Author: Kim Fluxgold

Most mornings, getting out the door for me takes more strength than people may ever realize. But even through the exhaustion and anxiety, somehow, I show up.

Since starting my new job this past spring, my morning routine usually includes a quick stop at the Tim Hortons near my office. At first, I dreaded that it didn’t have a drive-thru—going inside felt like one more thing for me to manage. But within a couple of weeks, that feeling shifted. A young man behind the counter began noticing me in line, and now, before I even reach the register, he’s got my order ready, whether he’s serving me or not.

It’s a small gesture, yet it’s become such a meaningful part of my day. He shows up with a smile and genuine heart, the kind of presence that makes you feel seen. Honestly, I feel his absence on the days he isn’t there.

Today, I gave him a small token of appreciation to say thank you. It felt important to acknowledge someone who clearly takes pride in his work and in making others feel valued. He was very humbled by my gesture when I told him what he does for me and for so many others—truly matters.

This was more than a thank you. It was a reminder of how important it is to notice one another. We never really know what someone else is carrying, and a moment of kindness might be what helps them get through their day.

I’m deeply grateful for the people who hold space for others without even realizing it. In a world where so many of us are rushing, overwhelmed, and carrying invisible weight, those small moments of recognition matter more than we know. Kindness doesn’t have to be grand to be powerful.

Throughout this holiday season and beyond, may we all remember the impact we can have when we lead with warmth, intention, and humanity—even in the smallest moments.

#kindnessisfree #kindnessmatters #youmatter #appreciation #gratitude #moments #thankyou #smallgestures #holdingspace #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #youareenough @timhortons

I’m in survival mode right now.

The kind where you’re still showing up, but barely breathing. The kind where exhaustion doesn’t lift with sleep, because the weight you’re carrying never actually leaves your body.

I feel like I’m drowning. And there’s no life preserver in sight.

It feels like my entire life is imploding all at once—a slow collapse made up of too many things piling on top of each other. When everything feels urgent, it becomes impossible to know where to begin.

It’s too much.

I’ve had a headache for a week straight. A constant reminder of how tightly my body is holding everything in. Stress always finds a physical place to land when the mind is already overloaded. This is where mine decided to settle.

I’m trying, really trying, to keep my thoughts from wandering to places they don’t need to go. When you’re this depleted, staying present can feel like a full-time job. That’s why today, I took a mental health day.

Not as a luxury. Not as avoidance. But as an act of survival and self-preservation.

There’s still a lot waiting for me. None of it will magically disappear because I paused. But for today, I gave myself permission to stop pushing, to stop pretending I’m okay when I’m not, and to acknowledge that carrying this much is hard.

Sometimes survival mode doesn’t look brave or inspiring. Sometimes it looks like rest. Sometimes it looks like admitting you’re not fine. Sometimes it looks like choosing not to break, just for today.

And surviving still counts. Even when it doesn’t feel like enough, it is.

#mentalhealthday #survivalmode #anxiety #depression #enough #toomuch #imnotok #ichooseme #exhaustion #physicalhealth #mentalhealth #wellbeing #depleted #youareenough #rest #itsoktonotbeok

Six years ago today, I was sitting under the studio lights at Global TV’s The Morning Show, sharing a piece of my journey and my newly published children’s book, Where Did Mommy’s Smile Go?, alongside a child psychiatrist on their live segment, “Parenting Playbook.”

And six years later, when that memory pops up on my Facebook page, it still hits me exactly the same way.

I remember what it took for me to show up.

I remember how terrified I was.

I remember the heaviness I carried—the self-doubt, the fear, the anxiety, the butterflies, the pride, the disbelief, the overwhelm, and that quiet little voice inside me whispering, “You’ve got this.”

I still pinch myself today.

Because it still reminds me of what I’m capable of. That moment remains one of my proudest accomplishments—not because I was on TV, but because of what it symbolized. It represented choosing courage over fear. Purpose over silence. Showing up for myself even when it felt impossible.

