It was forty years ago this month that I graduated elementary school (grade 8), and the last time I strolled the halls of the place that shaped so much of my childhood.
I was born in Montreal but moved to Toronto (Thornhill) in 1979, a week before the start of third grade. I was a shy, scared 8 year old little girl in a strange city, who knew no one. It didn’t take me long, though, to settle into my new school, in a strange city, knowing no one. And for more than 40 years now, those halls have held a very special place in my heart.
Last night, as I entered those same corridors again after 40 years, alongside a very dear “old” friend to attend its 50th anniversary celebration, I wasn’t prepared for how much emotion would rise to the surface.
I was quickly drawn back, even if I was way outside my comfort zone. Drawn back to a rush of memories. Fun memories. Happy memories. Faded memories. Memories of friendship (some whom I’m still good friends with today), mentors, first kisses, slow dances, public speaking contests, track & field events, school trips, assemblies, puberty, fears, simplicity, curiosity, birthday parties, sleepovers, creative sparks, triumphs, sticker collections traded at recess, playground politics, schoolgirl giggles, and the innocence of childhood.
Seeing so many familiar faces (none of whom have aged one bit!) was like recognizing old parts of myself, parts of myself I have great affection for, but I also couldn’t help shake a feeling of sadness for missing the girl I once was.
Together, we wandered, in awe, through the unrecognizable corridors that have since been repainted many times over, walking along the tiled floors where carpet once lay, picturing ourselves sitting in those tiny desks in classrooms that once had no walls between them, climbing the gym apparatus that no longer exists, and reminiscing about our teachers—some of them I’m sure are long gone by now, but never forgotten. Some for making learning fun, some for their guidance and inspiration, some who made us feel seen, some who challenged us, who believed in us long before we knew how to believe in ourselves and some who were downright scary and mean!!
I could feel the presence of our Principal, Mr. Maunder following behind us down each hallway, calling us out by our last names while jingling the coins in his pant suit pockets. I spoke of my favourite teacher of all time, Mr. Armstrong with great affection, who I was lucky enough to have as my homeroom teacher for both grades 4 & 5. He left an impactful imprint on my heart.
Last night felt surreal. Powerful.
So much life happened for all of us inside that building. We were awkward, innocent kids, full of possibilities and dreams that hadn’t yet taken shape. But looking back now, as an adult, it was clear to me just how small that fraction of our lives truly was compared to the 40 years that have lapsed since. We’ve been through more graduations, marriages, divorces, childrearing, careers, illness, joy, and loss. Each one of us carrying a piece of our childhood with us on our own paths. Our own journeys; with our own messy, beautiful, unpredictable story to tell.
Was that shy, scared 8 year old little girl who entered a new school, in a new city, knowing no one proud of me for everything I’ve survived, or was the confident, thriving young teen who left the school upon graduation full of potential, in awe of how I continue to show up for the world, even on the hardest of days. Both of them were certain they had it all figured out back then.
I’m happy I stepped outside my comfort zone last night to attend my elementary school’s 50th anniversary celebration – reconnecting with old friends and classmates (most of whom, thanks to social media have been following my journey for some time now), taking a stroll down memory lane together in the place that shaped so much of our childhood and most of all, for getting to embrace the part of me who already believed that I was enough decades ago.
#elementaryschool #50thanniversary #mentalhealth #oldfriends #memories #connection #innocence #possibilities #depression #anxiety #youareenough
YouAreEnough 