Trigger Warning ⚠️ very sensitive topic, suicidal ideations. Please do not read if you are feeling vulnerable. Reach out for help if you are feeling alone.

At the end of 2022 I wrote a blog (https://wheredidmommyssmilego.com/2022/12/30/highlight-reel-its-been-a-year/) where I stated that 2022 was the hardest, cruelest, toughest year of my life emotionally, physically and personally. 


I tried to convince myself that 2023 was gonna get easier but as I do a quick recap in my head of the first month of the new year, already I am left feeling completely defeated. 


It began with a trip to the ER at the start of the new year after experiencing a severe reaction to a medication I took to help me sleep and ended with some very personal and private matters that much like the fall on my icy driveway the other morning has left me shaken, battered and bruised. And then there were those weeks in between, much of which you know all about by now but some of which I cannot share publicly; all of which though have further proved to me that 2023 is heading in the same direction, and quite honestly I am almost certain as January comes to a close that it has already surpassed the emotional, physical and personal trauma I experienced in all of last year. 


I’ve been so broken for so long now that I don’t even know anymore what it’s like to feel okay. I keep trying to convince myself that this can’t last forever and that the whole world is not conspiring against me. I said in that same blog (see above) at the end of last year that 2022 may have won this battle but that it hadn’t won the war…although as I sit here tonight writing this, I’m not so sure about that anymore but I will try to keep reminding myself that I can’t let the hard days win.


#mentalhealth #broken #toomuch #suicidalideations #suicideawareness #askforhelp #youarenotalone #defeated #dontlettheharddayswin #youareenough #keepfighting

Author: Kim Fluxgold

Wife, mom of 3 beautiful children, dog lover, creative sole and children's book Author. Sharing my journey with depression and anxiety through blogging in hopes of educating and ending the stigma. View all posts by Kim Fluxgold