I love warm weather, which is why summer is my most favorite season, hands down. It’s the time of year when I’m most active and carefree, but it is also the time of year when I become most self-conscious and self-critical of myself.
There are too many days to count during the summer months that I find myself yearning to crawl back into the comfy, cozy warmth of sweater weather simply so I can go back to hiding my body.
It feels like sweater season happened almost overnight here in Toronto. Summer lingered well into fall, but with still more than 2 weeks to go until winter officially arrives, it has already hit the ground running.
I’m not complaining, though I really do despise the blustering cold and shortened days of sunlight hours, I am all in when it comes to the warm embrace of a cozy sweater. There is something nostalgic and inherently comforting about it.
I’m quite conscious and very much aware that I’ve had a distorted sense of self long before my mental health journey began 10 plus years ago. I’ve feared my body ever since my late teens when I developed an eating disorder, and I’ve come to realize over time that those triggers never truly go away. They just present themselves in different ways.
From the end of last summer, to the start of the one that most recently passed, I had lost just over 60 pounds. I should have been celebrating my accomplishment, but still, I found myself consumed by my body’s flaws all summer long, and instead of feeling proud, I simply wanted to cover up in shame and disgust.
I’m a work in progress, and with many months still ahead of me until another summer season rolls out, I promise myself I will continue to work on my body dysmorphia issues, peeling away one comfy layer at a time and focusing more on self-love and self-acceptance, while curling up by the warmth of the fire in a cozy sweater of course.
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YouAreEnough 