Author: Kim Fluxgold

*TRIGGER WARNING* 

On February 10, 2022 a young boy died by suicide. He hung himself from his bunk bed the evening before using his favourite hoodie. He had been a victim of bullying at his middle school. 

His name was Drayke Hardman and he was just 12 years old.

His story has since gone viral and for all the right reasons.  

Drayke has sadly become part of a very devastating and excruciating statistic but to those who loved him deeply (and boy was he ever loved) he was way more than just a number.

How can we as a society grow from Drayke’s story? How can we as teachers and educators help change the narrative? How can we as parents and caregivers stop this from happening to another child? How can we all do better?

Bullying of any kind is NEVER okay. We need to teach children kindness and empathy and we need to teach them that our words matter, especially the hurtful ones. 

I will not stop talking about suicide nor will I stop sharing the honest truths about suicide either.

Drayke’s story, along with millions of other desperate and frightened “Draykes” out there in the world need to be shared. They deserve it. 

Our youth are struggling more than ever before. Suicide among our young people has become a Pandemic within the Pandemic and difficult and often painful conversations need to be had with our kids. Never should we assume that our kid would never be bullied. Never should we assume that our kid would never become a bully themselves and never, ever should we assume that our kid would never take their own life.

Listen to your children, ask questions, watch closely for any noticeable changes in their behaviour. Stop dismissing their unusual behaviours as just a “phase” or a “teen thing”. Let them know they are not alone. 

Every child deserves to have their voice heard. Let Drayke’s story be the guiding light we so desperately need right now to help change the conversation. We need to do better. Our kids deserve better.

**This coming Wednesday just so happens to be the 15th Annual “Pink Shirt Day”. Let’s all make a promise to wear pink on Wednesday and stand united against bullying** RIP sweet Angel.

Kids Help Phone: 1.800.668.6868 or Text: 686868 

#weneedtodobetter #wecandobetter #doitfordrayke #sprinklekindness #startaconversation #suicideprevention #suicideawareness #ouryouthmatter #kindnessmatters #endthestigmatogether #ourkidsdeservebetter #bullyingisneverok #ourwordsmatter #itsoktonotbeok 

Everyone feels anxious about one thing or another at some point in their lives; a likely cause may be a combination of factors including your genetic makeup or environmental reasons.

Anxiety is a very complex disorder with many layers to it and what may trigger a person to become anxious or erupt into panic will differ depending on the events in their lives, their emotional state or their experiences at that particular moment in time but when you live with a severe anxiety disorder on a daily basis as I do, even the smallest of events, emotions or experiences can easily trigger me to have an anxiety attack or cause me to go into complete panic mode. 

Here are just some of the things that can easily cause me to have an instant Anxiety or Panic attack on any given day:

Posting a selfie.

Posting a Blog.

Sudden, loud noises.

Reading people’s facial expressions or body language. 

Making plans which involve me having to make decisions; making decisions, period. 

Overthinking. 

When my kids start a sentence with; I have to tell you something.

Running into people when I’m somewhere; anywhere for that matter.

Answering my phone when I’m not expecting a call.

Making a phone call, to anyone. 

Knowing I have to get out of bed in the morning before I am mentally able; just one of the many things that cause me to have very distressing and restless sleeps. 

Reading between the lines of a text message I’ve just received.

Sending a text message, to anyone. 

Walking into any public space, alone or in a group; doesn’t really matter.

Walking into a room where I see mess, disorder or lots of clutter; oh especially clutter. 

Dealing with a conflict or argument. 

Rude people. Mean people. 

Negative thoughts that I tell myself, often. 

Something throughout my day that may remind me of a bad memory or difficult event from my past.

And sometimes, actually more often than you may think, there is absolutely no underlying reason at all.

What is one thing that can trigger you to have an anxiety or panic attack that maybe someone who doesn’t suffer from them regularly may not realize could be so easily triggering?

#anxiety #panicattacks #triggers #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #daretobeyou #noapologies #nofilter #youarenotalone #selfies #itsoktonotbeok #beyou #outofmycomfortzone #educate #blogger #mentalhealthadvocate #spreadingawareness 

Today is “Random Acts of Kindness Day”.

One can never do wrong by showing kindness and there can never EVER be too much of it in the world.

Every act of kindness, whether big or small can brighten another person’s day and can mean the most to someone at just the right time.

So as you go about your busy lives today see just how many random acts of kindness you can include in your day.

Some examples may be: Give someone a compliment; maybe even a stranger. Reach out to someone just to let them know you are thinking of them. Offer to shovel a neighbour’s driveway who may need a helping hand (another snowstorm is on its way this afternoon!). If you are able, make a charitable donation anonymously or drop off a bag of old clothes at a local donation box.

“Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.” ~Princess Diana

#randomactsofkindnessday #kindnessmatters #bekind #bekindtoyourself #smileatastranger #bethereasonsomeonesmilestoday #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #compassion #brightensomeonesday #princessdiana

I wrote a blog about a year and a half ago when the world first took notice of Ye’s (formerly known as Kanye West) very erratic and unstable behaviour due to his Bipolar disorder.

A lot has changed since I wrote this blog. For one, there is a new President in the White House (thank goodness) and two, Kim and Kanye are now separated.

What hasn’t changed though is the way in which the media continues to exploit Ye’s illness as we watch his increasingly and very erratic, unstable behaviours play out in the public eye of late.

Whatever opinions or views we may have of Ye and/or the Kardashians we cannot forget one thing; that there are 4 innocent children stuck in the middle of all this along with a very distraught woman (a human being) who is trying desperately to protect herself and her kids from being further traumatized by a man who is in great need of medical intervention and unaccepting to it.

I wanted to repost my blog today to help those of you reading this who may not fully understand the heart-wrenching devastation that can come along with battling a very complex and very treatable mental disorder such as Bipolar.

Lets end the stigma together by supporting one another with kindness and empathy because you just never know what battles someone else may be facing.

And never forget that no matter who you are, it will never make you immune to mental illness. Mental illness does not discriminate.

https://youareenough712.wordpress.com/2020/07/26/keeping-up-with-kanye/

#bipolar #kanyewest #ye #kimkhardashian #keepingupwithkanye #kindnessmatters #empathy #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalwellness #itsoktonotbeok #youarenotalone #youareenough #mentalhealthadvocate #blogger #childrensbookauthor #wheredidmommyssmilego

He sees me for more than just what my illness has taken from me. He still loves me despite my flaws. He embraces me when I’m feeling anxious. He holds my hand when I am scared. He makes me laugh when I am sad. He reminds me of my worth. He listens to me when I’m feeling alone. He walks beside me when I lose my way.

I am truly blessed that he is mine; My funny Valentine.

Love, I mean real love, is unconditional. Real love is a choice. Real love takes work. Real love means trusting one another, communication, appreciation and mutual respect. Real love is never perfect. Sometimes you go through hard times together, maybe you weather some storms and disappointments along the way as well but I promise you that if you can get through the hard times, the storms and the disappointments together you will truly know what real love is.

Happy Valentine’s Day ❤

#myvalentine #bemine #happyvalentinesday #mybeloved  #iloveyoutothemoonandback #foreverandaday #blessed #funnylittlevalentine #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #weatherthestorm #reallove

Today is Galentine’s Day; which takes place on the day before Valentine’s Day (ya ya I know, it’s also Super Bowl Sunday. Yippee. Go team?! ~ insert sarcasm here ~). 

Galentine’s Day is a day for women to come together and celebrate friendship. This pseudo made up holiday was first invented back in 2010 by the creative team of writers on the hit TV series Parks and Recreation and has since gained international attention and popularity and been embraced by women everywhere.

Friendship should never feel complicated. 

Filters should never be needed.

Scores should never be kept. 

Our past grievances should never be held against us.

Friends should let you walk in the front door just as you are.

Friends should always make room at the table for one more.

Friends should want to see you happy. 

Friends should want to listen, not silence you.

Friends should want to see you thrive.

Friends should make you laugh even through the tears. 

Friends should FIGHT for you, RESPECT you, INCLUDE you, ENCOURAGE you, NEED you, DESERVE you and STAND by you (acronym for F.R.I.E.N.D.S) even when life gets messy sometimes; and God knows it sure does.

Breaking up with a friend is hard and there is a grieving process that comes along with it; a very painful one at that but over the past few years (even prior to Covid) and as part of my healing process I’ve needed to let go of friendships that weren’t serving me well or their intentions were wrong. I’ve since learned that sometimes some people are just not good for me no matter how much I love or care about them. I’ve also come to the realization that the only people I deserve in my life are the ones that need me in theirs even when I have nothing else to offer them but myself. 

And from speaking to so many people, especially over the past two years, I know that I am not alone. Friendship breakups have sadly become all too commonplace for many people since the start of the Pandemic. The Pandemic has really made so many of us super vigilant as to the kind of people we want in our lives. Covid-19 has shined a light on the true colours of so many and trust me, when people show you who they really are you not only believe them but you begin to quickly re-evaluate many of your priorities and values too.

I will no longer squeeze myself into places I dont fit or force myself to sit at a table with people and pretend I am someone who they prefer I to be or want me to be. I will no longer share a cup of coffee (not that I even drink coffee but you get the idea) with people who I know that as soon as I walk away the gossip and judgement begins. 

