I watched the movie “Girl, Interrupted” for the first time.
There were so many reasons why I wanted to finally watch it after all these years. It was originally released in 1999. Parts of it were really difficult for me to watch and many of the scenes brought me right back to my very first time I was admitted to the psychiatric ward of a hospital 9 years ago where I spent over 3 months inpatient.
The movie is based on the real-life story of author Susanna Kaysen’s time spent in a mental institution for the better part of 18 months. She had just attempted suicide and was diagnosed with a personality disorder. Although the movie takes place in the 1960’s, I could relate to so many of Susanna’s experiences, one in particular were the relationships she forged with the other patients during her stay. There are so many stereotypes surrounding what a mental health patient looks like, but just so you know, they couldn’t be more wrong. “You see us as you want to see us – in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions.” ~ The Breakfast Club
I have written several articles before about my experiences from inside a psych ward, but I’ve never really spoken in detail about the people I met along the way. The movie really got me thinking about them.
I went through a lot of really dark days during that first hospitalization and any subsequent ones that have followed. I have both experienced and witnessed stuff that can never be erased from my memory no matter how hard I want to, but one thing that truly helped me get through some of those really dark days (and nights) were the other patients; all of whom were dealing with varying degrees of mental illness and all of whom had their own personal stories to tell as to what led them to be admitted to the hospital, just like me.
Some I still speak to today and consider my friend, but not every relationship was good for me either. Some have since passed away, some I needed to set boundaries with and some I found too difficult to have healthy relationships with so I had no other choice but to dissolve it by blocking their numbers and deleting them from my contact list… and life.
People came and went. Some were there for just a few days, some for several months like me, and others close to a year.
My roommates changed frequently too, and sometimes I shared a space with one other patient, while at other times I was in a room with 3 other people. That was often most difficult.
As I mentioned above, every patient had their own personal story to tell and varying degrees of mental illness. Their ages ranged somewhere between 20 years old and 70. I was in my early 40’s at the time.
We shared our personal stories, laughed, and opened up about our challenges. Making connections with one another through a common bond. It didn’t matter if they were 27 or 67, we still shared a common bond, one human being to another, interrupted in our life’s journey, fighting for our survival with varying degrees of mental illness.
Major depression disorders, suicidal ideations, grieving from the loss of a loved one, substance abuse, PTSD, Bipolar disorder, personality disorders, eating disorders, OCD, Psychosis and Schizophrenia were among us.
Our diagnoses should never define who we are as individuals, and no matter what the reason is that we are seeking treatment in a psychiatric hospital, no one should ever be discriminated against because of their illness. No one deserves to feel shame or hopelessness or isolation. No one should ever feel reluctant to ask for help or most importantly, denied treatment because, after all, we are all just human beings fighting for our survival.
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YouAreEnough 