Lately, I’ve felt like I’m in survival mode.
After an emotionally draining week last week, I found myself met with an even more difficult one this past week. Just when I think I’ve caught my breath and that it couldn’t get worse, something else hit, knocking me down even more.
I’m running on fumes at this point.
Unraveling.
I don’t even know what I need right now, besides perhaps a really good cry!
I’m exhausted. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, too.
This past week has been met with a flood of emotions: sadness, chaos, overwhelm, triggers of past trauma, frustration, anger, uncertainty, anxiety, heartache, loss, and deep grief. There were many moving parts to all these emotions, which I won’t get into here.
It’s been one wave after another, and I’ve had no choice but to keep swimming through them, even though the current feels so strong.
Yet, in the middle of all the darkness, moments of light still managed to shine through. Celebrating Rachel’s birthday yesterday, surrounded by the people I love most, reminded me that even in all the heaviness, joy can still find its way in. I’m holding onto it, trying not to break further.
With Yom Kippur approaching in the coming days, I’ve been reflecting on what it means to bring all this heaviness, uncertainty, and chaos into a day meant for forgiveness, hope, and renewal. It feels incredibly hard, even near impossible at the moment, to open my heart to forgiveness, hope, and renewal after the week I’ve had.
But maybe that’s the real point of Yom Kippur.
It’s not about being whole or having it all figured out. It’s about showing up as I am, exhausted, overwhelmed, grieving, and bringing that honestly into this space.
Yom Kippur invites me to pause, to reflect, and to return. Not just to the rituals but to myself. To acknowledge what I’ve been carrying, what’s broken, what needs healing; without needing to fix it all right now.
This past week has been heavy. But even in the pain, those joyful moments reminded me that joy still exists, even in the middle of the chaos.
Maybe renewal isn’t about starting over. Maybe it’s about making space—to breathe, to feel, to forgive; even just a little.
So I’m coming into this Yom Kippur as I am—soft hearted, tired, and honest. I’m bringing what I have left in me, hoping that it’s enough.
*The video attached is from another moment of joy this week, which only happened minutes ago.
Let’s go Blue Jays!
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YouAreEnough 