Repost: I Want to Live, but I Want to Die

I wrote this poem a few years ago. I came across it again today. It hit me really hard as I read it over tonight. I felt a need to share it with you again today after learning earlier this evening about a young man who took his own life today. He may have been a reality tv personality to millions of viewers, on one of my many favorite reality shows I watch religiously, but more importantly, to some, he was an adored brother, a friend and a dear son. I’m struggling a lot myself with those same thoughts and feelings. The struggle with suicidal ideations is very real and cruel and can be unrelenting at times. It’s an unbearable weight to carry sometimes. I know that for many who have never been that close to the edge before, it can be difficult to understand. I just ask that we try not to judge others, no matter what. I am truly heartbroken tonight for his family and loved ones and adoring fans he has left behind. As I settle in for the night I will turn my focus in on the very last verse of my poem, the verse that reminds me to keep fighting this evil disease for those who simply couldn’t anymore. 


*Please remember to reach out if you are struggling. You are not alone.


I WANT TO LIVE, BUT I WANT TO DIE

I want to live, but I want to die
It’s an endless struggle, I can not lie.

I want to live, but I want to die
My heart is heavy, there’s no denying.

I want to live, but I want to die
I find some comfort when I can cry.

I want to live, but I want to die
I dream of ways I’d say goodbye.

I want to live, but I want to die
My feelings are valid and justified.

I want to live, but I want to die
Will I ever become that butterfly?

I want to live, but I want to die
I feel so confused and terrified.

I want to live, but I want to die
So I need to ask the question why?

I want to live, but I want to die
It’s so hard some days to even try.

I want to live, but I want to die
I wish the two would see eye to eye.

I want to die, but I want to live
To show my illness what more I have left to give.


#youareenough #poem #iwanttolive #iwanttodie #suicideprevention #suicideawareness #depression #youarenotalone #askforhelp #itsoktonotbeokay #ripgarrison #sisterwives