Six years later, I’m still healing.

Still filled with self-doubt.

Still vulnerable.

Still speaking my truth.

Still trusting that my story matters.

Stepping into the unknown with my whole heart on display will always be proof that I can do hard things—

even when I’m not okay,

even when it hurts,

even when I’m exhausted,

even when I’m scared,

even when I’m still healing.

#globaltv #themorningshow #facebookmemories #selfdoubt #proudestaccomplishment #speakingmytruth #youmatter #youareenough #mentalhealth #author #childrensbook #wheredidmommyssmilego 

I’ve spent the whole last week trying to be strong. Trying to hold it together. Showing up. Pushing through every obstacle and every challenge faced. Doing all the things we do when life gets heavy and we convince ourselves that we aren’t allowed to fall apart.

But this weekend got the best of me. It was too much—the kind of “too much” that quietly piles up until suddenly, you break. And tonight… I broke.

It wasn’t one moment, just a slow accumulation of a difficult, emotional week. So much holding my breath until I found myself in tears, letting my guard down.

Truth is, it felt like a relief.

You can only hold yourself together for so long before something inside you whispers that it’s time to let go. So I did.

The release was necessary. Finally taking the first deep breath I’ve had all week. The anxiety felt insurmountable.

Tonight I am reminded that strength isn’t just about keeping it all together. Sometimes it’s found in the exact moment you let the tears fall, and allow yourself to feel everything you’ve been trying to push aside.

It wasn’t pretty. But it was pretty needed.

And in that release, I found the smallest bit of space to breathe again. We all deserve that breath of fresh air, right?

#release #tears #breathe #strength #mentalhealth #wellbeing #itsoktonotbeok #youareenough

I’ve had a really horrible week… too much happening all at once personally, and it’s been heavy.

It’s been seven months since starting my new job—though I guess it’s not so new anymore. Something about that realization made me pause yesterday in the middle of all the messiness. For the first time, I felt ready to make my workspace feel… well, mine. Warm. Welcoming. A place where I don’t feel like I’m just passing through, but somewhere I’m beginning to truly belong.

For two and a half years before this, I went to work every day with a knot in my stomach. I was anxious, scared, and constantly bracing myself in an environment so toxic that, near the end, I cried every day—on my way there, on my way home—and then lay awake at night hoping morning wouldn’t come, because I couldn’t imagine facing another day. I felt trapped. I walked on eggshells from the minute I stepped inside. And even though I made some beautiful, lifelong friendships, I always had one foot out the door. I could never settle. Maybe I couldn’t feel settled under that kind of chaos and duress. I never allowed myself to create a space to breathe, to exhale, to simply exist. So when the chance to leave came, I didn’t just walk—I ran.

Yesterday, I hung a few pictures beside my desk. Photos of my family. Such a small gesture, yet it felt like laying down a welcome mat at a home I didn’t know I was allowed to claim. Both feet fully planted. A quiet reminder that I’m a survivor—and that I’m in a place where I can stay, grow, and maybe even flourish in the comfort of feeling valued and appreciated. I’m slowly beginning to believe I’m worthy of that.

Shabbat Shalom. 💙

#pictures #smallgestures #growth #pause #breathe #exhale #imasurvivor #suicidalideations #youareenough #validation #belonging #appreciation #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression

Did you know the average human has about 70,000 thoughts per day? Most of them random, fleeting, and completely outside of our control. For someone living with depression and anxiety, that number hits differently. When your inner narrative is built from negative self-talk, you can only imagine what more than half of those thoughts truly sound like.

My thoughts don’t just drift — they spiral. They race. They latch onto the dark side faster than I can catch them. Earlier this week, I found myself spiraling into that familiar mental space, and I haven’t been able to climb out of it. I feel powerless to stop it.

