Wife, mom of 3 beautiful children, dog lover, creative sole and children's book Author. Sharing my journey with depression and anxiety through blogging in hopes of educating and ending the stigma.
A sweltering but beautiful #summerofrich adventure/birthday weekend hike today with friends. Our hikes always feel more meaningful when friends tag along ❤️.
We hiked 10km in the heat and humidity, and pushed through some difficult terrain and uphill climbs but we took our time to rest, kept hydrated and fueled at each new spot we approached along the trail; and captured all of its beauty and essence surrounding us.
There is truly nothing more exhilarating than pushing yourself through to the finish line of a difficult hike. The endorphin rush you feel afterwards is your body and mind’s way of patting you on the back and saying, “good job, you did it!”
“When everything feels like an uphill battle, just think of the view from the top.” ~ unknown
Please continue to follow our #summerofrich adventures @ youareenough712.wordpress.com
I just wanted to take a moment to say a gigantic and heartfelt thank you to everyone who sent messages, called or texted me yesterday for my birthday. I appreciate you all. Xoxo
I’m officially 52 now.
As I mentioned in a recent Blog, I’ve been having a really difficult time processing this birthday and it’s not even a big one.
Feeling so hopeless, frustrated and helpless by this point in my very tiresome journey have definitely been contributing factors.
But if you are someone who believes in the symbolism of numbers then I should be feeling pretty hopeful about the year ahead because according to Numerology (the study and meaning of numbers), the number 52 is a pretty darn powerful one.
We all know that there are 52 cards in a deck and 52 weeks in a year but did you also know that the number 52 carries with it, the “vibrations” of new beginnings, good luck (boy do I ever need some of that), good fortune, spiritual enlightment, adventure, inner guidance & intuition, harmony, balance and something new on the horizon.
It is said that when you combine the numbers 5 and 2 together it creates a whole new energy; an energy, that is, of positive change.
Could someone be trying to tell me something? And if so, just know that I am listening.
Today, being the Summer Solstice it is believed to hold the greatest energy, prosperity, vibrancy and strength within us and is also an important reminder to nurture ourselves, just as the sun nurtures us and to allow the light within us to spread hope and inspiration to someone else’s darkness.
I hope that no matter where you are in the world today that you were able to feel a ray of sunlight within you.
And just like that Rachel is home, safe and sound after 7 magical weeks in Israel.
During her time away, she strengthened bonds between old friends, created many new ones, reached outside her comfort zone, learned new life skills, gained more insight into her culture’s history and religious importance and most of all she made memories to last a lifetime.
And now, she’s got two whole days at home to catch up on some sleep, do her laundry and repack her belongings before leaving again Wednesday morning to camp, her other home, for the remainder of the summer.
“Fill your life with experiences, not things. Have stories to tell, not stuff to show.” ~ unknown
A very triumphant and rewarding #summerofrich hike today.
Silver Creek Conservation Park to Scotsdale Farm and back. 12km of very difficult terrain and so much calm.
Take the time this weekend to do what you love to do and spend time with the people you love. May this weekend help to boost your energy and rejuvenate your soul for the week ahead.
I didn’t sleep last night and the physical symptoms I’ve been experiencing for more than a year now were keeping me awake. My racing thoughts took a very dark turn.
I spiraled fast, convincing myself that the symptoms I was experiencing at 2 AM were far worse than what a “normal” day looks like for me; and Dr. Google agreed!
Before leaving for work this morning, emotionally exhausted and with a horrible headache, I fell into the comfort of Rich’s warm embrace, sobbing. The overwhelm of life in general right now became too much to handle and I needed a release.
I think part of my overwhelm of life right now stems from my upcoming birthday next week. Age has never really been a thing for me. Turning 40 was no big deal. Neither was 50 in the grand scheme of my life, but as 52 quickly approaches, suddenly age feels different and scary. I’m reminded how shortly after my mother turned 52 (25 years ago) and just weeks after becoming a grandmother (Bubbie) for the first time, she suffered a near fatal heart attack which led to an emergency triple bypass within hours. She was quite young considering.
I’m struggling with the thought of turning 52 to the point where maybe I’m looking too deep into signs which my own health mimics that of my mother’s at that same age.
As someone who lives with daily suicidal ideations I can tell you how scary and messy and exhausting it is to always feel like you don’t want to be here anymore, but at the same time, too afraid to die.
Our #summerofrich trails led us through a tunnel today.
The tunnel felt metaphoric.
