Pool days spent with family and friends is something I truly love. I think I may have been a fish in my past life. I can spend hours in a pool, IF the temperature is just right. But behind the sunshine, the laughter and the connection I feel when I’m with my loved ones poolside on a warm summer’s day, there is a quiet struggle I carry with me.
I’ve battled body and self-image issues my entire adult life, something I’ve shared quite openly many times before. An eating disorder that began when I was 18 years old and has reared its ugly head in many other forms ever since.
A few months ago, followed by a biopsy, I was finally formally diagnosed with Neurofibromatosis after a lifetime of living with a nameless disorder. Over time, this condition has only added another whole layer to my body-conscious challenges I already deal with on a daily basis as the tumours become more and more visible with each passing day, the older I get.
I regularly notice the changes. It’s hard not to be self-conscious. I feel like everyone is always staring at me. It makes it really difficult to enjoy the warmer weather when my skin is most exposed. I find myself trying to shrink out of sight often.
But, still, I am learning to show up anyway. To not let the shame define me. There is no argument that my body, and mind have both been through hell and back over the last decade, but I am trying to be more gentle with myself by making space for the joy, even when it’s hard.
“Confidence isn’t about perfection. It’s about power.” ~ unknown, and it’s about embracing your story, your scars, and your strength by showing up despite your perfectly imperfect imperfections.
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YouAreEnough 