My people try to help. They point out the bright spots, the positives, the things I should hold onto. And I appreciate it — I really do — but when your own mind is working against you, logic doesn’t always win. Most often the negative self-talk is louder… and pretty relentless.

Living in a mind that feels like a prison is exhausting. It drains you. It’s hard. It’s lonely. And yet, talking about it and naming it somehow loosens its grip, even just a little.

But even in this heavy place, I’m trying to hold onto something small. The belief that this moment isn’t permanent. Like most. Thoughts change. Feelings shift. Light finds its way through, even in the tightest spaces.

So I’m giving myself permission to take it one breath, one hour, one day at a time. And if you’re walking through something similar, I hope you give yourself that same gentleness because we’re not broken — we’re just human.

#prisonerofourminds #anxiety #depression #permission #negativeselftalk #youareenough #seventythousandthoughts #darkness #spiraling #positivethoughts #exhaustion

The other night I took to social media to help me decide which new phone to get. It was time to retire my 5-year-old Samsung 20 FE. It was on its last legs, and before it decided to quit on me completely and take my entire digital life with it, I really needed to pick a new phone.

The problem? I am terrible with change, terrible with making decisions, and extremely indecisive. 🙃

My kids continually try to convince me to join the iPhone cult — and yes, the idea of finally being able to FaceTime them is tempting — but I’ve always been an Android girl at heart.

And with all the amazing Black Friday deals, I couldn’t procrastinate any longer. Soooo…I did what any normal person would do and took a poll on Facebook.

All I really wanted was a phone that won’t give me anxiety. 😂 Like that’s even possible!
To be honest… I still miss my BlackBerry!!


And so… the winner is… the Google Pixel 10 (sorry, iPhone friends and family 😌). The anxiety of choosing a new phone is starting to ease – look at me, embracing change 😁.

Here’s to fresh starts, cute cases, and savouring the little things that make life feel lighter and a bit more me.

Speaking of little things, I made myself a case for my new phone with the affirmation “you are enough”, replacing my previous one which was lovingly gifted to me for my 50th birthday several years ago by someone very special. It’s been my mantra for the last ten years and continues to speak to me every day.

Soft, simple, and full of the energy I want to carry everywhere. It nudges me with a smile each time I pick up my phone—a gentle reminder to breathe, believe, and remember: I’ve got this.

#newphone #google #change #pixel10 #mentalhealth #youareenough #affirmations  #mantra #agentlereminder #breathe #youvegotthis

There’s a kind of grief that feels different from what we usually imagine grief to be. It’s the grief of losing someone who is still alive yet emotionally unavailable to you in all the ways that matter most. It’s mourning a person who keeps choosing their own comfort over real connection.

Accepting that they may never offer the apology, accountability, or empathy you deserve is its own heartbreak. You grieve the version of them you needed, the one you kept hoping would appear if you just tried harder or stayed a little quieter.

The hardest part is realizing they’d rather lose the relationship than face what they’ve done. That says nothing about your worth — only about their limits. Some people can’t confront their own behaviour because it threatens the story they need to believe about themselves. It’s cowardly and deeply sad.

Maybe you spent years minimizing your pain, bending in ways you never should’ve had to, hoping you wouldn’t lose them. Trying to earn what should’ve been given freely. So when you finally step back, of course, guilt steps in its place. But choosing reality over hope that keeps hurting you is an act of strength — even if it aches deeply.

Those feelings of being unloved or unworthy aren’t new, and they aren’t true. They’re echoes of needs that went unmet by someone who was supposed to show up. When someone fails us — especially a parent — we don’t blame them; we blame ourselves. We start to believe something must be wrong with us.

But that was never yours to carry.

You weren’t unloved — you were under-loved.
You weren’t worthless — you were undervalued.

Holding boundaries doesn’t make you ungrateful; it means you’re done hurting yourself to keep a relationship alive.

