Trigger Warning ⚠️, Suicide ideations
It was a year ago today that I was at my lowest point. I was in crisis like never before. Every aspect of my life seemed to be falling apart.
Rich didn’t know what to do. He got really scared that night, and his first instinct was to call the police. It wasn’t the first time he’d done so, but it’s the one that will forever be etched in my memory.
I pleaded with him to hang up the phone with the police as I ran upstairs to take refuge under my weighted blanket, but it was too late. They got to my house while Rich was still on the phone with dispatch.
Four very intimidating, but compassionate officers arrived at once, 2 of which came stomping up the stairs to my bedroom (in their wet boots 🤬). The other 2 waited downstairs with Rich, not allowing him to be by my side.
I tried telling them that I was ok now, but they were obligated to take me to the hospital for further observation and demanded (as kindly as possible) that I get up “voluntarily” and ASAP. I obeyed, yet in that very moment, all my rights were gone. As they slowly walked me to one of the several police cruisers waiting outside, they put handcuffs on me. I felt like a criminal.
I was immediately placed on a 72-hour hold when I got to the hospital, stripped of my belongings, including my cellphone. Security stood outside my door for the remainder of the night as I waited for the crisis team and Psychiatrist to arrive the next day. The nurse and emergency room doctor on duty treated me with complete disregard and made me feel like I was less than nothing.
I have suffered many forms of PTSD since that night a year ago. I am still extremely traumatized by the events that took place. So many lines got blurred that evening on how I was treated, which led me to write 2 letters a few days later, one to the police, inparticularly to their complaints against policies and procedures department for the unnecessary use of restraints against a person in crisis who went willingly and was not showing any signs of aggressive behaviour. The second letter I penned was to patient relations at the hospital on how dismissive the nurse and emergency room doctor were towards me and how, in turn, made to feel so ashamed of my illness.
Both the hospital and police department responded quickly to my emails, and a phone call from each of them followed. A thank you for bringing my concerns to patient relations was as far as they proceeded, but the police department opened a file and a wonderful investigator who was assigned to my case pursued my concerns for several months. Together, we came up with ideas as to how the police can better understand the difference between a mental health crisis and a criminal. We also discussed in great length the importance of having a crisis team assigned to each crisis call. I was hopeful. He had even tried to have me come in to speak to their board members, he started reading my blogs to help himself understand more, and then after several months of my important advocacy work, I never heard another word from him.
And I gave up trying. Kinda like I feel the last few days. It’s Blue Monday today. And to be honest, I’m feeling pretty damn blue right now 💙. (See blog about the significance of Blue Monday https://youareenough712.wordpress.com/2019/01/21/stop-calling-it-blue-monday/)
#oneyearlater #advocacy #bluemonday #feelingblue #youarenotalone #depression #mentalhealthcrisis #mentalhealth #police #patientrelations #policiesandprocedures #hospital #youareenough #suicideawareness
YouAreEnough 