As I stare at this little girl in the picture, I feel a sense of nostalgia. I can’t help but feel sad, too.
She was shy, yet confident and happy. At only 4 or 5 years old, she had so much life ahead of her to explore. She doesn’t even know yet that a few years later, we’d be moving from our home in Montreal to Toronto forever. A move I’ve never regretted.
I wonder what I could say to her now if I met my younger self for a cup of coffee, not that either one of us drink coffee though, so, instead, she’d likely have a donut and chocolate milk, I, a muffin and diet coke or ice capp with skim milk.
What would she want to say to me?
Was this have been how she envisioned our life?
Would I spend our time together apologizing to her? Would she be disappointed in me for losing myself (ourself) along the way? For losing that confidence or ability to embrace happiness.
Did she even have the tools back then to understand that life is not meant to always be easy, that nothing in life that’s worth the effort ever is.
Would she instead be proud of me for the woman I am today? The wife to our amazingly supportive husband and mother to our 3 beautiful, now adult children.
Would she ask me if I followed my dream of becoming a hairdresser? A Veterinarian? A Social Worker? When I tell her no, would she think I failed her? Or will she gently embrace me, while perhaps crying when I fill her in on the day the direction of our life took a drastic turn at 42 years old with an unexpected mental illness diagnosis that somehow led us on a journey that has evolved into finding purpose and meaning in our life for the last 11 years now.
Would she see our experiences over the years as valuable lessons in growth. Will she see our vulnerability as strength? Would she see us as resilient for not giving up without a fight? Would she understand that some of the very difficult choices I’ve needed to make over the last many years weren’t easy to do? She was still so young and hadn’t felt the lasting effects of childhood trauma yet. I wish I could’ve shielded her more from that.
Today is “International Women’s Day” so to all the incredibly strong, beautiful, smart, inspiring women I know, do me one favour, go have a cup of coffee with your younger self, remind her that she is amazing and that who she is will always be more than enough.
#happywomensday #internationalwomensday #myreasonswhy #strongertogether #youareenough #coffeewithmyyoungerself #mentalhealth #myjourney #healing
YouAreEnough 