Unanswered

Eleven years ago, this month marked the first of many hospital admissions in what would become a long and tiresome mental health journey. I was finally discharged more than three months later. During that time, I met a lot of people — some I eventually needed to distance (and block) myself from, and others who became genuine friends I still cherish today.

Last night, as I often do (sadly), I found myself scrolling through the websites of both Benjamins and Steeles Memorial (the Jewish memorial chapels in Toronto). My heart sank when I saw a familiar name. It was someone I’d met during that first inpatient stay back in October 2014.

She and I stayed in touch regularly over the years. She checked in on me often, probably weekly, if not more, and as recently as last weekend. She always took a genuine interest in how I was doing, often commenting on my blogs, sending me heartfelt memes, and reminding me that she was there if I ever needed someone to listen.

Her life was far from easy. In her short time on this earth, she faced profound challenges — both mental and physical ones that few truly understood. She rarely let on just how heavy those burdens were. Yet, despite everything she carried, she remained kind, generous, and full of heart. She gave her time freely, even when she had so little left to give herself.

As I write this, I can’t help but shake a deep feeling of guilt for not replying to her last message, the one she’d sent me a few days ago. I’ve had a lot going on lately, both health-wise and personally, and I just wasn’t in the headspace to chat. And now… she’s gone.

I don’t know what the right words are right now. I just know that life is fragile, unpredictable, and often unfair. I wish I’d answered her message. I wish I’d told her one more time how much her kindness meant to me.

I pray she’s finally at peace. I’ll carry her compassion with me moving forward. I’ll miss her messages, her warmth, and her light.

Rest easy, my friend. 💔

#tooyoung #mentalhealth #grief #guilt #physicalhealth #lightinthedarkness #inpatient #depression #anxiety #checkonyourpeople #resteasy #compassion #kindness