymore because it is suffocating me. People read or see many of my posts on Facebook (and Instagram too) and think “oh look how great, Kim is going out, she must be feeling better!!” The truth is I go out all the time and for the past five years since I began battling with depression and anxiety I have gotten up everyday and showered everyday as well (sometimes twice). I do what I can most days, when I can and with who I can and even if I am quite limited as to what daily activities I can and can’t do and with whom I can and can’t do them with I am doing them at my own pace and within my own boundaries.

I want to be able to show the world the many faces of Depression and Anxiety and that includes all the good stuff I do along with the hard stuff too. I want everyone to see that there are many sides of Depression and Anxiety but I want to also be able to do it without being judged and I most definitely want to do it without my mask on because no matter what I am doing, more often than not, I am still doing it while experiencing severe anxiety (and sometimes panic), chronic depression and on many days with suicidal ideations as well.

Creative Writing 101

Back in high school I took a creative writing course and at the time I just figured it would be an easy credit for me. As a final assignment I had to write and illustrate a children’s book and we even got to bind the book together ourselves with cardboard, construction paper, a protective covering and some glue! To this day I can’t remember the grade I actually got on it but I can tell you that it is probably the only assignment I really remember putting my full heart and sole into and it is most definitely the only one I still have with me today.

I guess there must’ve been good reason that I never let go of it. I mean, it was never published or even recognized beyond that classroom door but maybe I held onto it for another purpose. Maybe it had been nudging me for all these years from a dusty box in the basement to follow a dream I had since I was a young child when I would spend hours creating poetry and writing short stories and drawing and drawing some more. Maybe it was that high school creative writing class that allowed me to find the courage to start my blog and to go so far as to write and actually publish a children’s book. And maybe just maybe it’s a good thing that I dusted off that box in the basement and opened my heart and sole up to a lifelong dream, a dream that I can finally share with the world in less than 2 weeks!! #goals #dreams #highschooliskey #stayinschool #keepdreaming #create #writing #envision #memories #timmyandbecky #findingmypurpose #mentalillness #mentalhealth #youmatter #depression #anxiety #youareenough #courage #wheredidmommyssmilego