I deserve people in my life who are in it for the long haul. We all do.

No judgement, nor hurtful words. No endless gossip behind your back. Friendships should be as real to your face as they are loyal behind your back.

Cherish those who lift you up not those who bring you down and be the one who always makes room at the table for one more.

Happy Galentine’s Day to all the “Gals” out there who are blessed like me to be able to celebrate the meaning of true, authentic, everlasting friendships today, tomorrow and every day in between. 

Tag a special “Gal” or “Gals” in your life who you know that no matter what, they will always have a seat at their table for you.

#galentinesday #celebratefriendship #makeroomatyourtableforonemore #gals #friends #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #friendship #blessed #youarenotalone #youareenough #womencelebratingwomen #selfcare

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner I thought it’d be the perfect time to explore our “Love Language” (it can apply to non-romantic relationships as well).

According to Dr. Gary Chapman who developed the concept of “Love Languages”, each of us express and receive love in different ways. 

There are five types of Love Languages (LL) in all. 

Words of Affirmation: In this LL, people value verbal acknowledgements of affection most often. Hearing the words “I love you” frequently spoken, being offered regular compliments, verbal encouragement, words of appreciation, text messages or conversation on social media will fill this individual’s love tank best. 

Quality Time: An individual whose LL is “Quality Time” feels most adored when they are spending time just hanging out with someone special so long as their attention is directly on them and they are made to feel as though they are the priority. This may include having regular eye contact, actively listening, engaging in meaningful conversations and being “present” in the moment. 

Receiving Gifts: This one is pretty straightforward however it’s not about the price tag attached to the gift but instead it’s about what the gift symbolizes, its emotional attachment and the effort that was put into finding that perfect gift which has both meaning to them and reflects upon their values.

Acts of Service: When someone’s LL is this, a person feels most valued when their partner or loved one goes out of their way to show them how appreciated they are by performing random acts of kindness for them and trying to make their life easier. This may include doing the dishes after supper, taking out the trash without being told or making you a cup of coffee in the morning. Their motto is always “actions speak louder than words!”

Physical Touch: Physical touch and intimacy is very important to a person whose LL falls into this category. Touch in many different forms can be very powerful and create an even deeper emotional connection with their partner. They place great value on the warmth and comfort that comes from a hug, a kiss or a cuddle on the couch.

Once you figure out which “Love Language” you most relate to make sure to share it with others and vice versa. Having an open and honest dialogue about your needs and wants can definitely help strengthen some relationships and bring about deeper connections with your loved ones and it may even avoid you having a box of heart shaped chocolates thrown at your head next time 😁.

Which “Love Language” (LL) are you?

*To learn more about our love languages check out the book “The Five Love Languages”, by Gary Chapman*

#lovelanguages #physicaltouch #affirmations #gifts #actsofservice #qualitytime #deeperconnection #relationships #mentalhealth #mentalwellness

This week is Children’s Mental Health Week (Feb. 7 to 13, 2022). Its main focus is meant to highlight the importance of mental health for our young people. 

The theme this year is “Growing Together”.

Our children’s mental health has suffered immensely over the past two years at the hands of the Pandemic.

As life slowly begins to resume back to a near normal state we as a society now more than ever need to encourage self-awareness in our kids and allow them a safe space to be able to articulate and share their thoughts and feelings on their mental health.

“Growing Together” means helping our children understand that their voices deserve to be heard too. It is up to us to give them the courage to speak up when they are struggling and to never feel afraid to do so.

Take some time this week to talk to a child about the ways they feel they have grown over the past two years, create lists, make pictures, hang them around the house or place them in jar; share them with friends; make it fun and then do it all over again by asking them how they can also help others to grow as well. 

Let’s all “grow together” by supporting one another. 

#childrensmentalhealth #childrensmentalhealthweek #ouryouthmatter #growingtogether #selfcare #selfawareness #kindness #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #strongertogether 

I haven’t stopped obsessing over the new Netflix Documentary “Tinder Swindler” since I watched it over the weekend after a friend highly recommended it to me (it’s since broken records for claiming the number one spot globally, which no Documentary has ever done before). 

I’ve passed on the recommendation to many others, many of whom have become as equally obsessed as I have. 

I myself have never used a dating app in my life. They didn’t exist the last time I dated over 30 years ago but I have had the pleasure of witnessing several single friends of mine over the years find their forever person using these apps but sadly there have been many more who have been left in tears from the disappointment and frustration that can come from trying to wean out all the fakes, liars and scammers that flock to these sites to prey on the lives of lonely, vulnerable people.

