My plans for today…to do… nothing.
I’ve been spiraling and feeling extremely vulnerable for more than a week now. My emotions have left me feeling very unlovable, and my thoughts continue to try and tell me that the world is better off without me.
I began this deep nose dive mentally about 10 days ago, which I believe was initially triggered by my frustration, anger, and sheer disappointment yet again with our health care system. I shared the situation with you the next day as my spiral began to pull me under and into a hopeless abyss of despair.
(See original blog;
https://wheredidmommyssmilego.com/2024/01/13/just-needed-to-vent-today/)
***Sidenote, my appointment is scheduled for this coming Friday morning and I still haven’t received the signed form from the specialist, even though she was on the phone with me a week ago Friday filling it out and promising she would send it over to Rich as soon as we hung up. I have 2 choices now. 1. Call their office on Monday to remind the doctor for a fourth time to kindly send me the form we need to submit to insurance to see if the treatment will even be covered and at the same time reschedule my appointment for next month because once the insurance company does receive the claim, who knows how long it will take them to let us know if it’s been approved or not, or 2. Just say, fuck it and cancel the appointment all together. As you can probably guess, I’m leaning heavily towards the latter.
My body, along with my mind has also been in a constant state of fight or flight this entire week and the alarm bells sounding off throughout my body have reached its tipping point. My nervous system was sent into overdrive after 2 separate incidences triggered it yesterday.
I am feeling very alone today. No one can truly understand what is going on inside my body, let alone my mind, and I’m not sure I can face the reality that my symptoms are worsening. My body feels like it’s on fire as I write this. But all I can do for now is hope that today is a lot less stressful than yesterday was and keep to my plans…to do…nothing today, and then hope that will be enough to calm my body and mind the fuck down before a new week begins.
#staycalm #donothing #alarmbells #nervoussystem #rest #mentalhealth #noise #triggers #mentalwellness #selfcaresunday #depression #anxiety #pgad #brainzaps #tingling #tremors #feelingalone #clinicaltrial #Psilocybin #healthcare #fightorflight
YouAreEnough 