This Wasn’t the Way it Was Supposed to Be

Today was my last day of work. 


My coworkers showered me with beautiful flowers and a staff lunch. 


I’m finally free!! Yay 🎉


I can finally close the book on what has undeniably been one of the most challenging situations I have ever had to navigate through in my life.


A situation that has haunted me for the better part of two and a half years. 


Now, though, as I begin my healing process, I get to focus on new beginnings and a fresh start. 


I’m choosing me.


But then why am I feeling so incredibly sad today? To be honest, I’ve felt like this for the past few days. 


Why am I grieving the loss of a job that I chose to leave because of unrelenting toxicity, manipulation, gaslighting, shifting blame, feeling inadequate and insecure, all caused by leadership?


I know in my heart I did the right thing by leaving such a hostile work environment. An environment that has left me feeling depleted, trapped, more anxious, more depressed and yes, s*icidal. 


I know in my heart that this was a very courageous and brave first step toward reclaiming my mental and physical health, but it shouldn’t have had to end this way. 


I’m feeling completely blindsided right now by the grief I’m experiencing. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.


The grief of leaving behind a job I truly loved. A job I excelled at, and coworkers who I adored. 


Unpacking my grief feels complicated. I have more questions than answers at the moment. I feel weak for giving up.


I’m trying to be more gentle on myself. I need to keep reminding myself that leaving was not a matter of choice, it was a matter of survival. 


The weekend ahead, I will prioritize my self-care, rest, and doing what I love most, being in nature and focusing on my mental health and advocacy at the Kids Help Phone Walkathon on Sunday. 


My new job starts Monday, and I will be ready. 


Shabbat Shalom, everyone. Take care of you this weekend.


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