I can only ever empathize with people who have fallen victim to the fraudsters out there on the World Wide Web whether it be through a catfishing scheme I’ve seen on TV or read about or ones like the elaborate romance scam that took place in the Documentary “Tinder Swindler”. 

The Documentary focuses on Shimon Hayut (who has many other aliases including Simon which is the name he most goes by). He is an Israeli native who began luring women into his life several years ago through Tinder. He tricked his victims into believing he was a very wealthy man (billionaire actually), which he wasn’t. Instead he created a web of lies while gaining the trust of innocent women from all over Europe by taking them on extravagant and lavish dates all over the world.

These women wanted nothing more than to fall in love. He manipulated them into believing he loved them, wanting to marry them and one day have his children but meanwhile all he was doing was manipulating them into giving their life savings to him (promising to pay them back) in order to save him from his “enemies” in the diamond industry who were supposedly trying to hurt him (and he even went so far as to send them photos of his bodyguard with a bloody head) and then used their money to woo his next victim. 

Many people watching this unfold on their TV screens were thinking “how could these women be so naive or dumb?” while many others have since taken to social media to troll and shame these women for falling into his prey.

It’s so easy for us to sit and judge others as we watch from the sidelines and victim shame but we lose our focus and forget just how much courage and strength it must’ve taken for these women to come forward (there are 3 victims featured in the film) and share both their reality and horror with the world that took place at the hands of this scumbag narcissist who threatened them when they stopped sending money.

I think the biggest problem with victim shaming is denial. People looking on want so badly to believe that they would NEVER fall victim to these types of crimes. We see it all the time in cases of sexual and domestic violence as well. Asking a victim of sexual abuse why it took them so long to come forward or questioning why a person doesn’t just pack their bags and leave their abusive partner. It’s not always that easy and only makes it harder for the next innocent person to come forward.

We need to encourage victims (aka survivors) of all types of domestic, sexual and romance crimes to know that it’s not their fault and we need to remember that compassion, empathy and kindness towards others goes a whole lot further than blaming and shaming ever will.

*If you haven’t watched “Tinder Swindler” yet, don’t miss out! Go grab a bowl of popcorn and join in on this very important conversation. 

#tinderswindler #ponzischemes #catfishing #onlinedating #domesticviolence #sexualabuse #kindnessmatters #victimshaming #mentalhealth #mentalwellness #narcissism #netflix #documentaries 

Eight years ago this week I had two minor surgerical procedures done. I’ll spare you the details and just share with you that it was for a “lady” issue.

I was the perfect candidate for both procedures as I was in my early 40’s and done having children. 

It was honestly lifesaving. 

Two short months later though on April 4, 2014 I experienced a mental breakdown for the FIRST time ever in my life and well, you all kinda know the journey it’s taken me on ever since.

As mentioned in a recent Blog I wrote titled “The Pathway to Purpose”:  https://youareenough712.wordpress.com/2022/01/28/the-pathway-to-purpose/, I’ve spent a lot of time over the last (almost) 8 years now questioning whether or not I could’ve somehow stopped the onset of my illness from happening. Was there something I could’ve done differently? 

I’ve even reached so far as to wonder if those two minor surgerical procedures a couple of months prior somehow jolted a sudden surge of hormonal imbalance in my body. I could be grasping at straws here, and although it’s highly unlikely to be the root cause of my mental illness, I’m not gonna lie because it often lingers in the back of my mind; that, along with the great debate (nature vs nurture) as to whether or not it’s our genetic makeup or our environmental factors that have a greater impact on our behavior. 

The debate has been on going for centuries. Freud himself spent much of his career weighing in on the conversation during his many years of extensive research on our human development, behaviour and personality. 

Nature is defined as “genetics, hormones and traits that affect human behaviour, physical appearance and even diseases.” Whereas Nurture is defined as “environmental factors, childhood experiences, social relationships, upbringing, culture and experience that influence a person.”

According to both definitions along with my own personal experiences, my genetic makeup of having a parent who battled depression for most of my life and now in my more recent years of extensive and indepth therapy that has taken a microscopic look back into my childhood and upbringing, I have a much clearer understanding that I was quite likely predisposed to Depression long before that procedure in February, 2014 ever took place and that human development and a combination of our genes quite possibly depends on both nature and nurture happening at the same time when it comes to the many complexities and factors surrounding the development of several types of mental illness.

#naturevsnature #mentalillness #freud #hormonalimbalance #genetics #geneticmakeup #humanbehaviour #predisposed #depression #anxiety #mentalhealth #itsoktonotbeok #youareenough #yourmentalhealthmatters