BECOMING

Tonight I will be celebrating my greatest treasures. 


It will be an intimate dinner at home and there will be cake.


Tonight we will be celebrating what truly matters most to me; my family.  


Tonight will be the last time we will all be together until late August as my kids get ready to embark on some pretty exciting and meaningful, once in a lifetime adventures throughout the coming months (the first departure leaves tomorrow afternoon).

There will be many significant occasions missed while they are away, so tonight we will toast to them as a family. It’s those micro-moments of joy I cherish most when I get to share them with my family; and eat cake.

Having had 3 kids so close in age came with its own set of challenges but some days I wish more than anything that we could go back to that time, a time in my life which felt so much simpler and easier for me; but unfortunately that’s the thing about time, once it’s gone, it’s gone for good.


Don’t get me wrong though, I love who my kids are becoming today and how much those once adorable little Munchkins have since grown into beautiful, hardworking, resilient young adults;  But boy did this stage of their lives ever come on fast and hard.


They all love the thrill of adventure and they especially love to travel. They want to see the world through their own eyes and I really admire that about them. In fact I’m really quite envious of them. It’s something I wish I could’ve done at their age or would’ve been able to do, despite all my crazy anxieties. 

And despite all the hardships and obstacles our family continues to face,  they are living their best life right now and they are finding their own way in this great, big, messy, yet still magical world we live in. 


But still I can’t help but miss those simpler, easier days for me; singing along to barney tunes in the car, splash pads and weekly outings to Canada’s Wonderland, the fresh scent of baby after a warm bath, arts and crafts projects, bedtime rituals and where hugs were given out so freely on a daily basis. 


I wasn’t sick during those early years. I worried less (like A LOT less) and felt those micro-moments of joy way more. I didn’t carry that heavy burden of guilt with me like I do today; the feeling like I’ve let them down as their mom, taken away their innocence or stolen a piece of their childhood from them. But what has never waivered over time and never will is that no matter what, I will always be their loudest cheerleader, their strongest ally and their biggest advocate. 

My kids are thriving and I am so proud of who they are becoming in this great, big, messy, yet still magical world. I’m reminded often by others that despite me feeling like I’ve let them down as their mom, taken away their innocence or stolen a piece of their childhood from them, that I may have actually played a hand in their becoming.  


You know what will also make tonight complete? Watching the Leafs knock out Tampa Bay in their playoff series; yup that will definitely be a micro-moment of joy for my entire family!


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