I did it! My first week at my new job is officially in the books and although there is still a lot of learning ahead, at least I now have a newfound appreciation and a renewed sense of optimism for what a healthy, respectful and supportive work culture feels like.
As part of any healing journey, it is important to acknowledge our past experiences in order to help one move forward. For me, choosing to leave a toxic situation over the prolonged mistreatment of its employees was not just a courageous decision but a very powerful one in its own right. I know, in time, and with lots of continued therapy, I will learn new ways to let go of my pain and trauma and hopefully regain my sense of self-worth.
For now, though, finding some closure has felt like a necessary first step toward reclaiming my peace as I begin to heal. Today, I started that process in the best way I knew how. Through writing.
Writing is a very therapeutic tool for me when it comes to my mental health and well-being so over the last few days as I began to reflect upon my time at my previous workplace, I started to pen a very emotional email to my ex-supervisor and her superior (the co-owner of this 40 year old organization, and the real puppetmaster behind all the toxicity). In it, I recounted many anecdotes and expressed my deep hurt. I sent them the email today with the hope that they would take my feedback seriously and consider the impact their leadership styles have on their team moving forward because whether or not they want to admit it, it matters more than they realize.
Writing it and not holding back felt incredibly cathartic. Whether they choose to respond to me or not, I really don’t care. I did this for me. It was about validating my experience and reclaiming my voice after being stuck in such a dark and vulnerable place that literally tried to silence me by making me feel like s*icide was my only way out.
I know it takes great strength to speak up, not just for yourself, but for others who’ve been hurt and silenced too. Turning my pain into advocacy and not just walking away is my way of trying to protect those I care deeply for who are still enduring it. If my email disrupts the pattern of abuse still taking place since I left, even just a little, it will have been worth it. My hope is that my truth is creating a space where others can feel seen and understood. I’ve planted the seed for change, and it feels damn empowering.
Feeling worthy, appreciated, and valued at my new job shouldn’t be the exception. It should be the norm. Something every workplace should provide their employees.
Sending this email today is helping me to open up space for healing my body and mind and bring with it a sense of balance and personal growth and development moving forward. It’s a beautiful feeling to have found a place where you’re seen for who you are and what you bring. That’s the kind of environment that doesn’t just help you heal. It allows you to thrive, too. It’s something we all deserve.
Shabbat Shalom, everyone.
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YouAreEnough 