I stopped for a moment to take a picture before entering.
I observe my reality from a distance.
I see the light at the end of the tunnel.
It feels like a trap though.
My emotions get in the way.
I immediately go into fight or flight mode.
Anxiety narrows my vision once again; somedays it’s completely blinding.
I feel stuck inside.
I want so much to feel more in the here and now.
These #summerofrich moments remind me how important it is to look around and not to focus solely on what lies ahead.
Being in the moment can feel way more empowering and a whole lot less scary anyways because you never really know if that light you are seeing ahead of you at the end of the tunnel is just the light from an oncoming train.
I have always been petrified (and I mean PETRIFIED) of traveling to Israel; and it’s not only because I am also beyond petrified of flying and the thought of being on a plane for that many hours is enough to send me orbiting into a full on panic attack just writing this.
Everyone I know who has ever travelled to Israel or lived there for any period of time, including Rich when he was in his early 20’s has always tried to tell me; Kim, I promise you, it is so different once you are there, from the moment you step foot off the plane you feel this indescribable connection to your heritage, but still, from the time I was a young child everything I have ever seen on the news or read in the papers (or online) about Israel has instilled this great fear in me.
Does this make me a bad Jew?
Jacob is in Israel right now for 2 weeks (his third time in 2 years) on the first leg of his travels this summer. Rachel has been there for the past 6 weeks on an organized youth trip for 10 days, followed by an internship program and last May, Hannah also spent a few weeks there as well. And believe it or not, as much as I am a nervous, anxious wreck with each one of their departures (including their plane rides) and time spent in Israel, I am also very grateful that they have all been afforded the opportunity to visit their Homeland and that my own fears of flying or going to Israel has never been a deterrent for any one of them in any which way.
Having now lived vicariously through my children’s travels to Israel I have really begun to see Israel for what I wish I could have seen all those years ago. I see it not as a place to be feared but as a place filled with beautiful landscape and architecture, incredible history, religious importance, fascinating culture and people, delicious food, amazing shopping and of course, a very fun nightlife…oh and I can’t forget its insane hiking excursions.
Israel has now become a place I would like to see one day too, with my very own eyes and experience first hand what everyone has tried so hard to help me understand.
I have been totally enamoured by these two photos of Rachel which were taken yesterday afternoon at the Tel Aviv Pride festivities. There is a glow about her like I’ve never seen before. I can see it in her eyes, in her smile. She exudes confidence and pride. They are the purest expression of joy and contentment. Feelings I yearn for in my own life.
My illness never takes a break from me. I really wish it would just take a much needed, long overdue holiday already, or better yet, I wish it would buy itself a one way ticket to hell where it belongs.
Today I’ve been especially off. If you ask me why though, I can’t really give you a straight answer or pinpoint one particular thing.
I woke up this morning with a splitting headache (not out of the ordinary for me), took a pain killer and off I went to work, exhausted and extremely anxious. My headache began to settle itself shortly after I got to work but still, I couldn’t settle in, my level of concentration was as poor as the air quality looming over us in Toronto today due to the wildfires happening in Quebec right now. I began having some very intrusive thoughts. I sat still for some time, staring blankly at my computer screen before becoming completely overwhelmed with emotion.
I felt panicked and then, then came the tears.
Lucky for me I work with a lovely group of compassionate ladies who stopped at nothing to distract me, letting me know that I’m not alone and making me laugh at their dry sense of humour.
Working alongside these ladies every day (and some who I don’t see as often as I’d like to) for 6 months now has created several close emotional and professional bonds in the office for me.
They have become my “Work Wives” persay, where high levels of disclosure and support go hand in hand; and where we feel safe to vent our mutual frustrations (usually with upper management), where we help each other out when we’re feeling overwhelmed, where we ensure there is plenty of caffeine and candy on hand, where we compliment each other’s strengths and weaknesses in order to make us a better team and where we feel comfortable enough to call each other out on our nonsense.
Going back to work full-time after so many years has, (believe it or not) been one of the hardest things I have done along my journey (trust me, those closest to me believe it since they have to listen to me rant about it all the time!). My job has actually added a whole other level of stress to my life and one of the hardest tasks for me is that I have an extremely difficult time leaving my empathic ways and work stressors from work at work at the end of the day so, yes I am very grateful to have my work “Wives” beside me every day to share in this very unique level of friendship that is often filled with secret languages, plenty of eye rolling and lots and lots of raised eyebrows!
YouAreEnough 
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