The distance you’re taking isn’t punishment or a refusal to forgive. It’s you refusing to keep paying the cost of giving them a pass — a cost that chipped away at your worth, your boundaries, your trust in yourself. You abandoned yourself to keep them comfortable.

So yes, it hurts. Yes, it feels like grief. But beneath the pain, there is relief.

Relief because you’ve healed before. Relief because you can heal again. Relief because you know you did everything you could. This isn’t withholding forgiveness — it’s setting boundaries for a relationship that you won’t allow to break you.

There’s relief in no longer waiting for the next rejection, the next guilt-trip, the next hope that “maybe this time” will be different.

Feeling heartbreak and relief at once means you’re healing — slowly, quietly, honestly.

On your terms this time.

#healing #guilt #relationships #relief #boundaries #forgiveness #rejection #mentalhealth #wellbeing #grief #hurt #empathy #connection #accountability #acceptance #selfworth #strength #youareenough

When you live with daily doses of anxiety, depression, and that constant inner voice saying you’re not good enough, a day like today can feel overwhelming. That’s exactly why I’m taking a moment to acknowledge that I can do the hard things—and do them well—even when my mind insists otherwise.

This morning, I stepped far outside my comfort zone as a guest speaker on a live virtual panel, sharing my grueling experience in the Psilocybin Research Trial. I was met with genuine gratitude and warmth from a team of medical professionals who thanked me for my vulnerability and honesty at the first ever “Psychedelic Lived Experience Summit.”

Without even a second to regroup, I shifted straight into work mode with my incredible colleague and friend, putting the final touches on an event we’d been planning for some time, just before 60-plus participants arrived to learn how to bake babka with our fabulous and energetic host, Alissa from Barnstar Kitchen.

Even though I felt overwhelmed and stretched thin, the feedback was wonderful. One of the sweetest parts of the afternoon was seeing friends and family show up to support me—including my three amazing kids, whose smiles and presence meant more than they know.

By the time I finally sat down and let the day settle in, everything hit me at once—the emotions, the effort, the moments where I pushed past doubt and the noise in my head. But instead of brushing it off like I usually do, I’m choosing to acknowledge it. Today was hard. Today stretched me. Today demanded a lot.

And I still showed up.

I shared my story. I supported my team. I created something meaningful for others. I kept going even when my anxiety told me to shrink. Tonight, I’m allowing myself to feel proud—proud that I did the hard things, proud that I didn’t let fear win, proud that overwhelmed did not mean incapable.

Today reminded me that I am stronger than the voice that tells me I’m not enough—that I can do hard things even when my heart is racing and my mind is loud.

And that is something worth celebrating.

#babkabake #psychedelicsummit #doingthehardstuff #feelingpride #comfortzone #anxiety #depression #overwhelm #strongerthanyouthink #myheart #mythreereasonswhy #mentalhealth #innervoice #psilocybin #gratitude #celebrating #vulnerable #barnstarkitchen

I received an email today about the MRI I’ve been waiting on for a few months now —the next step in this exhausting Neurofibromatosis journey. I opened it, my eyes immediately going straight to the highlighted appointment date. And when I read it, I didn’t know whether to throw my phone (Rich and I were out running errands), cry, or just laugh. Instead, I crumbled.

What hurts the most? I’m not even surprised anymore. I’ve reached a point where disappointment feels normal. Expected. Where being pushed aside feels routine. Where I’ve learned to brace myself every time I try to get the care I need.

And here I am again – emotional, scared, angry, fed up, worn down. I’m so damn frustrated having to fight for the care I deserve. I’m tired of being “strong” because I have no other choice. I’m exhausted watching the very system that’s supposed to help me make everything heavier, harder, and lonelier.

Our healthcare system has failed me so many times over nearly twelve years. It’s not just broken—it’s a harsh reminder of how deeply fucked up it truly is, and how people like me are left to deal with the fallout.

#healthcaresystem #mri #Neurofibromatosis #exhausted #angry #failure #scared #broken #mentalhealth #youarenotalone